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[blazing glory]

Official Seal of Knockoffs- Immediately turns any object it's stuck on into a crappy bootleg version that breaks easily.

Just stick it on the evil villein's evil weapon of doom.

[Trapezohedron]

Wing Plates - Plate Armor for the wings of winged creatures. Obviously removes the ability to fly and severely encumbers those particular body parts, unless you decided to make it out of weak aluminum.

Dimensional Sword - Can cut objects in three dimensions. Does not interact with the fourth.

Grenade Luncher - Eats grenades for breakfast lunch. Causes them to explode inside, and may cause severe damage to the device and will cause severe damage to its user within the blast radius of the grenade being "lunched".

[hops]

Blue Waffle - An ordinary waffle that is blue-coloured. It causes any healers and oracles to vomit uncontrollably when they see it. Can be eaten and digested like other normal waffles.

Lemon Party invitation card - An invitation postcard that says that the receiver is invited to the Lemon Party. Cause politicians and wizards to vomit uncontrollably if they see it.

[hops]

Cursed Sun Hat of Musical Sequence - A sun hat that initiates a musical sequence during dramatic moments around the wearer. Everyone around will join in as if it was normal and will take it for stride until the musical ends.

Ring of +10 Underwater Basket Weaving

Huge Manatee - A giant flying manatee that make the observers hyperventilate and exclaim "Oh, the Humanity!"

[Empiricist]

Portable Library of Babylon -An enchanted pendant that contains every single piece of information, every true prophecy and every secret... Along with every single lie, every false prophecy and every mass of meaningless gibberish possible. With no means to determine whether any given extract is true or not.

Ring of Time Stop - A ring that when activated, stops all time for everything. Consequently as this includes the user, it may never be turned off, dooming the world to be frozen forever.

Boots of Acceleration - Accelerates the user at high speeds, allowing them to evade any attack. Due to the massive G-forces involved, is has a 100% user fatality rate.

Robes of Gradual Teleportation - When activated, teleports the user to any desired location. At a rate of one atom per picosecond.

[hops]

Robes of Gradual Teleportation - When activated, teleports the user to any desired location. At a rate of one atom per picosecond.

Ouch D:

[Empiricist]

Potion of Direwasp Breath - Allows the user to breath demonic wasps at will. As in, literally inhale them instead of air in order to gain oxygen. Does not actually protect against the wasps.

Sword of Autodefense - A sword that will automatically make its user intercept any threat with a perfectly aimed sword slash. This includes UV rays and microbes as well as spells that probably shouldn't be slashed.

Erdős' Ring of Death Prevention - A ring that may only be worn by a mathematician. Prevents them from ever leaving the field of maths whilst they still wear it.

Defensive Scroll of Summoning MAIDS - This scroll may only be read whilst defending a settlement. Upon activation, the settlement is falls under the effect of Macroscopic Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome, resulting in the deaths of all defensive military personnel. This effect will persist, killing anyone the moment they become a defensive military unit.

[JackOSpades]

 One Ring of Lag: once worn by Slowron the Great this magical Ring randomly reduces the wearers movement speed and initiative by 99% it's description reads: one ring to bring them all and in molasses bind them.

 Mantle of Importance: this cape makes the wearer extremely Important but only to themselves.

 Boots of Groundwalking these boots allow the wearer to walk across dirt or stone as though it were a solid surface.

 Amulet of Omnipresence the amulet cause the wearer to suddenly be everywhere all at once, it does not however increase their overall mass making the process rather violent.

 Staff of Infection: all open wounds inflicted by this weapon fester and rot, it deals blunt damage.

 Coin of Commemorization this gold coin has no monetary value to anyone and cannot be melted down it exists merely reminds the holder of the significance of whatever event caused them to gain possession of the coin.

[Noel.se]

Ring of supreme time travelling - When activated, transports the user 5000 years in the future or in the past. does not change your position in space, so you will end up in the void because the galaxy traveled away.

Block of cheese - Upon command, this block assumes the shape of a small dragonwrought kobold made of cheese.

[Ozarck]

Eldrich Portal of Call Waiting Be put on hold by the Timeless Abominations.

[The Froggy Ninja]

You know all these items that just make more of themselves could be very useful. Crushing people with wands/decks of cards would be pretty awesome.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

+10 Sword of Weight:Multiplies the user's weight by ten.

[Tawa]

+1 Glass of Milk: This is a glass of milk. Except it gets a +1 on attack rolls. It still breaks on impact.

[Arcvasti]

Neckless Necklace

A necklace that cannot be worn on a neck.

[IcyTea31]

Remember, the items don't have to be useless if they're silly enough otherwise.

Knoife: A knife that always appears to be the largest weapon in sight. Grants a bonus to intimidation if a witty comment is spoken while unsheathing the blade.

Wand of Lawsuit: When pointed at a target and the incantation "Avada Kedavra" is spoken, the caster, the target and every major character in the story, including the PC's, are summoned into a court of law and tried for copyright infringement.