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[IronyOwl]

I return with more awful!

Alien Domicile is bad and mostly boring. By the title font I assume they're attempting to insinuate being part of the Aliens franchise, but otherwise I have no idea why it's called that. I have no idea why anything in that movie happened. It's mostly about morons running from and/or towards aliens with no particular plan. I knew I'd made a mistake when I realized it was tagged Scifi but not Action.

Humanity's End is terrible but in a hilarious way. The setup: Humans are a dying breed, although... we don't have a lot of makeup money, so when I say humans I mean everyone looks human but they're not trust me on this. Anyway the last human male in the galaxy has to escort (and breed) a "Class A Breeder" to Mars because some other huma- I mean, aliens murdered all the- well technically they're humans genetically modified with alien DNA and also they're Nazis plus the aliens evolved on Earth but humans exterminated them with nuclear fire. ANYWAY the point is they murdered all the human-humans and allied with all the various genetically modified not-quite-humans.

Anyway the movie is an absolute train wreck of CGI explosions poorly overlaid on the foes of a guy from the trashier parts of Vegas and his harem. No really, early in the movie he mentions wanting to put leopard print on his spaceship. By the end of the movie you realize just how apt that would be.

Oh and the movie starts with several minutes of "I'm not saying it was aliens, but..." tier exposition regarding the timeline of events leading up to the movie, so you know pretty quick what you're getting yourself into. Definitely has my recommendation!

Shakma is a much more modest affair about nerds getting wrecked by a rabid baboon in their own research facility at night. None of them deserve to live. This movie's human performance peaks at rudimentary tool use. Not mastery, by the way. Thinking to pick up an object of some sort to utilize in some manner to their benefit. I am also thoroughly disappointed by the door-opening capabilities of every primate involved. The movie's only real claim to fame- other than featuring a live baboon, near as I can tell- is how utterly fucking nerdy the premise is: The nerds get caught off guard playing some kind of adventure game IRL, wandering through the facility collecting clues and radioing in to tell the Dungeon Master when they're spending their keys and so on. That aspect is pretty giggle-worthy, and it might have been a good movie if they'd used that kind of shameless creativity on the actual goings-on of the film.

In non-Cats news: I'm going home to watch my favorite movie about a family sitting down together for dinner while a visitor is in their ventilation to see the good girls and boys (later there will be a virgin birth). Alien.

I much prefer the sequel - a film about black mother being a victim of racist violence.

Let's not talk about the third one, a sobering look at prison violence and lax safety procedures.

[Iduno]

In non-Cats news: I'm going home to watch my favorite movie about a family sitting down together for dinner while a visitor is in their ventilation to see the good girls and boys (later there will be a virgin birth). Alien.

I much prefer the sequel - a film about black mother being a victim of racist violence.

Let's not talk about the third one, a sobering look at prison violence and lax safety procedures.

I assume that's why they quit making them then, and never considered making more.

[Kagus]

I was recently introduced to the cinematic... Uh, creation that is Volcano High.

I just... What?

[Reelya]

I return with more awful!

Alien Domicile

The director seems like a deliberate hack. There are a few of them around, such as Asylum Films, who deliberately take big franchise releases then make what appear superficially to be low budget rip-offs but are actually completely different movies. (example: the "Transmorphers" series).

The Alien Domicile director also has a sci-fi movie called "Territory 8", so a rip-off of "District 9" concept I guess.

Next year, he has a movie coming out called "Abigail haunting". I'm guessing the name is a rip-off of that "The Taking of Deborah Logan" thing.

[King Zultan]

Transmorphers is one of the worse Asylum Films I've seen, with every robot looking the same, and everybody acting like its been the apocalypse for a long time even thought the robots just started to invade, it was so bad that we never watched the second one even though my family likes crap movies, but its like next level crap.

[Iduno]

Weird movie based on a very weird musical not popular, Hollywood surprised.

[Reelya]

Transmorphers is one of the worse Asylum Films I've seen, with every robot looking the same, and everybody acting like its been the apocalypse for a long time even thought the robots just started to invade, it was so bad that we never watched the second one even though my family likes crap movies, but its like next level crap.

The first actual Transmorphers movie is set 300 years after the robot invasion, so in that one it has been the apocalypse for a pretty long time. Is that the one you saw or did you see the prequel that came out a few years later?

[King Zultan]

Transmorphers is one of the worse Asylum Films I've seen, with every robot looking the same, and everybody acting like its been the apocalypse for a long time even thought the robots just started to invade, it was so bad that we never watched the second one even though my family likes crap movies, but its like next level crap.

The first actual Transmorphers movie is set 300 years after the robot invasion, so in that one it has been the apocalypse for a pretty long time. Is that the one you saw or did you see the prequel that came out a few years later?

I'm not sure which one I watched we got it from a video rental place and I didn't pay attention to its name, I'm thinking it might be the prequel one because there weren't any robots when it started.

[IronyOwl]

Weird movie based on a very weird musical not popular, Hollywood surprised.

It's really impressive how far they got without realizing they'd made a mistake. AFAIK the backlash was instant and tidal upon release to any sort of general public, which speaks to the sorts of vaulted echo chambers this thing must have passed through during the entirety of its creation.


Speaking of mainstream media, Rambo: Last Blood felt petty and unpleasant. It follows the modern action movie trend towards really petty modern day villains being tortured to death with excessively detailed special effects, none of which I'm fond of. It also features a weird monologue at the end about fighting to protect the only home he's ever known, which is kind of a weird thing to say after butchering a Mexican sex cartel.

I dunno man.


Seedpeople was more my speed. It's terrible but features hideously absurd pod-monsters that like to turn into coconuts to roll after their prey. As required by law and custom, everyone is a moron who makes things way harder than they need to be. Good for a laugh.

[Eschar]

I watched the, ah, "Dark Tower movie."

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

Truly, those who made this movie have forgotten the faces of their fathers.

[Cthulhu]

The most bizarre thing about Cats is the update they pushed out.  Sending out a revised version of a movie that's currently in theaters is already unheard-of, but doing it for a movie that's already a massive flop is completely insane, setting cash on fire insane.  Whoever is making the decisions for Cats has his head so far up his ass his lunch is doing the thinking.

[itisnotlogical]

Collosal entertainment failures really have an "it's the journey, not the destination" thing about them. I don't care enough about Cats to ever watch it unless somebody else is paying, but man am I gladdened for what a funny story it's made.

Edit: Just kidding, it's still playing so I want to see it tomorrow. I hope my theater still has the unfinished cut.

[Cthulhu]

I live in walking distance of a tiny two-screen theater which for the longest time was second run.  I'm praying they're still bumpkin enough to have the old version.

[Qassius]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa5kPuDtosQ&t=830s

Bad Black is an endearing movie that has less Kung-Fu moves than their first popular movie, Who Killed Captain Alex. Definitely interesting to see more of Wakaliwood's films that are pushed out to Western Audiences, but sensible given the fact they get a bunch of money from their Patreon.

That being said, I did enjoy it. Even if its not the best movie per se. It has a lot of characters and the plot development is pretty off-balance, and it's not exactly the best writing. But hey, it's free and from Uganda, what can you expect?

[Iduno]

Collosal entertainment failures really have an "it's the journey, not the destination" thing about them. I don't care enough about Cats to ever watch it unless somebody else is paying, but man am I gladdened for what a funny story it's made.

Edit: Just kidding, it's still playing so I want to see it tomorrow. I hope my theater still has the unfinished cut.

I mean, Star War and Cats both sound terrible in their own ways, but Cats is the one that's meant to be too weird, and it's the one losing money. At least you could get absinthe drunk and enjoy Cats.