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[Orange Wizard]

Why don't you care about this world?

You described it like this:

horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.

Which I would like to contest. Don't get me wrong - the world is all of those things - but it's also full of wonder, mercy, kindness, and beauty. And people who are beyond selfless.
It all depends on where you look.

Does the bad outweigh the good? Maybe. To me, it doesn't matter. There is good. And I do my best to be a part of it.

[NullForceOmega]

Well, this is HOW you end up in an asylum.  Denying reality, hiding inside something else and claiming that you want to kill yourself is exactly how you get yourself locked up.  You believe in the message of MLP, but you want to kill yourself to avoid dealing with the very things they are telling you how to get through?  How does that even make sense?  The Ponies don't just quit when something goes wrong, they find a way to fix it or deal with it.  Are you saying that you believe this message but won't follow it?  That is not even remotely logical.  I do not believe that if you can find a truth in the message of MLP that you would just give up and kill yourself to avoid dealing with the world around you.  How do you think the Ponies would react to that?  I'm pretty certain that they would be horrified by your statement, I know I am.  The world is horrible?  Go out of town about fifty miles and set up camp, watch the damn sunset, listen to the birds and insects, look at the stars, watch the dawn.  This world is beautiful beyond human capacity to explain, this world is simply amazing, even with all those people you hate (how would the Ponies like that?) Earth is awe inspiring even down to the smallest detail.  I'm listening for your justification on those points, because I can't even wrap my head around your deeply flawed logic.

[Sam Polson]

Ponies never lived on Earth (thanks Princess Celestia for that). They couldn't even imagine everyday routine humans gone through every day. For them it'd be unbearable. You know why? Because they are different. They aren't capable of doing horrible things. They can be nasty and mean -- but it cannot even compare to what an average human can do. For them it's just... unbelievable.
Ponies can hate, too. They hate unjustice, evil, cruelty. As for dawn, stars and such -- Equestria has all of this. It's not the point. The point is what humans did. Their horrible society. When I will be in Equestria, I'd be able to see dawn, rise, stars, moon, butterflies, birds and such. But I also will know that there are ponies who aren't capable of horrible deeds like humans. And a great amount of them would be happy to help me, if I ever in need. And I'd help me in return. They believe that helping is vital -- but only if you're helping those who deserve it.
And about giving up, see my message. They didn't live in this world, so they can't know how horrible it is.

Why don't you care about this world?

You described it like this:

horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.

Which I would like to contest. Don't get me wrong - the world is all of those things - but it's also full of wonder, mercy, kindness, and beauty. And people who are beyond selfless.
It all depends on where you look.

Does the bad outweigh the good? Maybe. To me, it doesn't matter. There is good. And I do my best to be a part of it.

So much bad does not outweigh good stuff. And besides, even good stuff it flawed. Beyond measure.

[NullForceOmega]

They were created by humans.  Period, end of line, full stop.  You don't like that?  To bad.  The ponies are written by human hands, with human minds behind their every action.  People, worthless, spiteful, hateful humans, created MLP.  They most assuredly could comprehend human problems, they are certainly depicted with adequate human traits and intelligence to have the capacity to understand Earth's many problems.  Don't speak for them, their actions speak much louder than your words.
Further more, I'm calling bullshit on your entire assertion that humans are horrible and evil creatures unworthy of being helped, if humans couldn't be positive and worthy, MLP would not even exist.  I care nothing for you self-delusion on this point.
I suppose however that if you've made up your mind, then there is no point in further argument.  For conversation to be productive both sides must be open to new ideas, you are so fully entrenched in your hopelessness that trying to appeal to any form of sense is not constructive.  You dodge every issue put to you, you have fully displayed that you do not want help, and instead simply wish for this to end.
I am done for the night, if you still draw breath tomorrow then maybe you will be more open to discussion.  If not, farewell, there are people who will miss you and grieve for you.  I will regret the loss of your life as much as I regret every other that has ended prematurely on my watch.

[Sam Polson]

Fine

[uber pye]

Just popping in to say that I am hoping for the very best outcome for Sam here.

Which is why I'm obligated to (again) recommend professional help. I'm not qualified to assist you, as much as I'd like to. Just remember that the world doesn't have to be good for you to be.

I don't care about this world. I don't need it.
And I don't have intentions to end upp in an asylum.

But it cares about you.
Xvareon came to us three times looking for a way to help you.
NullForceOmega has spent three hours trying to help you.
Three (times two) other people have spent time trying to help, wait for it... you.

if random strangers on the internet don't want you to die, think of how many people in your own town will at least feel a twinge of sadness when they find you in the news.

meaningless suicide (that is, the type brought about by sadness) is seen by most moral systems as the most selfish thing you can do, and I am sure that Princess Celestia would not approve of that.

[Antsan]

Guys, guilt tripping is never a valid strategy, especially not for someone with suicidal tendencies.

