Nicely made. I've suffered more than my share of loneliness; less about being alone (which is nice and quiet), but rather being around those that make me feel alone.
People I can't relate to, even if we're related, friends that have, instead of helping me, as I entrusted my faith in them as a friend, my trust in general (which is now a premium), they mocked me, or used my weakness to their advantage, and not giving me a lick of credit (hell, my past best friend was in cahoots with my bully, and he did nothing about it). Hell, my back looks like a pin cushion, I've been back-stabbed and tomahawked (being attacked with your forgiveness; a "buried hatchet" if you will) more than enough times to learn not to be so generous with my trust. I've been constantly punished for doing good.
Through my naivete, I learned isolation is better than loneliness. In a sense, what society has shamed me out of, which are perfectly normal traits everyone has a birthright to (smiling, laughing, speaking your mind), I now forbid when they request it from me. Want me to curse? Nope, I was censored in the past, you no longer have right to hear my vulgarity; suffer my properness. Want me to smile? Too bad, because it's an apparent tell of a lie, even within my truths, my smile is riddled with bias; it can't be used without the Pavlov effect of hiding in shame of lying, even when I'm actually happy. It's a knee-jerk reaction to hide when I grin that's near-impossible to remove to the point my arm twitches when I try to resist it. Want me to speak my mind? You didn't accept my honesty, I abstain, even if you need it. If eyes are windows into the soul, I always avert them. I know, from experience, the monsters people can really be. Peering through eyes is no longer necessary.
It's weird that a majority of my dreams, and most peaceful environments I frequent, and even games to play, are scenic ghost towns. I prefer to have nobody around. I've been prey to so many people, I'd rather be unknown in history, another faceless deaf-mute, an abstracted obscurity, a number, a formless being; as long as I don't have to deal with demons dressed as angels. When you learn the true nature of Man, it makes you reconsider your existence, because if that's what Man is, then what is a decent being like me, if I'm not like them? I found myself preferring Hell over Heaven, because if God's so-called representatives, as presented on the media on average, are going to Heaven, then who are the real demons in Hell? Martyrs, virgin sacrifices, innocent sacrifices? If these are actually decent people down there, Id rather go where I feel I belong. After my persecutions on Earth, Hell doesn't look so bad. It's like Limbo, except with a bit more hassle. A far-less convenient Purgatory.
I don't fear loneliness, but rather, don't want to suffer it anymore. So much, I'd sacrifice Heaven, if it means being in the company of those that WILL celebrate me, as I would them. I figure they'd want the additional company, as much as I seek said company. Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated.
But yeah, nice work. I hope you didn't mind a little insight as to why I liked it.