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[zehive]

Aha what's up

[Vector]

They're trying to protect her from you, because she is a minor. Your last paragraph is all about you, but their reasoning is all about her.

Protecting children is one of those things where they're going to override your own free will, whether you like it or not. The problem is that they see you as an adult, and they expect you to comport yourself like one and respect the authority of her parents. Like adults do, rather than teenagers looking for a rebellious buzz.

[Yoink]

Um... I have very little experience in such matters, but isn't one's romantic life generally something one doesn't share with their parents?

[zehive]

Hmmm

[weenog]

Part of being an adult is coping with disappointment.  You want to see her more than once a month, but sometimes her parents make it impossible.  Solution: Be a man and deal with seeing her once a month or less, or persuade her parents to see things your way and let you spend more time together.  You don't always get what you want... understand it, accept it, get used to it.  Sneaking around behind their backs is a child's response, and is absolutely not respectful for them.

[Trapezohedron]

Part of being an adult is coping with disappointment.  You want to see her more than once a month, but sometimes her parents make it impossible.  Solution: Be a man and deal with seeing her once a month or less, or persuade her parents to see things your way and let you spend more time together.  You don't always get what you want... understand it, accept it, get used to it.  Sneaking around behind their backs is a child's response, and is absolutely not respectful for them.

Agreed. It is entirely your choice if you want to sneak out, or you could, as weenog suggested, try to contact your GF and tell her that you want to talk to her parents and declare that you will take care of her, being in a serious relationship and all.

As much as you want to see her, note that she's still a minor and getting her involved in sneaking out not only makes it difficult for you, but also for her. Although I'm not really sure who wants to see each other that much between your parties.

[Caesar]

You said that she's almost eighteen. If you care about her, why not wait until she does turn eighteen. At the very least neither her nor your parents will be able to make a problem of you dating a minor anymore.

[zehive]

Eyup what's shakin

[nenjin]

You said that she's almost eighteen. If you care about her, why not wait until she does turn eighteen. At the very least neither her nor your parents will be able to make a problem of you dating a minor anymore.

^

Show her parents you ARE a man of respect. Rather than a 20 year old who is putting hormones before respect.

Because honestly, 17? She doesn't know what she really wants, and neither do you probably. For all either of you know, things will change in a year or two. She might hook up with a cuter, younger guy. You might meet an older than 17 woman. Point being is, acting with honor lasts long beyond the relationship that challenged it.

[LordBucket]

drop my mother a line letting her know that I'll be heading out for the night to hang out with my girlfriend

Why? What business is it of hers where you go?

giving her the respect of atleast knowing

...what?

Adults don't tell their parents when they're going to go visit their girlfriends. Telling her you're going to visit your girlfriend then letting her stop you is not "showing her respect." It's acting like a child who needs permission to leave the house.

my aunt pulls up to my car, and blocks it in from behind. Pinning it between her car and a fence.

Your family is crazy. Move out. Self-analyze regularly to ensure that you don't become one too. You've been given a bad example of how to be an adult.

I still respect my mother

and show her due respect

giving her the respect

I showed my mother respect

Why are you babbling about respecting your mother? You sound like a teenager whose been trained to keep himself on a leash. Grow the fuck up and live your own life.

I respect the authority of her parents

I have diligently respected it

due to respecting the authority

I think you're confusing respect with obedience.

I suggest you stop worrying about either of those and instead simply focus on honesty and courtesy. The people you're describing don't need your respect, and you obviously aren't benefitting from respecting them. I would have no respect for people who act the way you're describing.  But you can be polite to people who are nevertheless immature, psychotic idiots. Be courteous to your parents. That's sufficient.

I am nearly completely a sulf sufficient adult.

But Im an adult

and I am an adult

I think you're insisting a little too hard, here. If you're an adult, then start acting like one. Adults don't need permission or approval from their parents about where they go and what they do. Neither do they feel overly compelled to keep their parents informed of their every whereabouts.

It really isn't the right thing to do. I guess it also doesnt help that I feel sort of pressured by my girlfriend. She actually has a serious rebellious desires, and was the one pushing so hard to have it be we sneak out, because it'd be "really exciting". We had wanted to do this the night before, but it fell through because I had a frozen caliper. That same night she instead had some friends come over and hang out with her in her sunroom for a couple hours, since I wasnt coming. It was completely innocent, but it worries me and concerns me she'll continue on a rebellious streak and do things that could be far more dangerous than hanging out with some friends alone on her sunroom or spending time in the park with her boyfriend. It also concerns me it'll be a major strain in our relationship and she could leave me due to my lack of cohones. That last bit is irrational, but I think this would be a straining point in our relationship at the least. I know Im the adult here and I am responsible for making the right call, but it gets to be complex when you get into the details. In the end having a secure and stable, happy relationship with my girlfriend is more important than the respect I show to her parents, which leaves my major concern being that I'll get a criminal record for it.

