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NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE OH GOD NOPE

!!LETS RUN THIS SHIT INTO THE GROUND!!

[CaptainArchmage]

Alright my fellow ponies, it is time for a fort, since DF2014 isn’t coming out anytime soon. I’ve generated a world using the ASCII edition and opened up an embark between untamed wilds and two terrifying regions. I’ll have to locate it later on the map.

The fortress shall be named *opens envelope*
FAILBOW

RULES
-To be written. Like, if the fortress gets overrun by zombie snapping turtles, none of this is going to matter.
-You may claim one pony. Please look up the advice on Ponying.

PONYLIST
Captain Brony, Mechantist (Mechanic, trader, comedian, expedition leader) - Claimed by CaptainArchmage
McJerb, Surface Wench (Carpenter, doctor, garrison commander, one kill) - Claimed by mastahcheese
Professor Hedge (Planter/Clothier/Dyer/Miller) - Claimed by Deus Asmoth UNCLAIMED JUST NAMED you can pick up this pony.
Fiddlehead Pious, Celestial Holymare (Miner and Bonecarver, influenced by the dark voice with high combat stats by default) - Claimed by DVNO
Horse McShortwood, Psychoanalyst (Mason and Bulding Designer with one kill) - Claimed by Monitor Lizard

-2 more ponies remain to claim-

Advice on Dwarfing (Ponying):
You are encouraged to pick a “Headshoots” level name for your dwarf - not necessarily your user name. Names such as ERMAGHERD THE WISE, long insane acronyms such as “P.O.N.Y.B.O.T.", and borderline offensive titles are suggested. You are encouraged to also be creative with professions.

This post will be updated with further information as it becomes available.

Report by Captain Brony, Mechantist, 1st Granite 101

It looks like we’ve arrived the future settlement called FAILBOW. I don’t know about these “dwarves” mentioned but clearly there aren’t any around here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don’t know what the hell is up but since we got to the location, my vision has become totally fucked up. I’m seeing flashing lights on the horizon, pink grass, and even the Sun seems to be dancing to some pounding music. I should really cut down on the unicorn tears.



It looks like there is some “tainted creep” growing on the ground. It seems to be just about everywhere. We’ve also parked the wagon about four meters from some decaying grass, which seems to spread over the hill to the north and east. That doesn’t look good, fine if there is a bit of decaying grass but not an entire landscape full of it. What next, a rain of decay? Nope! I’d rather have sparkling rain to the south and west.

[CaptainArchmage]

-Single Reserved Post-

[mastahcheese]

...Can I get dwarfed as whoever will be put in the most peril?

[CaptainArchmage]

...Can I get dwarfed as whoever will be put in the most peril?

I wasn’t careful during the embark. I found a “good site” (YEAH, RIGHT) and pinked some funky shit from the embark screen along with the usual items - alcohol, picks, food, wood, and a bit of stone. I truly have no idea what the various creatures are - I avoided getting ocelots because I suspect they are vermin hunters and didn’t want to have ocelotsplosion in the first few hours following Easter.

There isn’t much in the way of dangerous wildlife around. Half the map is supposed to be “terrifying” but there are no undead around yet. Given the dead grass, I suspect it will have animating creatures, and maybe some crazy evil weather and clouds. I assume that means if you’re the guy working on the surface, you’re most at risk, so I’ll dwarf you as the carpenter.

You are encouraged to pick a “Headshoots” level name for your dwarf - not necessarily your user name. Names such as ERMAGHERD THE WISE, long insane acronyms such as “P.O.N.Y.B.O.T.", and borderline offensive titles are suggested. You are encouraged to also be creative with professions.

[mastahcheese]

"McJerb, the Surface Wench"

[CaptainArchmage]

"McJerb, the Surface Wench"

I’ve tried to get this going but it looks we keep getting overrun by undead or horrid filth. That’s what I get for calling this place FAILBOW. I’ve added "Professor Hedge” Cookgrow to the list of ponies, though unclaimed. He is a pony with beautiful wings, and happens to be the clothier/miller/grower/dyer. You may claim him if you like.

Journal Entry by Captain Brony, 3rd Granite 101

No sooner did we stop the wagon and some awful yellow clouds roll over in the sky to the North, raining down some horrid filth over the landscape. I evacuated everyone along with the animals from the decaying region to the western area of the site, where our miners are hurridly carving out a hole for us to shelter in. After three days, we got attacked by a horned adder corpse charging over the hill. I hurridly prepared our defences, which meant making McJerb our Garrison commander and ordering a charge against the beast. It was defeated quickly by kicking, but the incident unfortunately left our mason in a very bad mood.

