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[Tawa]

This Game Stinks!

The War against Giygas!  _{^{Yes this is a complete ripoff of monk12's style of LP}}

After a short opening sequence, the EarthBound challenge that I invented on the spot shall begin.
Rules of the challenge are as follows:
1. Core Rule 1: The player is not allowed to revive fallen party members for three days. A "day" is defined as 24 minutes of gameplay or the time between hotel/mom rests, whichever comes first. Have fun.
2. Core Rule 2: The player must take 25% of the cash out of an ATM any time it is used. Money may not be deposited. As half on-hand cash is lost on a TPKO, this makes money more difficult to keep.
3. Side Rule 1: You may not use default names. We don't want faceless lame-os for breakfast, right?
4. Side Rule 2: You may not use Mach Pizza, the Fresh Egg Trick, or go out of their way to use free rest services. "Go out of their way" is defined as backtracking through the game or using Teleport specifically for the purpose of free HP recovery. Exemptions include start-of-game Mom and Frank resting, post-Happy Happy Village farm, and other such localized free resting.

I also invented optional rules, just in case anybody wants to try them. I won't.

Spoiler: Possible Optional Rules (click to show/hide)

Perhaps you could count a TPKO as death?
Perhaps you could give Ness or Jeff all the crap stuff when [REDACTED] gets [REDACTED], leaving [REDACTED] free of dead weight?
Perhaps you could have some very difficult one, such as having to talk to the dog before being allowed to rest?

Audience Participation

^{_{Can't have a show without 'em}}

Guess what guys? You guys get to name the stuff at the start of the game!*
^{_{*Excluding me}}
So, pick:
- Her name
- A friend's name
- Another friend's name
- The dog's name
-My favorite food will be HELMET, in homage to Plump Helmets. Hooray for shroom-addict children!
-My favorite thing? DWARF, obviously. Who says I can't play a baseball-bat wielding kid who's addicted to DF and also psychic?


First update coming soon, once the names have been voted on. VOTE QUICKFAST PEOPLE!

EDIT: I lost my save file, I also want to do a LP that I don't have to rack my memory to remember exactly what happened, and I also don't want to add in crappy restrictions to a game, so I'm going to make a new thread.

[birdy51]

Girl: Brunhilde

Boy: Eggbert

Other Boy: Eagle Fist

Dog: Smelly

[Tawa]

Oh yeah, I forgot. The names for the people go up to 5, dog goes to 6.

[birdy51]

Blast. Oh well.

I still vote for Smelly the dog.

[Tawa]

Hmmkay.

As I had the intention of nonstop voting on Day One, I'm going to name the rest of them based on their appearance.


^{Pink dress, blonde hair...} Peach.

^{Glasses, tuxedo...} He looks like a Barry for some reason.

^{Foreign, master of fist fights...} Urist. Because dorfs.

Alright, let's do this thing.

_{^{Text marked with an asterisk (*) is actual dialouge.}}

Ok then... fast text, stereo, mint windows... Let's begin!

We are presented with a short cutscene. This is, apparently, the year 199X, which apparently means an undefined point in the 1990s, so let's just go with 1995. We are in a small town called Onett in the country Eagleland, which I first thought was supposed to sound like "England" but is apparently a caricature of the United States of America. We are informed that a small house in the middle of nowhere is "Tawa's house". We then get a shot of me, sleeping.

ZZZ... I'M SLEEPING CONVINCINGLY... ZZZ

A large explosion then occurs, shaking the screen dramatically and waking up me.

What'n the...!

I promptly get out of bed to investigate. Unfortunately, my mother stops me immediately.

What was that noise? Ness, you don't seem scared. Are you nuts? And now you want to go check it out? ...oh ...okay. You'll sneak out of your room anyway, even if I asked you not to. At least change out of your jammies before you go.*

So, my mom forces me to go to my room to put on a baseball cap, shorts, shoes, and a shirt. Oh, and a yellow backpack. I head into a room in the hallway and grab a Cracked Bat.


_{^{A trusty weapon}}

I head outside, passing lots of cops and shiny cop cars, in the dead of night. I find a man standing at his front door, played by guest star Suspicious-Looking Guy, all the way from the Typical Tavern:
Hey Tawa, hiya buddy!*
Hello...?
A meteorite fell down and went boom! It was a real mess for a while. I was fine because I always eat garlic and work out to help make my body stronger. However, the weaker citizens probably fainted. I also want to tell you... whoops! I almost told you about my... Uh, by the way Ness, did you check my billboard? I wrote the message myself. That's my real job, you know... I'm a billboard guy. Why don't you check out my work?*
O_o

The billboard reads "Liar X. Aggerate". Yeeeah. Suuure.

I continue up the hill, and encounter my morbidly obese neighbor, Pokey, bothering some cops. Of course, Pokey doesn't want me to spoil his cop-annoying fun, so he tells me this.

