Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[EuchreJack]

Once upon a time, in an alternate reality, Jesus of Nazareth and Caesar were engaged in a fierce battle for world domination. The two had amassed armies, with Jesus' followers fighting for him and Caesar's army consisting of the might of the Roman Empire.

The battle raged on for months, with both sides suffering heavy losses. Jesus, however, had a secret weapon - his unwavering faith in God. He led his army with the strength of his convictions and refused to back down, no matter the odds.

Finally, after many long months, Jesus and Caesar's armies met on the battlefield for the final showdown. The two leaders faced each other, with their armies surrounding them. Jesus stood tall and proud, his eyes fixed on Caesar. Caesar, on the other hand, was nervous and unsure of what to do.

Suddenly, Jesus raised his arms to the sky, calling out to God for guidance and strength. A bright light shone down upon him, filling him with an otherworldly power. He looked down at Caesar and spoke with a booming voice that echoed across the battlefield.

"Caesar, you have oppressed my people for too long. You have used your power to subjugate and control them, but your reign ends today. I will bring peace and justice to the world, and you will bow down before me."

Caesar was stunned. He had never seen such power before, and he realized that he could not win this battle. He lowered his sword and kneeled before Jesus, acknowledging him as the true ruler of the world.

Jesus accepted Caesar's surrender and took control of the Roman Empire. He implemented policies that promoted peace, justice, and equality for all. His reign was marked by prosperity and happiness, and the people of the world lived in peace and harmony.

Years later, when Jesus was an old man, he looked back on his life and knew that he had fulfilled his destiny. He had conquered Caesar, not with violence, but with the power of his faith and the love in his heart. And he knew that his legacy would live on for generations to come.

The funny thing is that this is about 75% true to real life.

You meant 25%, and only if you use Caesar as a job title instead of a person, and Holy Roman Empire as a continuation of the Roman Empire.

...then again, this was probably the Caesar at the crucifixion:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula

[dragdeler]

It seems like you think the holy roman empire is what they called the roman empire once it had christianity as state religion... and tbf it is confusing since they got run over by germanic tribes, and the holy roman empire was in the general vicinity of modern germany... But there is 4 centuries between them.

It's the carolingians or whatever who decided to retroactively brand their governement as descending of rome... a bit like the sect that converted the roman empire by resting their case on some dude who supposedly lived 2-3 generations earlier...

Because of religious nutsacks you will be quick to find sources that say jesus was a real person, the thing is had herodes really done a census in the name of the romans, those documents would exist, yet the afaik, they don't.

[TamerVirus]

Ah yes, the Holy Roman Empire that was neither holy nor Roman nor an empire

[TD1]

The Holy Roman Empire really was the definition of 'dress for the job you want, not the one you have.'

[EuchreJack]

...I think "Empire" wasn't totally off-base.

[TD1]

Hrrrrrm, depends on your definition of 'Empire.'

It was more a confederation with an elected head, or 'Emperor.'

[Travis Bickle]

Ah yes, the Holy Roman Empire that was neither holy nor Roman nor an empire

Wow. I didn't know that. You're telling me now for the first time.

[TD1]

Smh. Amirite? Right. Confused and scared, mate.


_{First letter each word}

[Rolan7]

Actually it was Voltaire not Sartre
(/j)

[TD1]

Indubitably, Sartre exceeds everybody.

[Frumple]

That thumping noise cats make when they run themselves into furniture or walls just... it doesn't seem to get old. Always good for a chuckle.

also for advanced laser pointer spinnies, do half the circle on the floor and the other half on the wall

if your cat's on the ball they'll keep spinning anyway, just partially vertical it's great

[scriver]

Smh. Amirite? Right. Confused and scared, mate.


_{First letter each word}

SMHAIRRCASM

[hector13]

Someone I know ended up in a tabloid for being silly.

[King Zultan]

What did they do?

[hector13]

Minor criminality. Genuinely not sure why it’s in the paper beyond “this person did something stupid let’s laugh at them”, but it’s a tabloid so I’m sure there are different standards at play.