@Sam:
Where I live one cannot be put into an asylum against his own will. Also one cannot be forced to take any kind of medication.
I don't know whether that is the case where you live.
I have a depressed brother. Getting professional help helped and helps him immensely. He hasn't become a mindless drone and he is very much himself - he is just able to cope with the bad and see the good better. Having black tinted glasses glued onto your nose is not a part of yourself, it's a hindrance to your wellbeing.

Change your living conditions. If you can, move somewhere else. You aren't responsible for the world, you are responsible for yourself. If where you are living is destroying you that means you need to move. Find out where there is a space in the world for you and then go there. Getting away from what gets you down every day can make the whole world seem absolutely different.
If you can, find help. Humans are social creatures from the start (and much more so than most other species in our world).

Remeber that the ponies in MLP aren't really ponies - they are idealized humans who have been put into fantasy pony bodies to make little girls interested in buying stuff. This is not saying that MLP is only about selling stuff (it very much is about many other things and I love the show), I just want to make it absolutely clear to you that the characters in the show are designed after human ideals, not alien ideals. Those ideals where made and are pursued by human beings and not by anything else in our world.

Humans are working at making our world better. Our world has been getting better for centuries now. It is a slow process, but generally it is the case that tomorrow will be better than today. Quitting because today is bad prevents you from seeing the better tomorrow.

The worst humans tend to be the loudest. Don't believe them when they tell you that most humans are bad. They are lying to make you afraid of opposing them. And some, like you, believe them and unwittingly help them spread this misunderstanding. I am not telling you to oppose them - I am telling you to realize that they are not the majority. You are not responsible for them, you are still only responible for yourself.

Being responsible for yourself does not mean you should become an egomaniac. As I said humans are social creatures and so are you. Getting along with others, helping them, getting help, being friends, is part of makes life enjoyable. People who go for naive egoism are seldomly happy. They aren't really good at being responsible for themselves as they ignore a part of what they are.

In the end becoming happy depends on your choices. It obviously is harder for you than for me. I doubt it is impossible.

I don't think I can help you any more than this (if that helped at all), although I will try if you want me to (and just maybe even if you don't want me to - sorry about that).

[Tiruin]

So I skipped here from the title of the thread {edit: and did not read the OP thoroughly <_< sorry for that} and browsed through the contents of the posts in question (sorry if I missed anything! :X)

@OP

He was driven to attach himself to MLP this strongly mainly because of his being bullied at a young age (he hadn't found the show back then, though), domestic problems of the worst kind with his father, and the all-around sense of absolute backwardness, uncaring, and anger that he had to deal with in his community over the years -- which has shown little to no signs of getting better.

He is tormented daily by the pain he feels from seeing all the bad things whenever he searches for something MLP-related, and he feels that he can't just stop looking at it or ignore whatever people (or even the actual writers of the show, sometimes) may create. He's even started envisioning scenarios in which these people suffer some kind of horrible pain, so that they know what they put him through.

On the second paragraph: I hope you told him about the aspect of continuity? That there's a reason for everything--and whatever bad things that are searched, have a direct source to them.
Also on the first:  I've been wondering on the factors of what may have caused the formation of some ideas.
It's a thing with development (check up Developmental Psychology ): What one is exposed to, without any counter-knowledge at a time, may be something they will latch onto. If one has experienced severe problems at an early age, then problems may arise due to the perception of what they grew up with compared to what exists as a whole (...and I'm pretty much tearing up at checking the first paragraph, then re-reading the whole thread >_>)...there's sense to it all.


@Sam: Let's check this out first from an order of systematic ideas. First note: the idea of psychosis is a guide and not a label, or a hindrance for you--it says that there's something within your method of thought which is--not necessarily wrong, but may be very objective that it may 'blank out' or blind rational thinking.

Before any conclusions are drawn, one major thing I've seen is how far you perceive things--and how you conclude by them. Firstly: You've got the right attitude to combat whatever fears in this world exist; you are unattached towards material goods, and wish the best for people. Appended to that: It's how you go with it and how far you see things as reality, where it may go wrong. There's also the concept of keeping an open-mind when facing scenarios here.

Now analyze this: Where are you looking, that you may conclude upon the whole entirety of the human race, and conclude that you don't belong here? This world is comprised of people, when if theoretically placed in your field of vision, will go beyond the horizon from side to side and even behind your cone of sight. You may be viewing too much of the negative, and latching too hard on it, to let go and proceed with an open-mind to search for other ideas--however, the potential is in you. Meaning: I advise you to look at what you're currently seeing and thinking and let it go for a while, and listen. Query to yourself those who speak and balance out what negatives you say, and ponder if there is any merit to it. Do not generalize.

There were people who tried to make this place better. Lots of them. And where are they now? And where are results of their actions? They are laughed on, mocked, treated like freaks or even turned into monsters from kids' books, like Joseph Stalin.
People who tried to build a better society, or at least improve it are doomed to faillure, as we've seen it in human history.

One problem: What is ideally defined may not work objectively.
Meaning: The idea is right, but how you execute it is where trouble may dwell.

