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Author Topic: Bizarre Magical Items  (Read 86846 times)

hops

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #90 on: May 24, 2014, 05:27:58 pm »

Deck of Many Cards: A deck of cards that when you pull out a card from it, the card magically transforms into a Deck of Many Cards

Wand of Delayed Death: A wand that makes the victim die at some point. Said point can take over hundred years depending on their race, and might be longer than the heat death of the universe.
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BlitzDungeoneer

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #91 on: May 24, 2014, 05:45:22 pm »

Amulet of Daredevils: when attempting a normal action, such as walking, you instead must attempt an over the top stunt.
Corrupted Wish Wand: Grants wishes, but corrupts them.
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JackOSpades

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #92 on: May 24, 2014, 06:30:22 pm »


 Ring of Realism cursed when ever a character wearing this ring takes damage the player controlling them is hit with a large blunt object in real life. this ring may be forcefully gifted to the character of a player who complains about how different the fantasy setting is from reality, particularly if it involves physics and/or magical interactions.

 Trap of Disarming when triggered this trap magically disarms Itself and nothing else, but when disarmed by something other than it's own effect it magically disarms everything else in a ten foot radius including other traps, doors, chests, as well as monsters and players by teleporting all weapons to the plane of lost items.

Harbingerjm

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #93 on: May 24, 2014, 06:47:51 pm »

Ring of Realism cursed when ever a character wearing this ring takes damage the player controlling them is hit with a large blunt object in real life. this ring may be forcefully gifted to the character of a player who complains about how different the fantasy setting is from reality, particularly if it involves physics and/or magical interactions.
Also, it appears to characters to be an ordinary unmagical ring, but if any attempt to use magic to identify it further despite that, they are generally driven insane as they learn the horrible truth about reality.
Sample mad ravings include:
"PUPPETS! PUPPETS TO MAD GODS!"
"THEY WATCH!"
"THE DICE! THE DICE!"
"Railgun... yes... grapple..."
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PTDfun

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #94 on: May 25, 2014, 02:22:00 am »

Orb of Rubber Bands A magical orb consisting of rubber bands. After all the rubber bands are removed, it ceases to exist.

Sandwich of Satisfaction A magical sandwich. Looking at or smelling the Sandwich of Satisfaction gives an insatiable desire to eat it. Consumption of the Sandwich of Satisfaction takes away all satisfaction, pleasure, and hope from the user for the rest of their existence (including any afterlife).

Porcelain Throne A throne made of porcelain. The seat reshapes itself to mold the buttocks of the user. There is hole in the middle of the seat, below which lies a portal to the plane of endless waste. While it seems unlikely that anyone would every consider using this throne as a replacement for an outhouse for the purpose of 'going #2', anyone who does such a thing is compelled to yell out "Behold! As a great mesopotamian warlord, I have lain waste from my porcelain throne!"

Stinky Cheese of Closeness A block of stinky cheese that smells worse the further you are from it.
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Wand of Not Touching - The target thinks they have been poked. Range of one cm.
I want one of these.

Empiricist

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #95 on: May 25, 2014, 02:24:07 am »

Wand of Delayed Death: A wand that makes the victim die at some point. Said point can take over hundred years depending on their race, and might be longer than the heat death of the universe.
Could be even worse if it acts as a geis, preventing the target from dying until that point :P
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hops

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #96 on: May 25, 2014, 05:12:28 am »

Sandwich of Satisfaction A magical sandwich. Looking at or smelling the Sandwich of Satisfaction gives an insatiable desire to eat it. Consumption of the Sandwich of Satisfaction takes away all satisfaction, pleasure, and hope from the user for the rest of their existence (including any afterlife).
Holy cursed item, Batman! D:
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~Neri

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #97 on: May 25, 2014, 05:30:11 am »

Sandwich of Satisfaction A magical sandwich. Looking at or smelling the Sandwich of Satisfaction gives an insatiable desire to eat it. Consumption of the Sandwich of Satisfaction takes away all satisfaction, pleasure, and hope from the user for the rest of their existence (including any afterlife).
Holy cursed item, Batman! D:
*is totally going to use that item in a campaign and require will saves*
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #98 on: May 25, 2014, 06:10:32 am »

Scroll of Sealing: when read in the presence of a powerful demon, this scroll immediately and permanently relocates the creature to the Quasi-Elemental Plane of Pinnipeds.

