soo, something interesting happened today. Like, an entire part of my worldview is going through a paragima shift level of interesting
first of all, good news, date went exceedingly well. Though I note, most of the time I felt a bit sabotaged
. We went for a walk in berlins famous botanic garden (incredibly scenic, I can only recommend it), so after a while we sat down on a bench beneath this amazing willow, atmosphere is good. As I try to muster up my courage and drive the situation to a kiss, a fox shows up. Needless to say, she being a furry, this completely caught her attention, and to make things worse, he was used so much to humans that offering him food make him come, and actually accept a few pettings before making off with it. An unforgettable moment for sure, makes for a nice story, but damnit, couldn't it have waited for a bit? I mean jesus christ nature, not cool. So we go on walking, and it starts to rain, a drizzle at first so no problem, but soon turns into a hardcore downpour, so we take shelter under a gazebo by a lake, swans and rainbows and shit (actually very sunny day), very scenic romantic scene, perfect for my endeavours, if not for this old lady who also took shelter there - who decided that since we all were trapped, joining our conversation was totaly fine. Hurrah. God damnit mankind, not cool.
So we leave the park, get something nice to eat, and deciding that this date will end soon, but still no opportunity for a kiss presenting itself, I at least sought to gain confirmation of mutuality by laying my arm around her, all very nice, not a single hint of objection, all in all good to both gain courage from and also make my arm maximum tired (turns out it's not that easy to do after working an 9 hour shift starting at 5 am, mostly carrying heavy stuff). So we take the trains to get home, and my brain runs 200mph trying to figure out how to actually get a kiss. I dunno why I was exactly that fixated on that, and while I rationalize it by "if this works out fine with no sign of objection, mutuality is confirmed, and I can finaly get out of this horrible "relationship or not" limbo", but being entirely honest no, it was just a very heartfelt desire. Almost a physical need. So after missing my actual stop 4 times, I now really need to get out the train, so when she went for a hug, I just went "oh no you dont" (imagine that, I actually said that out loud. I shall possibly cringe at myself later, after I stop grinning like an idiot) and kissed her.
And here is where the worldview changing stuff starts. You see, this was a really short kiss. Not just an awkward peck on the lips (while clumsy regardless), but not actually long at all, not even 2 seconds, and in an utterly unromantic manner that pales entirely in front of the chances previously had today. But it was entirely magical. It's been a full hour now and there is still a stupid grin fixated on my face that I fear my require surgery, and my heart is beating at a pace that I was not even aware was possibly without physical excercise. Any and all previous kisses in my life do not even begin to compare, and I'd make them all unhappen just to get a second awkward goodbye kiss like that (yes, the propsect that there will soon be many more does have me excited).
And the point is, I think I know exactly why this was different from my previous relationships. My previous relationships started online, and I think I may have mistaken the feeling of attraction and desire of those times for love. There was no such things as getting to know eachother on a date, nor anything at all like a date, by the time we actually met, we were, like horny teenagers do, mostly focused on one thing. Looking back now, I am suddenly taken back by the fact that no, they were more or less fuck buddies, not actual lovers. Sure, we were very close, and if I had not met them online, to fall into a weird kind of love-simulation with them I probably would have actually fallen in love with them, but I did not. I only thought I did. My first "kiss" was more tounge than lips, and soon after led to the bed. This was nice and all, but the entire relationships to my last two "girlfriends" compressed together can not compare to the sheer magicalness of that short moment. So yeah, the first stuff does not actually count. This was my first real kiss, from my first real girlfriend (or so I assume. I mean, how long do you have to wait until you can claim relationship status?).
And here I am, who thought that I had love all figured out, looking at couples with scorn, not understanding what all the fuzz is about. Turns out I was actually wrong all along. Well shit. This kinda stuff may actually change me as a person. I actually feel ashamed now that indeed, my initial goal of even speaking to her in the first place was getting laid. Despite that, I am very much looking forward to actually getting laid. This gun be good.
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Topic: Rise of the Magic Girls v3 OOC: Stealing combat systems from an eroge (Read 528675 times)