PS: The orange part is one instance which I poke my note of you generalizing, and having an aspect of shortsightedness in. Please do research and seek what is good, before you put forward such a statement.
As in, scour the history books, and find who built a better society--as well as people working towards it and what drives them.
The sentence before the orange part is also a generalizing one--I believe you think of a specific and certain example when you typed that; answer this: Is everyone who tried to do good treated like that, for the entirety of history proceeding their lifespan?
Or is their attitude or whatever else which they did, acted upon or how they proceeded with an idea that made who they are?

Well, I don't think I need to any evidences, anyway. If people are capable to such deeds, there's not hope for them to not just improve the world, but even one community.
Maybe it's an agressive type of humans' nature, because we evolved from apes, which've been known as really agressive animals.
Maybe it's an agressive environment or whatever.
I don't know. But you know what? I don't even want to know. I just see what is happening -- here, there, no matter. And I can tell for certain -- I don't want a tiny bit of it. I'm not agressive. Far from it. Maybe in my case evolution's gone wrong. I don't fit in this world, because I can't be cruel and heartless. I'm too soft and weak for this place.

Here, I poke at the dangers of proceeding upon possibility-treated-as-fact. Leaning towards the most reliant observation or inference and treating it as a causative to form a conclusion is...lacking, at best, in this context.

See the first orange line: It's treating an observation as fact, with emphasis on how the wording is placed (statement in question is underlined for detail). It lacks substance into the background of the observation.

Now view the second portion: Why don't you want to know? Is knowing such details equal destruction? Because if you stop learning--which is paradoxically impossible, given that we learn every day of our lives--then conclusions fall short in the field you're currently basing observations in. Emphasis to the topic at hand--when it deals with your life and what you base your worth upon.

I don't want to live in this horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.
If you put a pony in here, they'd either die or go nuts in no time. Because of bad things that some people treat as good, and of good things that ponies would treat as barely tolerable at best.
The very thought of living here for decades makes me scared and tired at the same time. I already lived long than I want, 'cause I'm almost 23 now. I want to ponies' world. I belong there.

Poking here, too. There's a solid instance you're thinking behind the [orange statement here] which makes you say so--its a generalizing one, again, but its one of curious value.
What makes you say this world is full of people who are beyond mean? I do hope you took in the idea that the news and general media report negative instances of society to inform, right? That the adage of 'evil shouting louder than good' is valid here?

But to continue: Yes, the very idea of living decades on that world would instill fear and fatigue in anyone. This, however, depends on what you make of it, and what you perceive of it. Are you too focused on the negative to see that there is good in this world, or is there a note that there is severe hostility within your community that is causing that kind of perception?

What exact examples are you thinking that make the world so evil, that you can't see the good in it?

Spoiler: spoilered for space (click to show/hide)

Ponies never lived on Earth (thanks Princess Celestia for that). They couldn't even imagine everyday routine humans gone through every day. For them it'd be unbearable. You know why? Because they are different. They aren't capable of doing horrible things. They can be nasty and mean -- but it cannot even compare to what an average human can do. For them it's just... unbelievable.
Ponies can hate, too. They hate unjustice, evil, cruelty. As for dawn, stars and such -- Equestria has all of this. It's not the point. The point is what humans did. Their horrible society. When I will be in Equestria, I'd be able to see dawn, rise, stars, moon, butterflies, birds and such. But I also will know that there are ponies who aren't capable of horrible deeds like humans. And a great amount of them would be happy to help me, if I ever in need. And I'd help me in return. They believe that helping is vital -- but only if you're helping those who deserve it.
And about giving up, see my message. They didn't live in this world, so they can't know how horrible it is.

Why don't you care about this world?

You described it like this:

horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.

Which I would like to contest. Don't get me wrong - the world is all of those things - but it's also full of wonder, mercy, kindness, and beauty. And people who are beyond selfless.
It all depends on where you look.

Does the bad outweigh the good? Maybe. To me, it doesn't matter. There is good. And I do my best to be a part of it.

So much bad does not outweigh good stuff. And besides, even good stuff it flawed. Beyond measure.

What I see here again are statements borne out of a pointed viewpoint--as in, ideas from one angle of viewing a very broad notion only.
What you see in ponies are the good emphasized by people--they hate unjustice, evil and cruelty, and who wouldn't, exactly? Everyone does. Though there are parts here that signal that you've already judged people--as an entire species or relatively people in general, on very few aspects which...demonize them, all. I'll call upon realization here: what is it that you don't see in this world, that makes you hate it with such severity that you'd want to kill yourself and be off with it?

If I die tomorrow, it'd be nice.
You see, the things is -- even good things as you put them, that this life could offer... they aren't good. Like, at all. People could be happy to have them, but not me. I'm not like many of them.
Besides, what good things? Weath? Popularity? Kids? What? I don't want any of that. Not in here.
This world itself doesn't fit me. It's too harsh and demanding. You can't have a decent life just by being kind and trying to help everyone. They will take advantage even on the most innocent and kind help in the horrible way and left you broken. Friends will leave you, even if it's not quite their fault. Circumstances. Surrounding. The world.
Like I said, I don't fit in here. I'm too soft and sappy for this place. I was born in the wrong race, I'm sure of it.

