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[Comrade Shamrock]

You dance by spinning around, after you spin around so much you feel dizzy then get sick. Then you pass out out and drown on your own vomit.

Posting on Bay12

[Lightningfalcon]

You are put on multiple FBI watchlist, and then your second post puts you on their hit list.  The SWAT team kicks down your door and fills you with many tiny holes. 

Donating to a charity that helps out orphans and cute kitties. 

[Aslandus]

Your donation is insufficient to satisfy one of the orphans, and they become a mad scientist who builds a death ray and fires it at the moon. The resulting destruction of the moon stops tidal flows and half the population dies due to starvation from food not being able to be shipped to their town.

Holding an umbrella in a forest

[Comrade Shamrock]

You think it will protect you from a falling tree. It doesn't.

Giving someone a gun.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

They shoot you with it

Playing video games on an Atari 2600

[Noel.se]

The console malfunctions and starts to burn.

Saying hi.

[Lightningfalcon]

You said hi to Cthulhu. 

Writing an essay.

[Comrade Shamrock]

You stab yourself with a fountain pen and bleed out.

Building a car.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

you do an terrible job with it and it causes the car to blow up

Posting in forum

[Lightningfalcon]

The FBI kicks in your door and fills you with many 9mm sized holes. 

Highlighting text in bold.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

It's so insulting too some people that go suicidal and die

1 ml of water

[Madman198237]

That one milliliter wasn't enough to keep you alive for long in the desert, which was created because you took that little bit of water from the local reservoir.

Inspecting your brand new, self-built railgun.

[Ross Vernal]

Forgetting to point away from yourself and discovering first-hand how deadly your rail gun is.

Putting mail into the mailbox at a reasonable time of the day, with good visibility and no cars in sight.

[Madman198237]

(By the way, I was looking for something more interesting for killing me with my new railgun-why didn't your answer involve electrocution? Or teleporting? I was really looking for someone to say I shot myself into who-knows-where with the railgun...)
You didn't look up, and discover just how allergic you are to bird poop.

Playing adventurer mode, DF.

[Lightningfalcon]

You are teleported into the world of DF.  Have fun!

Having fun.