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Author Topic: Bizarre Magical Items  (Read 85953 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #150 on: May 27, 2014, 11:32:45 am »

Box of Atmosphere Detection: tries to sound an alarm if engulfed in a vacuum.

Shovel of Paddling: this magical shovel functions exactly like a Canoe Paddle +3. And it can also be used for digging.

Wing of Flight: would allow you to fly if you had the other one.
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JackOSpades

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #151 on: May 27, 2014, 02:58:13 pm »


 Axe of Kindness: this axe prevents the wielder from preforming any unkind actions such as but not limited to hitting them with an axe.

 Amulet of Reversal this amulet magically reverses all magical effects on the wearer including it's own.

 Discus of Division this sharpened throwing disc constantly reduces the distance between itself and it's target by exactly 1/2 the remaining distance allowing it to eternally approach but never actually reach what it is thrown at.

Ozarck

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #152 on: May 27, 2014, 04:47:30 pm »

Codpiece of Summon Epileptic Zombies. Enables the wearer to call all epileptic zombies to his or her current location through hipthrusts. All epileptic zombies within range will make every reasonable attempt to arrive at the wearer's location.

((I reserve all rights to this particular artifact, because holy shit.))

Tawa

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #153 on: May 27, 2014, 05:08:28 pm »

call all epileptic zombies to his or her current location through hipthrusts

I am so sigging this decontextified snippet.
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Ozarck

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #154 on: May 27, 2014, 05:14:26 pm »

Please do. The people need to know. The tale must be told.

ICBM pilot

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #155 on: May 28, 2014, 03:15:30 am »

Discus of Division this sharpened throwing disc constantly reduces the distance between itself and it's target by exactly 1/2 the remaining distance allowing it to eternally approach but never actually reach what it is thrown at.
So it has infinite range?
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On the plus side, they managed to kill off 20+ children

Lyeos

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #156 on: May 28, 2014, 03:19:59 am »

Discus of Division this sharpened throwing disc constantly reduces the distance between itself and it's target by exactly 1/2 the remaining distance allowing it to eternally approach but never actually reach what it is thrown at.
So it has infinite range?
Has slightly less range than you need. All you have to do is aim behind what you need to hit. :3
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Take a closer look at this text!

Redzephyr01

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #157 on: May 29, 2014, 07:55:02 pm »

Potion of X-ray Vision: When drunk, this potion allows the drinker to see through absolutely everything. Because of this, whoever drinks it can see absolutely nothing, and is essentially blinded.
Ring of Swiftness: This ring moves very fast. Wearing it doesn't make you any faster, so its entirely pointless.
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Worldmaster27

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #158 on: May 29, 2014, 08:11:36 pm »

Amulet of Vipers: This special amulet has certain properties that all venomous serpents find irresistible, and are drawn to the amulet from all over the region. These snakes will stop at nothing to make sure the amulet is safe. Which means no dirty adventurers touching it!
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Ozarck

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #159 on: June 01, 2014, 04:12:50 pm »

Trinkets of Dancing Complete the set: they're adorable!
Monacle of sadness Not bifocal. This is a unique item.
Bucket of Summon Dirt Can be used once daily to summon a bucket-sized pile of loose dirt to the user's location.
Beard of Bees Mostly an interesting talking point. Great for parties. Must be fed a certain quantity of flowers daily.
Beard of Trees For the dwarf who loves elves, and the evil wizard in a tower who loves Ents.

Tawa

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #160 on: June 01, 2014, 05:24:54 pm »

Magic Cards of Gathering: Found in packets of the purest silver in the ruins of the ancient "Gaa'em Sto-aars", once one is picked up, the user gets an insatiable urge to collect more. See also: Pok'a-mo'n Cards
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #161 on: June 02, 2014, 01:49:18 am »

Official Seal of Quality: once used on an item, the Official Seal of Quality will make it appear to be of better quality in all respects than it should by all rights be. If used on low-quality products too often, begins to lose power.

Communique of Importance: this sealed and stamped letter, when raised above one's head while running, will cause any and all guards on the way to step aside to make way so that it may be delivered. When delivered to somebody, becomes permanently mundane.

Curtains of Infinite Moths: these curtains are magically enchanted to conjure infinite amounts of moths that fly in every direction when it is touched, disturbed or otherwise manipulated.

The Revolving Door: this door is known for its ability to trap an individual for up to three hours in its confounding mechanism, only to release them on the same side they entered from!

Cloak of Nesting: when worn, the magical pins on the sides of this sizable cloak allows a person to wear two more cloaks! Can stack if more Cloaks of Nesting are used with it. Warning - does not affect the volume or weight of cloaks worn.

Bread of Corruption: when tasted, this bread afflicts the wearer with the insatiable urge to make a sandwich out of it and the flesh of three innocents. Reputed to be quite tasty that way, though.
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Trapezohedron

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #162 on: June 02, 2014, 06:40:40 am »

Bat Curtain - A curtain of pitch black leather that, when touched, morphs into a swarm of bats flying in all directions. Inadvisable to use indoors within houses, just as much as the Curtain of Infinite Moths is inadvisable to use within proximity of a fire.

Sword of Vampirism - A large, thick leech stabbed with a sharp blade and magically maintained to live eternally. Be careful of the sword's "bonding" attempts.

Sword of TECHNIC - A sword of complex parts, which is adorned in multiple colors and functions based on whatever program was coded into its database. Its light weight and material composition is unsuitable for any form of practical combat.
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Ozarck

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #163 on: June 04, 2014, 08:09:44 am »

Communique of Importance: this sealed and stamped letter, when raised above one's head while running, will cause any and all guards on the way to step aside to make way so that it may be delivered. When delivered to somebody, becomes permanently mundane.

This has way too many adventure-centric uses. Courier duty, sneaking into a dungeon / keep / tower / castle, prison breaks, disrupting parades, making wedding proposals ...

Official Seal of Quantity Barks and claps it's flippers to indicate the amount of something balanced on it's nose.
Basket of WeavingGreat for college students! Does not work underwater.
Underwater Basket of Weaving Works underwater.
Horse of a different color Doesn't match anything. All attempts to accessorize have ended disastrously.

IamanElfCollaborator

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #164 on: June 04, 2014, 03:44:23 pm »

Official Seal of Knockoffs- Immediately turns any object it's stuck on into a crappy bootleg version that breaks easily.

Drinking Bird A bird that constantly drinks everything you own. Including useful potions. It also is immune to any attempt to kill it.
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