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[Loud Whispers]

The army of Austria, approximately 100,000 strong, was setting up camp around the town of Karánsebes (now Caransebeş, in modern Romania). The army's vanguard, a contingent of hussars, crossed the Timiş River nearby to scout for the presence of the Ottoman Turks. There was no sign of the Ottoman army, but the hussars did run into a group of Tzigani, who offered to sell schnapps to the war-weary soldiers. The cavalrymen bought the schnapps and started to drink.

Soon afterwards, some infantry crossed the river. When they saw the party going on, the infantry demanded alcohol for themselves. The hussars refused to give them any of the schnapps, and while still drunk, they set up makeshift fortifications around the barrels. A heated argument ensued, and one soldier fired a shot.

Immediately, the hussars and infantry engaged in combat with one another. During the conflict, some infantry began shouting "Turci! Turci!" ("Turks! Turks!"). The hussars fled the scene, thinking that the Ottoman army’s attack was imminent. Most of the infantry also ran away; the army comprised Italians from Lombardy, Serbs, Croats, and Austrians, plus other minorities, many of whom could not understand each other. While it is not clear which one of these groups did so, they gave the false warning without telling the others, who promptly fled. The situation was made worse when officers, in an attempt to restore order, shouted "Halt! Halt!" which was misheard by soldiers with no knowledge of German as "Allah! Allah!".

As the cavalry ran through the camps, a corps commander reasoned that it was a cavalry charge by the Ottoman army, and ordered artillery fire. Meanwhile, the entire camp awoke to the sound of battle and, rather than waiting to see what the situation was, everyone fled. The troops fired at every shadow, thinking the Ottomans were everywhere; in reality they were shooting fellow Austrian soldiers. The incident escalated to the point where the whole army retreated from the imaginary enemy, and Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was pushed off his horse into a small creek.

Two days later, the Ottoman army arrived. They discovered 10,000 dead and wounded soldiers and easily took Karansebeş.

How the fuck did the Ottomans not take Vienna

[FallacyofUrist]

Moral of the story: don't drink alcohol when you're supposed to be able to fight properly.

[MaximumZero]

Moral of the story: don't drink alcohol when you're supposed to be able to fight properly.

Never really stopped me much. Too bad I never took Vienna, either.

[KingofstarrySkies]

I think MZ is actually Little Mac.

[Eric Blank]

Moral of the story: don't drink alcohol when you're supposed to be able to fight properly.

Or better yet, make sure your troops can all understand each other and have decent discipline.

An army managing to decimate itself through sheer force of panic is hilarious regardless.

[FallacyofUrist]

An army managing to decimate itself through sheer force of panic is hilarious regardless.

Sigworthy.

[scrdest]

The army of Austria, approximately 100,000 strong, was setting up camp around the town of Karánsebes (now Caransebeş, in modern Romania). The army's vanguard, a contingent of hussars, crossed the Timiş River nearby to scout for the presence of the Ottoman Turks. There was no sign of the Ottoman army, but the hussars did run into a group of Tzigani, who offered to sell schnapps to the war-weary soldiers. The cavalrymen bought the schnapps and started to drink.

Soon afterwards, some infantry crossed the river. When they saw the party going on, the infantry demanded alcohol for themselves. The hussars refused to give them any of the schnapps, and while still drunk, they set up makeshift fortifications around the barrels. A heated argument ensued, and one soldier fired a shot.

Immediately, the hussars and infantry engaged in combat with one another. During the conflict, some infantry began shouting "Turci! Turci!" ("Turks! Turks!"). The hussars fled the scene, thinking that the Ottoman army’s attack was imminent. Most of the infantry also ran away; the army comprised Italians from Lombardy, Serbs, Croats, and Austrians, plus other minorities, many of whom could not understand each other. While it is not clear which one of these groups did so, they gave the false warning without telling the others, who promptly fled. The situation was made worse when officers, in an attempt to restore order, shouted "Halt! Halt!" which was misheard by soldiers with no knowledge of German as "Allah! Allah!".

As the cavalry ran through the camps, a corps commander reasoned that it was a cavalry charge by the Ottoman army, and ordered artillery fire. Meanwhile, the entire camp awoke to the sound of battle and, rather than waiting to see what the situation was, everyone fled. The troops fired at every shadow, thinking the Ottomans were everywhere; in reality they were shooting fellow Austrian soldiers. The incident escalated to the point where the whole army retreated from the imaginary enemy, and Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was pushed off his horse into a small creek.

Two days later, the Ottoman army arrived. They discovered 10,000 dead and wounded soldiers and easily took Karansebeş.

How the fuck did the Ottomans not take Vienna

Because Polan Stronk.

[Mr. Strange]

Moral of the story: don't drink alcohol when you're supposed to be able to fight properly.

Instead, sell it to your enemies and wait while they destroy themselves.

[Loud Whispers]

The lesson here kids is share your god damn schnapps

[Eric Blank]

found on the bug tracker a bug summarized as "Plump Helmet Men Can't Dance"

It is glorious.

[Tawa]

Link?

[Teneb]

found on the bug tracker a bug summarized as "Plump Helmet Men Can't Dance"

It is glorious.

Indeed it is.

[Shadowlord]

http://www.citylab.com/weather/2015/12/furious-dive-bombing-squirrels-injured-8-in-the-bay-area/418767/

God damn terrorists.

[BlackFlyme]

Of course Plump Helmet Men can't dance. Dancing requires good lip movement, and Purple Men have no lips.

Like they say, you need hips that do not lie. E: Bah, I meant to put lips. Just noticed it now. Whatever, you probably get the joke.

http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=9183

[Spehss _]

http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=9183

Heh. I like how there's an option for bug "severity" which is "feature".

Reminds me of "it's not a bug, it's a feature."