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Author Topic: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out  (Read 4776 times)

Roostre

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2014, 10:26:42 pm »

The best fortress fall I can remember came when I breached the caverns for the first time. One moment I'm admiring the newly-exposed fungal trees, and the next moment I notice some blind cave ogres are in my fort's unguarded halls, chasing down my civilians. I hadn't set up a military yet. After a few deaths and lots of injuries, I finally got all three of the cave ogres trapped in some cages and put them away.

Human merchants came along a while later and I decided to barter them the cave ogres. But when a dwarf is told to haul a container (such as a cage) to the trade depot, he'll sift through the contents and throw out anything that can't be traded (such as a wild cave ogre).

So, yeah... the ogres were loose again.

While this defeat was entirely my fault, the best part was still quite random. Somewhere in the spiral of death, a miner went beserk. At last, someone armed with a sharp metal tool had become brave enough to stand up to the blind cave ogre menace! Surely he'd kill every dwarf in his way, but he was strong and armed and my fort's denizens would have their revenge on the ogres once my beserk miner set eyes on them!

...No, wait, he's ignoring them. He's not even hitting any dwarves. Wait, he's running toward the fort entrance. Now he's headed toward the depot. Oh, I see now. He wanted to kill one of the human merchants. Sure, okay.

The four caravan guards reacted sensibly enough to a dwarf sinking his mining pick into a merchant's brain-- by putting down the madman and then rushing into the fortress, crossbows blazing. A glorious bloodbath ensued! Glorious for the humans, at least. They were nice enough to kill the cave ogres before conquering my fort, so that was neighborly of them.
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tuypo1

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #31 on: June 30, 2014, 06:19:57 am »

probably the demise of the first decent fort i ever had and by decent i mean i had some idea what i was doing and had things going although with the amount of time its being since i last played i only started again a few weeks ago it will take me a while to get that sort of thing going again anyway im going of track the fort was mostly on 1 half way up the mountain with the beginnings of an extension on grand level anyway a goblin ambush got in and killed everybody however the sleeping arangments in the fort was dorms to the left for everybody except the leader who got a room up the back with adjacent rooms for there other requirements so everybody got killed the last surviver was the mayor who proceded to get chassed in circles by goblins for about half a year
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tuypo1

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #32 on: June 30, 2014, 06:26:56 am »

probably the demise of the first decent fort i ever had and by decent i mean i had some idea what i was doing and had things going although with the amount of time its being since i last played i only started again a few weeks ago it will take me a while to get that sort of thing going again anyway im going of track the fort was mostly on 1 half way up the mountain with the beginnings of an extension on grand level anyway a goblin ambush got in and killed everybody however the sleeping arangments in the fort was dorms to the left for everybody except the leader who got a room up the back with adjacent rooms for there other requirements so everybody got killed the last surviver was the mayor who proceded to get chassed in circles by goblins for about half a year

although a major reason for the fall may have being due to not being experienced with caverns and failing to realised how easily they can colapse causeing me to lose all my miners and be forced to train new ones so somewhere something dident get done prehapes
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i2amroy

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #33 on: June 30, 2014, 01:48:58 pm »

So I set up a goblin grinder in my entranceway between the Trade Depot and my actual fortress (for those who are unaware a goblin grinder involves two pressure-triggered hatch covers making enemies run back and forth over the traps inside). The problem was that before I could actually install any traps a group of two-humped camels wandered in and became stuck. "No problem! Send the Militia!"... Cue entire militia being slaughtered. About this point a group of human traders arrive, but their vision of the camels is blocked by the doors I installed. "Hmmm", I think, "if I could just get one dwarf through to the other side the trader guards should get rid of them!". What followed was a mass attempted exodus of the entire fortress, followed promptly by a mass slaughter as the group of 5-6 camels slaughtered all remaining 60 members of my fort, dying with their salvation right on the other side of the door. :P
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TheFlame52

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #34 on: June 30, 2014, 02:13:57 pm »

I modded creature extracts to be edible when cooked. There was an FB with swelling -> necrotic poison spit. It got 4 units of spit stuck in some cave fish men. My imps collected it and put it in the food stockpile. Then a cook cooked it into a meal. There were no survivors.

ColonelTEE3

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #35 on: June 30, 2014, 08:27:37 pm »

This was a couple years ago but the best way my fort died was also the most hilarious

My all-legendary all-star team of seven champions brought down a giant bug that bled some kind of corrosive solution or acid. Having been in melee, they were covered in it and dragged it back up from the depths of the mountains to the city, leaving puddles of acid around.

It took me almost a year to understand why here and there my citizens were spontaneously bleeding to death start to finish in seconds. It turned out they would occasionally find one of these puddles, step in it, melt all of the skin off their feet and their blood would rush out from underneath like they were little cups that had lost their bottoms.

By the time i realized what had happened it had spread all over the fort, finished off my champions and left my fort virtually defenseless. Shortly after that another forgotten beast came up and ripped apart a couple hundred of them. Good times
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tuypo1

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #36 on: June 30, 2014, 08:34:12 pm »

This was a couple years ago but the best way my fort died was also the most hilarious

My all-legendary all-star team of seven champions brought down a giant bug that bled some kind of corrosive solution or acid. Having been in melee, they were covered in it and dragged it back up from the depths of the mountains to the city, leaving puddles of acid around.

It took me almost a year to understand why here and there my citizens were spontaneously bleeding to death start to finish in seconds. It turned out they would occasionally find one of these puddles, step in it, melt all of the skin off their feet and their blood would rush out from underneath like they were little cups that had lost their bottoms.

By the time i realized what had happened it had spread all over the fort, finished off my champions and left my fort virtually defenseless. Shortly after that another forgotten beast came up and ripped apart a couple hundred of them. Good times

that makes me think I should try and put waterfalls over my cavern entrances
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Agent_Irons

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #37 on: July 01, 2014, 12:52:37 pm »

Got to introduce dwarven footbaths in my own fort. I never do and it's always a bad idea.
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KingBacon

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #38 on: July 01, 2014, 06:58:20 pm »

So I was reading a story and I remembered something that happened back when I used tilesets. A forgotten beast, a pelican to be exact, flew into a cavern and started fighting some native antmen. There was this one bugger who started wrestling the monster and soon became legendary in wrestling and shield used. I had a few score of candy outfitted dorfs who were well trained, so I sent them to kill the ant persons. That wrestler managed to grab 4 shields and bashed/exhausted all my soldiers to death. Commoners came for corpses and only added to the crises. I really didn't understand combat mechanics and their bugginess and decided to draft the whole fort... it was bad.
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deek0146

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Re: What are the funniest ways that your fortress has died out
« Reply #39 on: July 02, 2014, 07:34:31 am »

Back in 40d (I think), when you commonly got magma chutes rising to the surface, or almost to the surface.

I made a goldeneye inspired fort (the film, where a lake is drained to reveal an underground base). I had a 2 z level deep lake which I could fill or drain by pressing a switch to reveal the entrance to my fort. Everything was fine, until I decided to try and replace the water with a magma lake instead. I was simultaenously building a pump stack to the top of my fort, while replacing the trap doors and stuff at the top of the fort with magma proof onces. I can't remember what exactly I did next, but what happened was a sprung a magma leak at the bottom of my fort and water starting pouring in the top of the fort, at the same time. The miners died instantly to the magma (it was flowing pretty fast) so there was no way.

The last guy alive was a member of the sheriff's guard or whatever they were called, stuck in a corridor, with 7/7 magma behind a door at one end, and water pouring in the other end. He chose obsidian.
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