I note a significant amount of certainty in your examples here, though I'm focusing on the orange part.
Is the first sentence in orange treated as a fact--or...have you researched up motivational speakers, and those who are actively being selfless and kind, trying to help everyone explicitly matching that example, and having a decent life?
What makes you say that 'you can't have a decent life if [kindness]'? Do note that when I say 'what makes you say x', its more of curiosity than any other thing you may assume.
Also the next orange sentence: Who are "they"? And what drives them to do such measures? That is a direct and specific instance, though it is purely situational with lacking foundation as an example.


By far, I question your method of operation (or...like, how you think and view the world: there is the semblance of goodness, but the judgement is very off). You've got the attitude it takes to do good for others, but there are some instances in your foundation and perception//world-view which hinder it.
Query: Why waste your life via suicide when you can use it to make the world better? Because it is futile? What makes it futile?
I've read up your posts and see that you've got the inherent potential to do a ton better than the superficial denotation of you facing an asylum to preserve yourself--however those ideas come with introspection.

I'm real concerned there, Sam, and I'm wondering what exactly drives you to say these things about a people, as a whole. I mean, reading up all your posts--you're got the potential, positive to the brim, though something seems to have tarnished either that, or how you view everything(?) or everyone else around you.

Edit: Didn't check in on the OP.
...
*hugs Sam*
Now there's a ton more that I'd love to talk about with you in person given the light on backing details...I can pretty much relate (as in understand) the attitude going on and...there's a serious ton of details I'd like to put, but needs more info ._.

So, I was hoping that I could find someone on here who has gone through something like this, or knows of someone who did, and is willing to talk about it.

Pretty much, here.

(also for posterity, the idea of advising you to talk to a psychologist or anyone with certified experience in the field of thought, is to ensure things go smoothly without any bias--while there exists misdiagnoses and miscommunication [ie Personal fears may prevent honest conversation from one side to the other], that is generally a good idea, as in professionalism like that, there is honesty in practice. Both self and client(? unsure of term)-honesty.]

[Naryar]

I honestly think that Sam here should just... go away from MLP for a good while. So he stops focusing too much on it.

No, the world isn't horrible, no matter how your personal experience tells you otherwise. The world has many things, some viewed as positive some viewed as negative, but it's what makes us human.

No, not everyone is evil and cruel and horrible. Saying that, Sam, would imply that I am a horrible being for posting in this thread, and the same for all the other people who are speaking with you in the same thread.

Besides by saying that you are being cruel to other people. Which makes your claim of "other people are cruel to me" rather invalid.

[Tiruin]

I honestly think that Sam here should just... go away from MLP for a good while. So he stops focusing too much on it.

I believe he is 'focused too much on it' due to the qualities shown in it...as a coping mechanism for what evils seen before that? Likely.
He could also still be attached to it, and posts towards him would rather suggest alternatives--like looking past what had happened in the childhood, and seeing if those evils exist to everyone else.

Because that's my best guess on why his outlook is as it is--the significance of what had happened in the past.

It's rather better, in this time at least, to provide support and advice on his outlook instead of ripping point B from point A too early before the self has realized those things, though making the idea aware isn't a bad thing either. (because sometimes it may be taken as an act of uncaring or lacking concern if such things are suggested without the reasoning behind it, even though it isn't visibly obvious.)

Also..it's rather less of an 'attachment' problem than any kind of coping or support he's been receiving. Hearkening back onto his past, such decisions like these are developed--the lack of support and aid may have contributed to it.

And damn do I really want to hug that guy and help him personally, but I'm pretty much separated by a whole sea, and several areas of land given my location. :X

[Shook]

Man, forgive me for my wording here, but it saddens me when i see people feeling like this. I don't mean the attachment problem, i mean that thing about feeling like one doesn't belong in this world. I know the following is going to sound hollow when coming from a human, but please do realize that i am genuinely concerned for you. I don't see you as a slab of labour that still has sweat and tears to offer to this world, i see that you could bring a whole lot of kindness to this world, and i would hate for all that kindness to be lost. The solution to a (somewhat) cruel world is not for all the kind people to abandon it, you know.

With that said, the world isn't really BAD per sé, it's just... Unforgiving at times, but that's how all of nature is. Doesn't matter if you're a human, aardvark, zebra, alligator or jellyfish. In fact, out of those, humans are the ones who can get the most away with making mistakes, because we don't have predators looming around every corner that want to eat us.

Anyways, i digress; yes, there are bad people in this world, but it's extremely unfair to put everyone in the same box. The average person, at least where I am, is actually a quite decent person who wouldn't even dream of hurting you. There's simply no good reason to be hurtful/aggressive to strangers (those who behave like that anyways do not qualify for humans), so although people might not openly be hugging each other all day, you can be quite certain that if you approach and greet them with an open mind (none of that "humans are terrible" business, people are good at picking up on such vibes through your body language), you'll find them to be quite amicable individuals, and perhaps they'll even share one or more of your interests.

