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[Cthulufaic]

This is too fucking funny.  I have never been more amused by the chinese language before my entire life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYBl5rjjtKU

[smirk]

I will not stand for an America where sex workers and North Korean dictators can sabotage our innocent babies' smiles.

[smirk]

I think it skews the three chosen talking-points so that they're all from broadly the same political wing.

Although... not always?

My opponent is receiving money from Exxon Mobil executives, Muslim extremists and tree-huggers.

[WillowLuman]

We should have a thread for these random generators. They're just so good!

[Tawa]

Yeah, it's sad how quickly the old Deepak Chopra generator falls back into obscurity after a revival.

EDIT:
I went on the Random Catchy Headline generator.

I win.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's 8 Mind-Blowing Beard Care Tips

20 Titilating Angry Birds Secrets From Steve Carell

15 Fascinating Secrets That Make Attorneys Feel Sexy

Sandra Bullock's Top 10 Surprising Drunk Driving Tips

12 Little-Known Halo Secrets From Jay-Z

[Worldmaster27]

When I'm elected, I'll make sure communists and North Korean dictators cannot take away our glorious future.

This would be taken seriously. Though "glorious future" sounds strangely like something a North Korean dictator would tell us...

Know this: that I support our job creators, our right to kill foreigners and our innocent grandparents.

With a bit of thought, this implies we have to right to kill innocent American grandparents.

Unlike myself, my opponent wants an America where Somali pirates and flight attendants can make a mockery of our right to bear arms.

wat

I will work for an America where fat cats and oil cartels can't take away our right to shoot brown people.

[Gentlefish]

I want an America where Washington elitists and shifty Canadians cannot undermine our right to exploit cheap overseas labor.

[Ogdibus]

I want an America where corrupt politicians and Iranian extremists cannot make a mockery of our medical dramas.

[Tawa]

Spoiler: Last panel potentially NSFW depending on where you work (click to show/hide)

[WillowLuman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOuEmQ5loEE

[Bohandas]

When I'm elected, I'll make sure communists and North Korean dictators cannot take away our glorious future.

This would be taken seriously. Though "glorious future" sounds strangely like something a North Korean dictator would tell us...

I've noticed that as a general rule of thumb anybody who regularly uses the word "glorious" probably isn't playing with a full deck.

[Dutrius]

I refuse to support an America where overpaid CEOs and Wall Street insiders can take away our medical dramas.
My supporters know that I believe in our right to bear arms, our moms and dads and our right to borrow money from Asia.
Know this: that I support our integrity, our love for Jesus and our right to exploit cheap overseas labor.
Unlike myself, my opponent wants an America where 24-hour news networks and Fox News cronies can destroy our innocent grandparents.
I refuse to support an America where Colombians and North Korean dictators can destroy our McMansions.
Know this: that I have faith in our right to accrue foreign debt, our fast food chains and our right to transparency.
My opponent is palling around with violent video game makers, shifty Canadians and corporate executives.

[KingofstarrySkies]

...There's such thing as a none-shifty Canadian?

[Tawa]

Canadians confirmed for pirates.

EDIT:

[Tawa]

You get charged for being outside?