Dwarven Sock: Wearer chases this item indefinitely if it is taken off.
Bite: This "sword" glows in the presence of Orcs, but only in unmodded Dwarf Fortress.
Knife (Kuh-niff-ee): When wielded by a knight (kuh-nigg-ut), this weapon gives the wielder a ridiculous French accent.
Tel-a-fon: This device was used in the ancient kingdoms to communicate. However, it is now useless due to the advent of tex-a-tang, in'stagraam, and vydyo'chaat. Darn kids.
Canon: This item looks like a long metal tube with a string coming out. Unfortunately, it is useless as a weapon, as it is always debating from within the tube in an annoying pseudo-Japanese accent about who did what, where and when they did it, and why, including constantly discussing love triangles, hexagons, and trapezoids in old tales.
Say Angry-All, Term of Angry-All, and Angry-all: These are a collection of rare items, including a crystal sword, little figurines of fat people, and medallions with Kevak's face on them, all intended to augment the Power. Nobody knows what power they were taking about, though, so these are useless.
Teddi-baar: This item gives a +5 bonus to fear damage checks against bad dreams.
Crassbow: This item is a powerful magic bow, but it is the exact opposite of fancy and may only be used by dwarven barbarians, who may only use it naked and are completely incapable of gaining proficiency with it.
The Holey Grail: This item is a golden cup. Any drink from it completely restores the user's power and grants immorality. However, it is full of holes and cannot be drunken from. Patching the holes turns out into a normal cup.
Goose-Marked Sword: This sword can cut through anything. Unfortunately, it can only be used by goose knights.
Two Ring: This powerful set of two rings can be used to warp reality itself. However, one of the rings was chucked in a volcano by a midget, rendering the other one useless.
Mast or Sword: Once wielded by a hero clothed in green, this is the Blade of Sailboats' Bane. It is useless against anything other than a boat.
Hi, Liam Shield: This mystical shield can be used to greet people named Liam from anywhere. As this is a fantasy world, nobody is named Liam and the shield is therefore useless.