Now, please forgive me for the following, because i know that it's an extremely touchy subject for you, but know that there are parallels between Earth and Equestria. Granted, there's no overt magic or talking ponies, but there is friendship, kindness and altruism, much more so than what you seem to think. The people i'm around on a daily basis would happily assist you with various tasks if you ask (and it's not terribly inconvenient for them), and this is not just close relatives i'm talking about. University students in particular tend to be a cheerful lot, even if they may be under pressure from the education. There are entire charity organizations dedicated to helping out the needy, and most people who contribute are volunteers. Hell, my own brother has recently joined up with the local Leo Club! Point is, many people are actively striving to make this world a better place, myself included. There are even regular kind people who are actually living out their dreams at this very moment, and they didn't necessarily get there by stepping on others.

There's just one critical difference between Earth and Equestria: Earth is very, very complex, for better or worse. There's no big good or big bad in this world (although a few people certainly have come close on both sides); in the end, it's all about making of this life what you want. To just discard that opportunity via suicide is a terrifying thought to me, as much as discarding an opportunity to live in Equestria would be unthinkable to you. But, because this world is as complex as it is, you might face difficulties, and you might even face perceived impossibilities. You're never going to be able to eat the sun, of course, but goals like mastering a craft for your own sake? Totally doable. Making the world a better and nicer place? Totally doable as well. You might even get to contribute to the admittedly wonderful world of MLP!

But, alas, i am only human, and all i can do is talk to you and hope that it helps you. All the best to you, mate.

[Tiruin]

o/ Shook!

There's just one critical difference between Earth and Equestria: Earth is very, very complex, for better or worse. There's no big good or big bad in this world (although a few people certainly have come close on both sides); in the end, it's all about making of this life what you want. To just discard that opportunity via suicide is a terrifying thought to me, as much as discarding an opportunity to live in Equestria would be unthinkable to you. But, because this world is as complex as it is, you might face difficulties, and you might even face perceived impossibilities. You're never going to be able to eat the sun, of course, but goals like mastering a craft for your own sake? Totally doable. Making the world a better and nicer place? Totally doable as well. You might even get to contribute to the admittedly wonderful world of MLP!

This thing here.
Many possibilities exist that the concept of linearity doesn't hold much when predicting the future or judging a whole population. Experience through history has stretched so far back and been recorded honestly for quite so much time that the world is an expanse of various ideas and cultures, that not one goal exists in your life, but many (unless the area you live in is very suppressed or controlled by those in authority )

There are underlying reasons on why something is said to be, as it is, which would also be said on both sides of morality. Comparing to MLP (of which I didn't watch at all but judge from hearing others talk about it), the cast of this world is tantamount to millions, compared to the smaller cast of MLP, wherein you could easily make judgements--yet still notice that the exemplified characters have levels of depth to their persona and being presented.

But, alas, i am only human, and all i can do is talk to you and hope that it helps you. All the best to you, mate.

And this too. :<
Honestly, the most we can do here is give advice...*looks at board where this thread is in*, yet the idea of other people being there for ya is not to be discounted. Wondrous things with the morale it does, when the thought of being alone is discarded by the existence of hope--and the proof on why there is hope.

[Orange Wizard]

You guys/girls deserve some tea and biscuits. You're much better at the whole advice thing than I am.

[Sam Polson]

Just popping in to say that I am hoping for the very best outcome for Sam here.

Which is why I'm obligated to (again) recommend professional help. I'm not qualified to assist you, as much as I'd like to. Just remember that the world doesn't have to be good for you to be.

I don't care about this world. I don't need it.
And I don't have intentions to end upp in an asylum.

But it cares about you.
Xvareon came to us three times looking for a way to help you.
NullForceOmega has spent three hours trying to help you.
Three (times two) other people have spent time trying to help, wait for it... you.

if random strangers on the internet don't want you to die, think of how many people in your own town will at least feel a twinge of sadness when they find you in the news.

meaningless suicide (that is, the type brought about by sadness) is seen by most moral systems as the most selfish thing you can do, and I am sure that Princess Celestia would not approve of that.

Oh really? Cares about me? Okay.
People liked to mock, insult and humilate me all the time I was exposed. Treat me like a target for mocking or at the very least, like the dirt under feets.
People who mocking ponies and humiliating them, just to have fun or whatever, they hurt me deeply. And I don't care if they don't know about it. It still hurts like hell, you know.
A friendship that lasted for almost two years, that provided so much goodness and so much tears of joy to me was just destroyed. I had to beg three times, within several months, asking not to break everything. I did all I could to change things, to make it better. And it's useless. Everything is. Do you know how it feels, when something that is everything for you just... crumbles? I felt it and now I don't want to deal with humans anymore.
The world where friendship does not exists is not for me. I'm too weak for this kind of world.
And neither you nor me have a right to decide for the Princess, what decision she'd make. It's Her Majesty's business, not ours.

