Bleah who has time for that,spit on the fire and put it out.
[20]You unleash a flood of saliva on yourself, putting the fire out but making
everyone, including the demons, run away from you in disgust.
Wait. I'm a mage. Cast feather fall.
[3]You botch the magical gestures, mostly due to the fact that gravity feels to be in a strange direction. A whale and a flower pot appear and fall beside you.
After hearing about the demon attacks, scrawl a pentagram in my own blood to negotiate a fixed-lease contract on my soul in exchange for a better body.
[8]"
That can be arranged, but why wouldn't I just take your soul directly?"
"This could be so much easier, Mr. Agent, if you would simply cooperate."
Get my aluminum baseball bat. Continue the interrogation.
[6]You get your bat, but you can't swing it very well due to not being able to stand straight.
Strangle mirror me.
As you extend your hands, so does he, your hands bump in to each other in the middle.
Well... Perhaps someone would tell me why I was captured after all. At least I hope so.
[20]As you enter the room and sit down on a chair, the lights come on and sitting across you behind a desk is...
YOU. "Ah, my men have found you. This will be fun." What the carp is going on here?
Take a long, hard shit. Think about things.
[12]You feel a sudden enlightenment! Throwing a pie into a demon's face exorcises it, Holy Ghost and all that! It's so obvious, why didn't you realize this before?
It's the elves! They're attacking! I must defend Eagleland! Get the sword I use for LARPing and slay some demons elves!
[11]You run out and stab a demon right in the heart. He stares at you in horror as he turns to ash. The rest of the demons near you take flight, outside your sword's range.