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[Reelya]

Are negative-number friends imaginary?

No, but the square root of negative-number friends is imaginary.

Clearly, this is expressing a deep truth. If your imaginary friends multiply, then your total number of actual friends is reduced.

[Eric Blank]

I have neither. Can I into the friends?

[GiglameshDespair]

I have neither. Can I into the friends?

If you're in them you're damn good friends. Maybe try to slow down a tad, there.

[Calidovi]

Are negative-number friends imaginary?

No, but the square root of negative-number friends is imaginary.

Clearly, this is expressing a deep truth. If your imaginary friends multiply, then your total number of actual friends is reduced.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE
SO ARE YOU SAYING, LIKE, MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS ARE TRULY MY ENEMIES? MY MIND IS THE WORST VILLAIN I KNOW?
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE

EDIT: I also laughed at this.

[Graknorke]

http://anexcellent.website/

[Calidovi]

http://anexcellent.website/

Food for my body and my soul.

[Egan_BW]

Texas is convinced that Obama is sending the military to take away their bald eagles and cheeseburgers. No Texans, America doesn't hate you because you're white, free and independent; could it be possible that... the world doesn't revolve around Texas?

Among other hilarious witticisms in the article:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Inside, county Chairman Albert Ellison pulled out a yellow legal pad on which he had written page after page of reasons why many Texans distrust President Obama, including the fact that, “in the minds of some, he was raised by communists and mentored by terrorists.”

They are not “nuts and wackos. They are concerned citizens, and they are patriots,” Ellison said of his suspicious neighbors.

The meeting drew more than 150 people carrying signs that read “No Gestapo in Bastropo,” “Keep America Free” and “Dissent is Not a Conspiracy Theory.” Some asked whether the Army was bringing in Islamic State fighters, if the United Nations would be involved, and whether the military was planning to relieve local gun owners of their firearms.

Orr said he strongly disagrees with those views, and he supports Jade Helm. But he said a significant number of people in town distrust Obama because they think he is primarily concerned with the welfare of blacks and “illegal aliens.”

“People think the government is just not on the side of the white guy,” Orr said.

The hearing failed to tamp down the paranoia, however. Ellison, the GOP chairman, said “the fear factor is justified.”

“The Obama administration has a history of attacking Texas” on issues from education standards to environmental regulations to Obamacare, he said. “It’s not that much of a leap to believe that he would try to employ the military like he does the IRS.”

You're not a real part of the south, Texas. Got off our platform and go back to kangaroo boxing or whatever it is you do.

[EnigmaticHat]

Get in the cho cho Shinji

[Bohandas]

Texas is convinced that Obama is sending the military to take away their bald eagles and cheeseburgers. No Texans, America doesn't hate you because you're white, free and independent; could it be possible that... the world doesn't revolve around Texas?

In their defense though, Obama definitely is a a two-faced sociopath. If he wasn't he wouldn't be pushing the Transpacific Partnership and Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership

https://wikileaks.org/tpp/

[Loud Whispers]

Sshhhhh we don't talk about that, he likes the gays you see

[Flying Dice]

We've known that from the start, he's had a boatload of conservative economic advisors all along. But most of the left just ignores it because he's slightly socially liberal and an effective speaker.

[Orange Wizard]

I like how in American politics your left wing is actually just slightly less right-wing.

Sshhhhh we don't talk about that, he likes the gays you see

He fuckin' what?

Someone call Westboro. It's time for war.

[Aklyon]

Heavy found a tank.

[Flying Dice]

I like how in American politics your left wing is actually just slightly less right-wing.

We haven't had a progressive President since FDR (though there's some room for debate in certain instances). American politics used to be much more nuanced, as well; I recall a lengthy dataset I used once which illustrated the partisanship of Congress over the past ~60 years and it was downright frightening to see how polarized things have become. Hell, look at Teddy Roosevelt! He was (originally) Republican and the man Putin wishes he was. Yet he was also a moderate on immigration, (relatively) socially progressive in terms of accepting minorities (though he was still rather racist, merely in a way which suggested acceptance and cooperation as more practical than hatred), strongly opposed to the eugenics movement, and one of the staunchest opponents to unfettered capitalist exploitation. Over the course of his career he shifted from imperialistic to diplomatic foreign policy stances.

Where did it go wrong? It's the classic answer, but I'll blame Reagan.

[SalmonGod]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)