@Antsan

I don't know what'd happen here -- I don't want to take any risks.
I don't have an opportunity to move anywhere. But there's no point either -- there are humans living everywhere, so it'd be the same, no matter what.
I wasn't denying that ponies are idealized humans, in the show. But you know what? Humans can act like ponies. They can make a society, similiar to it. But they don't do it. More than that -- they don't want it. Look how much money they spend at war, at useless technology, at other stuff like this. They are ready to tear each other apart, arguing which imaginable friend is better (religion wars). Not to mention other things.
I don't see a future for us. Not for agressive, primitive apes with corrupted, blood-thursty minds.
They can work hovewer they want. It didn't change a thing. And it won't.

@Sam: Let's check this out first from an order of systematic ideas. First note: the idea of psychosis is a guide and not a label, or a hindrance for you--it says that there's something within your method of thought which is--not necessarily wrong, but may be very objective that it may 'blank out' or blind rational thinking.

Before any conclusions are drawn, one major thing I've seen is how far you perceive things--and how you conclude by them. Firstly: You've got the right attitude to combat whatever fears in this world exist; you are unattached towards material goods, and wish the best for people. Appended to that: It's how you go with it and how far you see things as reality, where it may go wrong. There's also the concept of keeping an open-mind when facing scenarios here.

Now analyze this: Where are you looking, that you may conclude upon the whole entirety of the human race, and conclude that you don't belong here? This world is comprised of people, when if theoretically placed in your field of vision, will go beyond the horizon from side to side and even behind your cone of sight. You may be viewing too much of the negative, and latching too hard on it, to let go and proceed with an open-mind to search for other ideas--however, the potential is in you. Meaning: I advise you to look at what you're currently seeing and thinking and let it go for a while, and listen. Query to yourself those who speak and balance out what negatives you say, and ponder if there is any merit to it. Do not generalize.

There were people who tried to make this place better. Lots of them. And where are they now? And where are results of their actions? They are laughed on, mocked, treated like freaks or even turned into monsters from kids' books, like Joseph Stalin.
People who tried to build a better society, or at least improve it are doomed to faillure, as we've seen it in human history.

One problem: What is ideally defined may not work objectively.
Meaning: The idea is right, but how you execute it is where trouble may dwell.

PS: The orange part is one instance which I poke my note of you generalizing, and having an aspect of shortsightedness in. Please do research and seek what is good, before you put forward such a statement.
As in, scour the history books, and find who built a better society--as well as people working towards it and what drives them.
The sentence before the orange part is also a generalizing one--I believe you think of a specific and certain example when you typed that; answer this: Is everyone who tried to do good treated like that, for the entirety of history proceeding their lifespan?
Or is their attitude or whatever else which they did, acted upon or how they proceeded with an idea that made who they are?

They actually were treated like this. And their ideas were doomed to faillure, because human nature goes against good things. We want our 'freedom' so much, that the best social structure for us is an anarchy, where humans will be finally able to stop hiding behind masks and act like animals they are.

Well, I don't think I need to any evidences, anyway. If people are capable to such deeds, there's not hope for them to not just improve the world, but even one community.
Maybe it's an agressive type of humans' nature, because we evolved from apes, which've been known as really agressive animals.
Maybe it's an agressive environment or whatever.
I don't know. But you know what? I don't even want to know. I just see what is happening -- here, there, no matter. And I can tell for certain -- I don't want a tiny bit of it. I'm not agressive. Far from it. Maybe in my case evolution's gone wrong. I don't fit in this world, because I can't be cruel and heartless. I'm too soft and weak for this place.

Here, I poke at the dangers of proceeding upon possibility-treated-as-fact. Leaning towards the most reliant observation or inference and treating it as a causative to form a conclusion is...lacking, at best, in this context.

See the first orange line: It's treating an observation as fact, with emphasis on how the wording is placed (statement in question is underlined for detail). It lacks substance into the background of the observation.

Now view the second portion: Why don't you want to know? Is knowing such details equal destruction? Because if you stop learning--which is paradoxically impossible, given that we learn every day of our lives--then conclusions fall short in the field you're currently basing observations in. Emphasis to the topic at hand--when it deals with your life and what you base your worth upon.

I don't want to know because I've seen outcomes so many times, that you can't call it a simple coincidence.

I don't want to live in this horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.
If you put a pony in here, they'd either die or go nuts in no time. Because of bad things that some people treat as good, and of good things that ponies would treat as barely tolerable at best.
The very thought of living here for decades makes me scared and tired at the same time. I already lived long than I want, 'cause I'm almost 23 now. I want to ponies' world. I belong there.

Poking here, too. There's a solid instance you're thinking behind the [orange statement here] which makes you say so--its a generalizing one, again, but its one of curious value.
What makes you say this world is full of people who are beyond mean? I do hope you took in the idea that the news and general media report negative instances of society to inform, right? That the adage of 'evil shouting louder than good' is valid here?

But to continue: Yes, the very idea of living decades on that world would instill fear and fatigue in anyone. This, however, depends on what you make of it, and what you perceive of it. Are you too focused on the negative to see that there is good in this world, or is there a note that there is severe hostility within your community that is causing that kind of perception?