Hey, Tawa. Don't be rubberneckin'. You're gettin' in the cops, oops... I mean officer's way!*

What are you talking about? I just got here!

You can go home now. Tomorrow I, Pokey, will tell you more about the strange
meteorite. I'm fine here, but you're bugging the officers!*

So, seeing as the Mighty Roadblocks of Death will not allow me to pass, I head home. My mother instructs me to "scoot off to bed".

LATER THAT NIGHT

*LOUD OBNOXIOUS KNOCKING*
What is it NOW?

Hey! L-L-Listen to what I've got to say! When I took Picky to the place where the meteorite landed... Oh! Good evening ma'am. You're looking lovely as usual. *snicker* Anyway, as I was saying, the police that were guarding the meteorite landing
left suddenly to deal with the Sharks.*

The Sharks? What about the Jets?

You know the Sharks, they're the local ruffians, and they were really going wild. Suddenly, I noticed that Picky was gone. I blame the cops... it certainly wasn't my fault at all. When my dad gets back, I know I'm gonna get it... You're my bestest friend. Won't YOU help me find Picky?*

NEVEEEEEER!

*game forces me to come along*

NOOOOOOOOO

Mom gets me to take along Smelly, who is not pleased with being dragged to the top of a hill.

DANG IT

So, on the way to the hill, I discover that there are insane animals nearby, including Mafioso crows and dogs with conflicting ear positions, all of whom I destroy with my bat and dog.
Forgettaboutit!
NOPE
I'M MAD BECAUSE MY EYES ARE TEARDROPS
NOPE

I reach the top of the hill, where Smelly leaves the hilltop and I discover Picky. A bee then flies off of the asteroid.
Hello
What the heck has Mom been putting in my plump helmets...?

Spoiler: INFODUMP WARNING (click to show/hide)

A bee I am not... I'm from 10 years in the future. And, in the future, all is devastation... Giygas, the universal cosmic destroyer, sent all to the horror of eternal darkness... ..... However, you must listen! Where I am from, there is a well-known legend that has been handed down from ancient times. It says "When the chosen boy reaches the point, he will find the light. The passing of time will shatter the nightmare rock and will reveal the path of light." You see, it is my opinion that you are that boy, Ness. This I believe... ..... Giygas' monstrous plan must have been set in motion somewhere on Earth... If you start to confront the enemy immediately, you may have time to counter the evil intentions of Giygas. Three things are of the utmost importance wisdom, courage, and friendship. ...The legends from the ancient times tell of three boys and a girl who defeat Giygas. ...I will tell you more later. Go now! And do not be anxious about the future.*

TL;DR?
TL;DR you're the chosen one who has to beat up a lot of monsters before they take over the world in 10 years.
Gracias.

Buzz Buzz joins me. There are no enemies as we go down the hill, but just before we get home, the shiny guy from Terminator 2 arrives to kill us.
You John Connor?
No...but I am Tawa.
Cool, even better.
T-1000 MODEL TERMINATOR WANTS TO FIGHT!
A fight ensues in which Buzz Buzz does most of the fighting and manipulates the Pounds per Square Inch (PSI) of the air to protect us from T-1000, also known as Starman Jr.
I then take Picky and Pokey home, where their father meets them.

Spoiler: POKEY'S DAD WAS THIS FAT (click to show/hide)

I'm really sorry that my kids troubled you so much... Both of you are really going to get it now!* *WHAM WHAM WHAM*

Afterward, Pokey's mom beats the crap out of Buzz Buzz, who then yaps on a little more about the prophecy and gives me a Sound Stone, telling me to record the Eight Melodies at my "sanctuaries".

Later, dawn came, and Mr. Monopoly fell out of the sky to take my picture.
Hello, little boy! Photographs taken instantaneously!
HOLY CRAP
Don't worry! Now, say "fuzzy pickles"!
Erm, yeah, fuzzy pickles. Seriously, are you OK?
Oh, it's just a broken rib! I'll be fine! On a completely unrelated note, Where's the Onett Hospital?
To... the... south...?

NEXT UP: Episode II, Attack of the Sharks!

[Bluerobin]

Oh neat. I'm just doing a playthrough myself right now. Also possibly making a romhack to tweak the balance of the game fairly considerably and make useless things useful. If you feel like pointing out things where you go "oh that's dumb" or "oh that's useless" it would be a huge help. It turns out that Earthbound is a game I love but have only ever played twice, so I don't know enough about exploits, weird game systems, and more esoteric parts of the game.

[Tawa]

Three times, here. Protractors and Rulers do absolutely nothing, off the top of my head.

[Lyeos]

I am posting in this thread so you will not forget, now.

[Neonivek]

I am surprised you didn't include any rules against some of the other ways you can just entirely break the game over your knee.

[Tawa]

I'm putting this on hiatus until I finish my other SNES RPG LP.

That's a lot of acronyms.

[Itnetlolor]

Better title for Episode 2: Shark Week.