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[JEFE De El Heffers]

I want to hear the funniest ways. of loosing.
The funniest one for me, is when I got frustrated because my favorite dwarf was killed by another dwarf, so I locked up all the citizens in my fortress, and watched them starve to death. By the time there was only 5 dwarves left, one of them went crazy and killed the rest. He died of injury shortly after.

[Duuvian]

A fireman crawled out of the nearby volcano and I ordered my starting seven to form a few wrestling squads when it began chasing the animals I took on embark planning.

One by one the dwarves would run up to wrestle the fireman and be burned to death. After seeing a few of their fellow dwarves be burned to death in this way, the remaining dwarves managed to temporarily break my control over them by tantruming when ordered to wrestle the fire man. Eventually they all died but not after prolonging their lives a surprising amount.

I thought it was very funny to see the dwarves do what they could to deny my compulsions.

[BoogieMan]

I once embarked next to a lovely stream. When the game started, the wagon was right next to it. Moments later, screams, ripping, blood and limbs flying everywhere.. A bunch of gators were literally right there.

[Tawa]

Once, everybody in the fort died of thirst the year I had forgotten to start a booze industry. The last person alive was a kid who died tantruming in the bookeeper's office.

That was particularly morbid, sure, but most of my forts end up abandoned or forgotten in favor of starting new ones.

[neblime]

First time I tried a reanimating biome, I brought one somewhat skilled hammerdwarf and set of copper armor with me, set up a wooden wall to keep the zombie reindeer or whatever away, things seemed to be going well.  Then I thought, foolishly, I should butcher my wagon yaks for food.  I kid you not Zombie Yak hair got into the hammerdwarf's room and killed him in his sleep, then he came back and well, the rest is !FUN!

[Zaerosz]

Well, I used the tubefill command in DFHack to fill in the adamantine tubes on my site, so I wouldn't accidentally crack open HFS.

First tile I mined of the stuff summoned the HFS in full force. My fort dropped from 120 citizens to 12 in five minutes. One of my only survivors is a walled-in vampire (another is a baby who is on fire, but not being damaged).

On a related note, does anyone know if HFS webs can be collected and woven?

[MDFification]

On a related note, does anyone know if HFS webs can be collected and woven?

They can, and they have miraculous properties. Only the inability of clothing to cover the fingers and toes stops you from creating fire (maybe even magma?) safe spacesuits and giving them to your civilians.

[ImagoDeo]

Socks don't cover toes? Gloves don't cover fingers?

What sorcery is this?

[Blastbeard]

Socks don't cover toes? Gloves don't cover fingers?

What sorcery is this?

Fingerless Gloves. Dwarves just take it a step further with Toeless Socks.
I have pressed the hidden vital point 'Tropes'. Your thread is already dead.

The hands down best way a fortress has gone out under my command was the culmination of the 'Cathattan Project'. Rubydeeps had a significant cat problem, you see. They were adopting owners faster than I could euthanize them, and I didn't have the resources to compensate for the unhappy thoughts losing pets produces. So I took to putting them in cages. Rather, one cage. a dozen cats turns to two dozen, two dozen turned to fifty, so on and so forth. Clever buggers kept reproducing faster than I could cage them.
By the end, I had over a hundred cats in a single cage. Then some idiot hauler let a captured bronze colossus out its cage, which promptly begins to rampage towards the cat containment zone. I realize what the lag that comes from destroying that cage will do, and respond appropriately as the monster rends the fabric of space and time in a 5x5 radius asunder with a single smash.

[Eric Blank]

I forgot to wall around one pond during summer. Come winter, a goblin siege arrives, walks right in, and murderizes the entire population. The fortress was saved only by my pet dragons, who also helped murderize the dwarves with fire. The only survivors were a melancholy laborer, my vampire mayor, and a little kid.

[penguinofhonor]

I've had a wagon start floating in the air above a huge river fork. All the dwarves drowned very shortly after embark. So did the reclaim dwarves.

I also tried to play a hermit fort once before you could change the number of starting dwarves. I killed six of the seven dwarves and the seventh went crazy after like a week.

[KingBacon]

There is the time I lost 5 forts in a row to zombie elk...

But my favorite loss happened after two years of playing. Hubris is an amazing thing. I created a fort near the magma sea, well the start of one and I wanted to create an ore shaft to make furnace room so I started digging up. I passed the third cavern layer with no problem and dug up into an underground lake. Everything useful was lost, picks, wood, food, booze... Digger Mortis on a frozen tundra without access to food, stone, wood...
I thought it was funny because I hadn't had a flooding accident in such a long time.

[Baffler]

My funniest loss, I think,was when I decided I was going to storm the HFS. I had a whole defense plan set up, based around a hanging box for marksdwarves to shoot from over a floor covered in rapidly retracting and extending menacing spikes. I had almost 60 highly trained melee dwarves to meet the weakened demons after that, with a long shaft extending up to the fortress with a huge block ready to drop down it, in case all of that failed.

The miner pierced the vein and demons started to spill out. He was torn to shreds in minutes as the horde surged up the stairwell and into the killing field. The marksdwarves opened fire, and the spikes took their toll, but it wasn't enough to stop the demon's onslaught. Only 12 of the 60 or so that arrived were killed, the rest were just annoyed. They met the melee dwarves after that, and the fight raged on and on, with heavy casualties on both sides but moving much more slowly than I was used to.

Then I saw the message: "A vile force of darkness has arrived!" and saw that three squads of goblin spearmen and some trolls had rushed in through the gate, which I'd forgotten to close behind the last caravan. Now I was stuck, with all of my military committed to the battle against the demons, only the fortress guard was available to fight the gobbos off. I use a fully functional justice system, so the Guard's wooden truncheons (modded in) were... ineffective. All I could do was watch as the goblins cut down my civilians and battered down their doors while the demons, still at a stalemate with my army, continued to press forward. Desperately, I tried to disengage the marksdwarves by taking their squad off-duty, but it was no use. They ran from the demons like I expected, but they were nearly out of ammo, and after they got what few shots they had left in they were just as doomed as the Guard.

The goblins eventually moved down to where the last of my military was still fighting the demons, and caught them from both sides. They were starting to get tired, and didn't last long against the still mostly fresh goblins. RIP my fort, all because I forgot to shut the front door.

[Magnumcannon]

Forgot to lock the doors, then a grizzly bear entered my fortress and killed everyone! After that, i managed to lock him...inside the food stockpile, so everyone starved to death.

THE END

[Samario]

Technically not dying out, but the same end purpose.
My dwarves are stuck in an eternity of never being able to move, as I can't figure out how to unpause the game.