What exact examples are you thinking that make the world so evil, that you can't see the good in it?

World is full of people beyond mean. Look at wars, crime rates, domestic violence and other nice things like this. And some people treat it like normal.
It's not a kind of perception. I just don't wear pink glasses and see the world as it truly is.
As for examples -- hey, just look around.

Spoiler: spoilered for space (click to show/hide)

Ponies never lived on Earth (thanks Princess Celestia for that). They couldn't even imagine everyday routine humans gone through every day. For them it'd be unbearable. You know why? Because they are different. They aren't capable of doing horrible things. They can be nasty and mean -- but it cannot even compare to what an average human can do. For them it's just... unbelievable.
Ponies can hate, too. They hate unjustice, evil, cruelty. As for dawn, stars and such -- Equestria has all of this. It's not the point. The point is what humans did. Their horrible society. When I will be in Equestria, I'd be able to see dawn, rise, stars, moon, butterflies, birds and such. But I also will know that there are ponies who aren't capable of horrible deeds like humans. And a great amount of them would be happy to help me, if I ever in need. And I'd help me in return. They believe that helping is vital -- but only if you're helping those who deserve it.
And about giving up, see my message. They didn't live in this world, so they can't know how horrible it is.

Why don't you care about this world?

You described it like this:

horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.

Which I would like to contest. Don't get me wrong - the world is all of those things - but it's also full of wonder, mercy, kindness, and beauty. And people who are beyond selfless.
It all depends on where you look.

Does the bad outweigh the good? Maybe. To me, it doesn't matter. There is good. And I do my best to be a part of it.

So much bad does not outweigh good stuff. And besides, even good stuff it flawed. Beyond measure.

What I see here again are statements borne out of a pointed viewpoint--as in, ideas from one angle of viewing a very broad notion only.
What you see in ponies are the good emphasized by people--they hate unjustice, evil and cruelty, and who wouldn't, exactly? Everyone does. Though there are parts here that signal that you've already judged people--as an entire species or relatively people in general, on very few aspects which...demonize them, all. I'll call upon realization here: what is it that you don't see in this world, that makes you hate it with such severity that you'd want to kill yourself and be off with it?

Who wouldn't hate unjustice and cruelty? Well, maniacs, murders, sadists, rapers, drug dealers, and others like this.
I hate this world so much, because humans are responsible for many of their problems. They make these problems themselves, and then trying to find solutions.
Humans also treat bad things like good and good things like that, and using sophistry and philosophy to justify their animal nature. Hypocrates, liers and just idiots are ruling humans' society. And you know what's the worst thing about it? If we will replace them with anyone else -- it'd be the same. Humans are flawed from the very beginning. Apes' nature and such.

If I die tomorrow, it'd be nice.
You see, the things is -- even good things as you put them, that this life could offer... they aren't good. Like, at all. People could be happy to have them, but not me. I'm not like many of them.
Besides, what good things? Weath? Popularity? Kids? What? I don't want any of that. Not in here.
This world itself doesn't fit me. It's too harsh and demanding. You can't have a decent life just by being kind and trying to help everyone. They will take advantage even on the most innocent and kind help in the horrible way and left you broken. Friends will leave you, even if it's not quite their fault. Circumstances. Surrounding. The world.
Like I said, I don't fit in here. I'm too soft and sappy for this place. I was born in the wrong race, I'm sure of it.

I note a significant amount of certainty in your examples here, though I'm focusing on the orange part.
Is the first sentence in orange treated as a fact--or...have you researched up motivational speakers, and those who are actively being selfless and kind, trying to help everyone explicitly matching that example, and having a decent life?

Like I said, they can't change the nature of humans. They can do whatever they want, but they always will be treated like jesters. Nothing else.

What makes you say that 'you can't have a decent life if [kindness]'? Do note that when I say 'what makes you say x', its more of curiosity than any other thing you may assume.

Because kind persons are abused and treated like weak. They are tools and legal slves for those who are strong. Simple.

Also the next orange sentence: Who are "they"? And what drives them to do such measures? That is a direct and specific instance, though it is purely situational with lacking foundation as an example.

They are the people who are you trying to help. They will abuse your help and blame you for not helping enough, or for you help in general. Like, they asked you to do something for them, you did it and they are blaming you, because you had to figure out somehow, that they wanted you to do all their chores, clean their house and wash their car, for example. And they will be always reminding you and tell that you are a bad person who couldn't even take a hint and help.

By far, I question your method of operation (or...like, how you think and view the world: there is the semblance of goodness, but the judgement is very off). You've got the attitude it takes to do good for others, but there are some instances in your foundation and perception//world-view which hinder it.
Query: Why waste your life via suicide when you can use it to make the world better? Because it is futile? What makes it futile?

Because, like I was saying, nobody could change the nature of humans. Neither you, nor me.