Dust of Snorting: when snorted, this dust proves to be without effect beyond making the user immediately addicted to snorting it and any other dust it may find.

Pasta of Infinity: as it slowly absorbs heat, this pasta grows exponentially in size. If heated rapidly, is merely burnt.

The Gray Goat: blessed with powers of spontaneous self-duplication as well as cursed with insatiable hunger for all that lives, this goat has been chosen by the gods to bring about the extinction of all life at an unclear future date. All harm visited upon it and its copies shall be avenged sevenfold (across generations, if need be) as a consequence.

Staff of Dancing: fills the wielder with the insatiable urge to practice their pole dancing.

Necklace of Displacement: when worn, makes your head switch places with an object of great value and comparable size. This remains the case after the necklace is removed, and the head retains consciousness and life as if it was never separated from the body. It can still move the body, but can only orient itself via touch.

Dog Ring: when worn, makes the limb it is worn on into a dog. Permanently.
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Tawa

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #99 on: May 25, 2014, 06:44:14 am »

Dwarven Sock: Wearer chases this item indefinitely if it is taken off.

Bite: This "sword" glows in the presence of Orcs, but only in unmodded Dwarf Fortress.

Knife (Kuh-niff-ee): When wielded by a knight (kuh-nigg-ut), this weapon gives the wielder a ridiculous French accent.

Tel-a-fon: This device was used in the ancient kingdoms to communicate. However, it is now useless due to the advent of tex-a-tang, in'stagraam, and vydyo'chaat. Darn kids.

Canon: This item looks like a long metal tube with a string coming out. Unfortunately, it is useless as a weapon, as it is always debating from within the tube in an annoying pseudo-Japanese accent about who did what, where and when they did it, and why, including constantly discussing love triangles, hexagons, and trapezoids in old tales.

Say Angry-All, Term of Angry-All, and Angry-all: These are a collection of rare items, including a crystal sword, little figurines of fat people, and medallions with Kevak's face on them, all intended to augment the Power. Nobody knows what power they were taking about, though, so these are useless.

Teddi-baar: This item gives a +5 bonus to fear damage checks against bad dreams.

Crassbow: This item is a powerful magic bow, but it is the exact opposite of fancy and may only be used by dwarven barbarians, who may only use it naked and are completely incapable of gaining proficiency with it.

The Holey Grail: This item is a golden cup. Any drink from it completely restores the user's power and grants immorality. However, it is full of holes and cannot be drunken from. Patching the holes turns out into a normal cup.

Goose-Marked Sword: This sword can cut through anything. Unfortunately, it can only be used by goose knights.

Two Ring: This powerful set of two rings can be used to warp reality itself. However, one of the rings was chucked in a volcano by a midget, rendering the other one useless.

Mast or Sword: Once wielded by a hero clothed in green, this is the Blade of Sailboats' Bane. It is useless against anything other than a boat.

Hi, Liam Shield: This mystical shield can be used to greet people named Liam from anywhere. As this is a fantasy world, nobody is named Liam and the shield is therefore useless.
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BlitzDungeoneer

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #100 on: May 25, 2014, 06:51:35 am »

Already figured out a way to drink from the Holey Grail.
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Tawa

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #101 on: May 25, 2014, 06:52:54 am »

Already figured out a way to drink from the Holey Grail.

How do you plan this?
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hops

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #102 on: May 25, 2014, 06:53:14 am »

Goose-Marked Sword: This sword can cut through anything. Unfortunately, it can only be used by goose knights.


We're fucked
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BlitzDungeoneer

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #103 on: May 25, 2014, 06:55:41 am »

Already figured out a way to drink from the Holey Grail.

How do you plan this?
Keep partially underwater, enough so that it fills through the holes, but not enough so that it fills through the top as well. Turn partially sideways and drink.
Or you know, drink the water flowing from the holes.
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Tawa

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Re: Silly/Useless Magical Items
« Reply #104 on: May 25, 2014, 07:06:36 am »

Already figured out a way to drink from the Holey Grail.

How do you plan this?
Keep partially underwater, enough so that it fills through the holes, but not enough so that it fills through the top as well. Turn partially sideways and drink.
Or you know, drink the water flowing from the holes.

Ahhh.

Well, drinking from the holes doesn't count, but your first method is invalid-- you're just drinking from the lake or puddle or ocean or whatnot, pretending to use the cup.
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