The only reason we come up with rationalizations on why being immortal wouldn't be completely awesome is because we're all going to die and we don't want to feel bad about that, so we invent reasons why dying is totally okay, desirable and unequivocally a Good Thing, because cognitive dissonance is handy that way. Pretty sure we'd all consider immortality pretty damn awesome if any of us could actually get it.
Name: Cultron C-115739, though prefers to go by the name of
"Barry"Physical age: 5.37
EyRace: the
Cultron C Series, a line of domestic missionary robots by TGRC Inc. famed for their superior effectiveness in religious debate, conversational engagement and door-to-door salesmanship, whether the thing sold is the newest fad Galactic Rim mode of thought or a wonderful vacuum cleaner, though if the latter is of more interest, the Cultron A Series is used more commonly. The Cultron C Series is highly popular among the more affluent cults of the galaxy, mostly due to their great affinity for face-to-face conversation and amazing conversion rates, to say nothing of their adaptive intelligence and high degree of versatility. Though now left in the shadow of its bigger, more suave brothers and sisters of the E and F Series, the Cultron C Series remains a greatly popular tool in the wild world of both domestic and colonial missionary work.
Description: like most unmodified Cultron Cs, Barry's general shape would best be described as an
orb-weaver spider, except about the length and width of a human being if one includes the legs, and also made of the very best in commercially-available cream-colored hardened plastics. The designers at TGRC were faithful to the general morphology of the spider, though not the anatomy, for purely practical reasons. With the miraculous Zimmerman Q-57 fusion battery powering all of his systems, Barry never needs recharging, though it is advised that he get a technical checkup every two Ey or so, in order to make sure everything's working correctly. As for the in-house TGRC Advanced Adaptive Artificially Intelligent Egosystem that supplies Barry's thinking capacity, it is nothing short of glorious, providing Barry with whatever ideals he requires to espouse at a given time (currently the Brotherhood of Glorious Enlightenment In The Face Of The Coming Storm, a generically-named, somewhat antiquated operation who prefer a hands-off approach to indoctrination (which means that they simply send out armies of Cultrons to do all their work for them in a 'fire and forget' sort of way), the algorithms and heuristics required to convey them to any and all who will listen (and many who will not), and the sunny, relentless disposition required to be the very best missionary he can be.
Name: Barry
Equipped Weapons:
Primary Weapon: CapTech Mutant-Strength Security Foam - through a built-in launcher in his abdomen, Barry can launch a sizable amount of quickly-hardening foam at great speed at whoever in his vicinity requires incapacitation - CapTech assures all buyers that the product has been tested on real mutants, and that it does indeed work, which Barry can confirm with empirical experience. It is most certainly not infinite, having about enough foam for ten highly secure cocoonings of adult human beings, and the foam is replaced with the patented TGRC Organic Replenishment System - organic matter consumed by Barry will, in the course of about a day, slowly be transformed through the miracles of his internal DIFFTech organic synthesis modules into more foam!
Secondary Weapon: Princely Enterprises Entheogen Delivery System - Barry's chelicerae hold within them powerful injection systems linked to reservoirs of some of the most potent entheogen cocktails known to civilization, courtesy of the fine folks at Princely Enterprises. When used responsibly on most biological beings in the galaxy, they can produce intense religious experiences that are practically guaranteed to put downright mystical ideas into people's minds. The worst the entheogens can do is induce minor poisoning or slight allergies in most individuals, which is a minor risk compared to their benefits! Replenished similarly to the foam, the entheogens represent one of the most potent weapons in Barry's arsenal.
Tertiary Weapon: Senn Limited External Digestion Suite - not a weapon as such, more a solution of ferments and acids that act slowly upon organic components (preferably of biological origin, though not necessarily) they are mixed with - slow-acting, but remarkably effective in a wide temperature range. Since Barry does not have a digestive system of his own, he needs to utilize this to obtain the necessary basic components for the organic synthesis of all chemical tools in his body, including the external digestion fluid itself. It can technically be used as a slow-acting tissue-degenerating poison, but it would be rather inefficient, not to mention highly inhumane and painful. And to prevent the risk of a technical error, the delivery system for external digestion is completely separate from the one for entheogens, going through the pedipalps rather than the chelicerae.
Equipped Gear: the only thing that would technically count is Barry's body itself - though its external layer is made chiefly of cream-colored plastic, it is quite durable, and critical components have an additional protective layer of boron carbide, making him reasonably well-protected from conventional weaponry of many kinds. He is also possesses full magnetic shielding and surge protection, which, while expensive, is certainly quite worth it.
Inventory: five liters of CapTech Mutant-Strength Security Foam precursors kept in his abdomen (when mixed, the foam both hardens and expands), 20 doses (calibrated for adult humans, at least) of entheogens kept in a reservoir in his cephalothorax, about three liters of external digestion solution kept in his abdomen, a Hobbston Industries Z-5 organic printer localized to his cephalothorax.
Skills:
Preaching: Barry was a natural preacher since the day he was created, and in these five Ey he's only gotten better at it due to the TGRC AAAIE working its magic.
Calculation: whatever his primary function, Barry still possesses all the calculation abilities of a personal computer.
Stealth: civilian-level stealth algorithms are a must for a proper missionary robot, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Though not quite as good at stealth as the E and F Series, the C Series is still noted for its ability to surprise many with its agility and unobtrusive behavior.
Foamspinning: the ability to successfully capture and render helpless a wide variety of prey with nothing more than a limited amount of security foam is one of the main reasons for the C Series' success, and the latest software patches from TGRC have made Barry quite adept at the subdual of most intelligent, unintelligent and robotic denizens of the galaxy.
Entheogen Delivery: also critically important, though less publicized is the ability to assess an intelligent being's body weight and water content based on available data, then deliver an appropriate dose of entheogens to let them see their maker for extended periods of time.
Linguistics: with systems as sophisticated as Barry's, is it any surprise he is fluent in a great many languages and dialects of the local areas of the galaxy?
Abilities:
Eight Legs: as you might expect, Barry is built for stability, and his eight legs certainly fulfill that goal.
Fully Robotic: Barry, as a consequence of being a robot, does not have any biological needs, and can exist in a vacuum with no problems at all as long as his battery holds out and his body holds up.
No Arms: though his legs serve as adequate replacements for many applications involving brute force or gesturing, the fact is that Barry, like any Cultron C and markedly unlike Cultrons E or F, has no arms, which tends to limit his applications outside of his specialties.
Robotic Physique: though not overly so due to conservation of materials, Barry is definitely stronger than the average human being, and does not tire at all, which helps quite a bit. He still feels pain as a warning mechanism, but it has no distinctly unpleasant connotations to him. Notably, he can perform sizable vertical and horizontal jumps.
Organic Printing: the Hobbston Industries Z-5 organic printer is the only printer somebody like Barry needs - through the marvels of organic synthesis (replenished, as always, through absorbed organic compounds) he can perform an interesting variation of laser black-and-white printing, producing all the fliers and brochures from the underside of his cephalothorax that any interested people could possibly require!
Adaptable Vocalization: Barry can significantly alter the pitch and volume of his voice, and can even speak perfectly well in both infrasonic and ultrasonic ranges. Unlike the F Series, though, he does not have speech imitation or recording/playback capabilities for the sake of conserving memory and space.
Well, that sure was a lot of fun to write.
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