I've read up your posts and see that you've got the inherent potential to do a ton better than the superficial denotation of you facing an asylum to preserve yourself--however those ideas come with introspection.

I'm real concerned there, Sam, and I'm wondering what exactly drives you to say these things about a people, as a whole. I mean, reading up all your posts--you're got the potential, positive to the brim, though something seems to have tarnished either that, or how you view everything(?) or everyone else around you.

Edit: Didn't check in on the OP.
...
*hugs Sam*
Now there's a ton more that I'd love to talk about with you in person given the light on backing details...I can pretty much relate (as in understand) the attitude going on and...there's a serious ton of details I'd like to put, but needs more info ._.

So, I was hoping that I could find someone on here who has gone through something like this, or knows of someone who did, and is willing to talk about it.

Pretty much, here.

(also for posterity, the idea of advising you to talk to a psychologist or anyone with certified experience in the field of thought, is to ensure things go smoothly without any bias--while there exists misdiagnoses and miscommunication [ie Personal fears may prevent honest conversation from one side to the other], that is generally a good idea, as in professionalism like that, there is honesty in practice. Both self and client(? unsure of term)-honesty.]

@Shook

I'm sorry, but you don't seem to understand my point. It's my fault, of course, for not being able to explain it better.
Just... seems that since I was abandoned by nearly everyone, nobody understands me. And... I don't really care. I have to be alone, because others would just try to hurt me, no matter if it's out of good motivation or bad.
Kindness and other things like this do exist in this world, but they are extremely limited and have a tendency to burn off fast. Humans can't be kind for too long. It goes against their nature.

P.S. I hate making long forum posts...

[Tiruin]

  As I feared...
And by that, I mean by what you experienced in the past colors your outlook on life.

Sam, are you 100% insistent on seeing such wrong acts as 'human nature', that it is unchangeable--or that in every kind of activity or action done, there is the existence of choice?

Because the evidence seems particularly clear that your outlook is very much rooted in what happened to you in the past. It was prevalent so much that you assume its natural in people when...it isn't.

It is not in human nature to be total domineering jerks, to sap from others because they are good. I advise you to look back upon your past: there're notes of a bad childhood: is it the same thing all around the world today?

World is full of people beyond mean. Look at wars, crime rates, domestic violence and other nice things like this. And some people treat it like normal.
It's not a kind of perception. I just don't wear pink glasses and see the world as it truly is.
As for examples -- hey, just look around.

Shallow proof you have.
That's only focused on the TINY majority of all things in life...and daresay I that it seems more than fact for you because of what you've experienced before...
That is not the world as it truly is. Many people are very much aware of such things--and it has been a debated, and proven ideology, that such acts are not inherent of 'human nature', but very subjective in why they were performed (ie environmental factors).

They actually were treated like this. And their ideas were doomed to faillure, because human nature goes against good things. We want our 'freedom' so much, that the best social structure for us is an anarchy, where humans will be finally able to stop hiding behind masks and act like animals they are.

You remind me of Hobbes' Social contracts...and also of the fallacies therein.
As in, you're generalizing very badly here. You assume that evil is inherent to human nature.

Who wouldn't hate unjustice and cruelty? Well, maniacs, murders, sadists, rapers, drug dealers, and others like this.
I hate this world so much, because humans are responsible for many of their problems. They make these problems themselves, and then trying to find solutions.
Humans also treat bad things like good and good things like that, and using sophistry and philosophy to justify their animal nature. Hypocrates, liers and just idiots are ruling humans' society. And you know what's the worst thing about it? If we will replace them with anyone else -- it'd be the same. Humans are flawed from the very beginning. Apes' nature and such.

You got a major point that exists \o/ Most problems existing today are of human creation. Yet it pertains specifically with how the situation is handled, and not the inherent value of the person: their attitudes, and not that they are human.
How you follow it up is...lopsided. It's fully leaning on one side instead of being open-minded and applies judgement to what isn't true--or to reword: you act like people are predictable without looking deeper than the most superficial of data, here.

Compare it to 'apes' pretty much. That's missing a whole sea of ideas in how you judge things. :\

They are the people who are you trying to help. They will abuse your help and blame you for not helping enough, or for you help in general. Like, they asked you to do something for them, you did it and they are blaming you, because you had to figure out somehow, that they wanted you to do all their chores, clean their house and wash their car, for example. And they will be always reminding you and tell that you are a bad person who couldn't even take a hint and help.

. . .Untrue.
You speak of significant and specific people: Those who resort to abuse and control to get their way...and not humanity, as a whole.

Query to you--why do you think we're all being very against those ideas that you carry (and not you, yourself)? Those who you mentioned in this quote here are that which is the root of problems: people who lack understanding, are immature or to describe in brevity, dislikeable people.

Connect it to what the OP said--your past. It may be very hard to nudge you out of it due to primary experience compared to the environment many people actually grew in. There're doubts, too, in your thoughts, though not clearly obvious in your posts, however.
Basically, a note in psych. Here.

Query: What do you think is your hope in the good of humanity based upon?

Posting from work here, because uni is busy stuff :<