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[Samio]

Alrighty, so this idea came to me while I was browsing Youtube comments: What if one was to take a stupidly simple sentence and make it... not simple? I dunno how best to describe it, here's an example:

So say somebody writes down: "Hey, watch your mouth!"
I'd write: "Please stay aware of your verbal functions."

For more fun, I may even write a "literal translation":
"Hello. Please examine a reflective surface and gaze upon your verbal orifice. Please attempt to keep a firm guard about said orifice until otherwise ordered."
So not intended translations are OK too.

Here are the rules and steps:

1. Forum rules apply, obviously.
2. At the end of complicating someone's sentence, write down a simple sentence. It can be at most 3 lines long. Use preview, if you need a better idea of how long a line is. Remember that shortening words and otherwise grammatically frowned upon things are OK in the "Simple Sentence".
3. You MUST complicate the sentence ABOVE you first. If you really want to complicate somebodies sentence further up, then quote that simple sentence and write it's complication after. You must always end your post with your simple sentence.
4. Feedback is welcome, but try not to derail the thread. Please?

I'll start:

Barebones Jim has no bones.

[TamerVirus]

Lacking skeletal structure James is, as his namesake suggests, lacks a skeletal structure.

We sell Free beer here, tomorrow only!

[Harry Baldman]

A certain subcategory of fermented alcoholic beverages will be available without deference to the classic alcohol-money exchange covenant laid down by tradition at a location identical to our current one for a limited time period lasting for twenty four hours, starting midnight tonight.

I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way.

[Kashyyk]

I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way.

Photons are being emmited from Sol, the closest star to our current location, Terra, travelling through near vacuum for approximately 8 minutes and being reflected off of the surface of a small rock based celestial body called Luna, which for reasons unbeknowst to myself is at this moment considered negative. Some continue moving in the direction of Terra, taking just over a second, before passing through my cornea and reaching my retina, which causes a number of electrical signals which are interpreted by my brain. From my current perspective, is at the horizon and Terra is spinning in such a way as to bring Luna closer to the center of the sky. Through the same method as before photons are reflected off of something that can only be described as 'trouble'  and reaches my eye. It's current vector implying it will be in my vicinity in the near future.


I think therefore I am.

[Morghaine]

I am engaging in a certain activity that is supposed to be exectued by the brain only and doesn't require any movement of the body, even though it is reported to be supportive, to scratch one's head, chin or beard meanwhile. This activity is said to be an indicator of a thing being existant, since only existing living beings are apparently capable of said mental ability.


And they lived happily ever after.

[IcyTea31]

And lo and behold, thus the indeterminate protagonist of this indeterminately told tale and their significant other of indeterminate gender found themselves living a most pleasant life with no worries to speak of, after which not death did them part, but they continued their notably joyous existence in the afterlife of their particular religion or irreligion, or possibly in a state of existence no man has ever conceived of. Of course, if these indeterminate characters were in fact not bound to die as normal mortals do, they never did and in fact continued living their most pleasant life forever, as death did not find them.
Watch out, that snake looks dangerous!

[Nunzillor]

It is imperative, dear listener, that one such as yourself (that is, one nearby a reptile referred to as a snake in the colloquial) take heed of the markings, if such markings are present, on the previously mentioned organism.  You should do so because they indicate to a trained naturalist, or indeed anyone with knowledge in this particular domain, that a bite from this coiled harbinger of death will expeditiously send a soul screaming to the maelstrom of chaotic energies beyond the borders of human knowledge, where the next stage of existence (if that term can truly apply) shall guide you to a place beyond mortal imaginings.  For who knows what calming horrors or cyclopean banalities lie beyond the Pearly Gates?  Certainly you shall, for better or worse, if you do not take heed of my warning.

Damn, I forgot my keys!

[IcyTea31]

Oh dear, this situation most dire would make me spew expletives, for I, myself, seem to have mistakenly left my openers of various latches into my abode, from where I now am locked out for I cannot open the door.
Come on, this way, I don't have all day!

[blazing glory]

I need you to bodily move yourself in this direction as time is of the essence.

I'm sick.

[TamerVirus]

I must, verily declare that on this particular and at this particular moment, my physiological well being is impaired by an undetermined microbial invasion, resulting in a most unpleasant bodily response as activated by numerous white blood cells.


I can't believe that its not butter

[Lord_lemonpie]

I am unable to believe that this substance is not a dairy product made by churning fresh or fermented cream or milk.

I like playing dwarf fortress

[IcyTea31]

I find, in my personal opinion, that a certain ASCII-based video game about either managing an outpost or adventuring around in a fantasy world played on a computer, by the name of Dwarf Fortress, is extremely amusing.
My hovercraft is full of eels.

[blazing glory]

My craft,that uses a system of propulsion to propel itself slightly above ground,is infested by a large quantity of eels.

I have a splitting headache.

[Lord_lemonpie]

I have an unpleasant feeling caused by intense or damaging stimuli in my head

Lemonpie tastes great.

[Harbingerjm]

Consumption of glowing frogs and/or citrus based baked goods is pleasing to my gustatory perception.