Based on what you've said, I advise you to not let her run off with your heart. White knights with rebellious girls often meet with unhappy endings. It's entirely possible that once she's released from her cage her first instinct might be to run free, and not to suddenly become a responsible mild-mannered adult eager to settle down and be boring.

Once she's free of her parents, if you're the one trying to encourage her to be sensible, that might tend to cause her to perceive you as the authority figure she feels the need to rebel against.

Her mother is the one thats perfectly fine with everything, she has no qualms about me and her seeing each other and already she seems to assume that me and her sneak around and do the nasty.

That's a beneficial condition. Talk to her.

I dont want to have to do things like this behind her parents back, I'd really prefer not to.

You said her mother already assumes you do and is ok with it. I suggest taking her into the fold and making her your co-conspirator. Talk to her alone, explain the situation, ask for her help. Go ahead and full-on tell her the two of you want more alone time and ask for her help to arrange it. She might be willing, and even if she isn't you'd be indirectly cluing her in that you're far more innocent and responsible than she probably assumes. It's fathers who are usually the overprotective ones. Make her mother your ally.

[zehive]

Alright then

[Vector]

its being twisted into a second holocaust.

Some experiences shouldn't be used for rhetorical points.


I empathize you, but dude, you're still wrong. It doesn't matter if she leaves you or not. She's seventeen. She is a child. There are going to be lots of big changes in her life in the next few years and you need to worry more about being she has the chance to develop and grow than about whether or not you don't get to see her as much as you want, because you are dating a child. Someone on the verge of adulthood, yeah, but you're an adult and you have responsibilities now towards the children in your community, like it or not.

If you want help dealing with abusive parents? Sure, absolutely, been there and wrote the sappy best-selling novel. We can work on that and try to focus on your independence.

But step one: grow up and start acting like the adult you purportedly are.

[Yoink]

Dear gods... she's starting to sound a lot like my mother.
I think this whole "respecting your parents" thing has been drummed into you a little too firmly. It sounds like you really need to get away from these people. You're old enough, right? (I only ask because I don't know where you're from or what the age of majority is, there.)

 

Your family is crazy. Move out. Self-analyze regularly to ensure that you don't become one too. You've been given a bad example of how to be an adult.

^This. I was maybe too 'polite' before, but the stuff LB says is all true. I'd get out of there ASAP if I were you... having your mother come banging on your door if you don't come when she calls you is not normal or healthy. Not in the slightest. It's gonna mess up your head if you keep letting her do that kind of thing.

[zehive]

Quote buy print

[Sensei]

What your mother is doing definitely is not healthy. You're old enough not to have to tell her where you're going. Your girlfriend isn't exactly a child either, she's old enough to have some agency of her own. If you're really worried about HER parents, then the thing to do is A) talk to them as rationally as possible and B) wait until she's 18 before doing anything dramatic.

If your mother keeps bothering you, you shouldn't feel bad at all about lying as to your whereabouts. Sneaking out your girlfriend is a little iffy, but not illegal.

The bottom line is, you're in the right here. Don't make any concessions unless they have tactical value (EG, respecting your girlfriend's parents, because you value the opportunity to have a good relationship with them). If getting a discount on rent isn't worth your crazy family straining your relationship, then move as soon as you can.

My girlfriend once lived with her overbearing, jehovah's witness mother. She was self-righteous, criticized everything, talk constantly about what's morally right, and always smoked, drank, and wasted their money. If my girlfriend got money in an envelope from her grandparents for her birthday, her mother would tear it open and take it. She also didn't want me seeing her since I wasn't a jehovah's witness. Things didn't improve when she turned 18, and after a little while, she moved out. It was definitely a good decision.

Now, it doesn't sound like your girlfriend's parents are that bad, they're just protective. You should really try to reason with them. And once your girlfriend turns 18, it's not like they can ground her, can they? That would be a good time to talk to her dad again. Ask him, plainly, why he has problem with you dating his daughter, you're both adults, and you're responsible. you don't have to try shit like sneaking out all the time unless all else fails.

As for your parents, just get away. Lie, sneak, move out, whatever it takes. They're only going to make your life worse. If your aunt blocks your car, call the police. Actually do it. It would be a lot more convenient to wait until your girlfriend is 18 before any of that, but that's coming soon isn't it? The law is completely on your side.