Whoever picked this site as a good place for stables was clearly huffing rainbow dust.

Monthly (?) Report by Captain Brony, 2nd Slate 101

So much crazy shit has happened here at FAILBOW I don’t really even where to start. Our troubles with the undead continued throughout the month. Firstly, this happened:


A zombie red panda got into the stream where the horrid filth was coming down, and punched out some of the carp in the water. The carp then started to rise from the dead and attack the remaining live carp.


The zombie panda then went all wailing on a snapping turtle, and since it was disturbingly close to our earthworks and wagon, I sent the military out. Of course, only McJerb got on the job and got two kills - one was the red panda corpse, and the other was the live snapping turtle.


The red panda corpse was covered in the horrid filth, so of course McJerb would get some freakish all-over blistering and dizziness syndrome from it.


This is the now-empty food stockpile with the horned adder corpse nearby.


This is the river, now full of undead carp and giant snapping turtles.


Finally this is our survival fortress. It is underground because this is the best way we can defend ourselves. The yellow lines demarcate the boundaries where things seem to come back to life after being dead. All the animals are in the entrance hall, and we have a drawbridge. The bridge just needs to be hooked up to a lever, and wood is being brought in from the wagon. I should probably have the turtle we killed earlier butchered for meat and shells before it rots too, unless it has walked off. And I’m out of pink ink. Shit.

[DVNO]

IT BEGINS AGAIN! >:U


pony me up as a 'Celestial Holymare', Captain.

Name: Fiddlehead Pious,

female

5th Granite, 101

     It has begun! Were here! In the middle of nowhere! In a place of unknowable horror and certain death! Isn't it Great? This calls for such a party!

     Huh, that all seems a bit disjointed if somepony reads it real fast. Okay, well, maybe I should back up and tell the ponies, or whatever finds this, why it's so great. I can understand a little confusion! It's understandable, when one is greeted with a forsaken arid hellscape that stares back into your soul with eyestalks and molests your legs with tainted tentacles, one might understandably be upset, or disparaged, orrr begin bargaining to the forbidden gods for a painless death in this cavern sized tomb. Not this pony!

  You see, what those neigh-sayers don't realize is this is such a great honor if you stop and really think about it. See, when everypony mentions Equestria, it's all about the cakes and Rainbooms. But! No one ever stops to think about the amazing efforts it takes to make Equestria so, well,

-amazing!-

This Fantastical world of ours can be scary. It can be cruel. But we are ponies. It is our duty, no, our life's responsibility to make the world brighter! It's our burden to bear, and yes, it can get tough. Yes, it can be difficult. But did Princess Celestia ever give up when things get tough? Did Princess Luna ever give up when things got difficult!?  No. They Didn't. And neither shall I! We can all learn what's possible and what dreams can take flight from their example.

This wretched, miserable, desolate, doleful, cheerless, agony hole is going to be a fun-land of mirthful wonder worthy of Equestria or my name isn't Fiddlehead Pious! And if it takes the extremely bizarre, unorthodox, and dashingly creative methods that got me excommunicated from the Sisterhood and banished here, so be it!

Ooh, I can't wait for a temple of my very own! I'm going to make if pink and fabulous! This is going to be the best!

((The Dawnpick Group will have a ball with this ))

[Monitor Lisard]

I'd like myself a pony, any will do. Name: Horse McShortwood, psychoanalyst. 

[CaptainArchmage]

I ponied everyone up. We have Professor Hedge still up for claims, along with two miners.

((The Dawnpick Group will have a ball with this ))

What is The Dawnpick Group?

The group name for the fortress is The Ultimate Balls, by the way.

[Monitor Lisard]

The group name for the fortress is The Ultimate Balls, by the way.

That reeealy pleases my pony self. 

[CaptainArchmage]

Journel entry by Captain Brony, Mechantist, 5th Slate 101

There is still no end to our troubles with the undead as McJerb punched out another undead porcupine on the hill slopes. The porcupine had killed off an opossum, which we can butcher, though I’m concerned about the horrid filth covering it.



Today I decided to make McJerb the chief medical pony, since he is the only one around here with doctoring skills. I’m really uncomfortable about the one qualified pony also being the garrison commander, and afflicted with an all-over blistering and dizziness syndrome.

Fortress Journel by Captain Brony, 14th Slate, 101

My office has been completed! I’m going to install a lever to control the entrance drawbridge in there, like, after I wake up. Of course we have no fucking beds at the moment and “Horse McShortwood” the psychoanalyst one of the miners is sleeping in my office, so I will have to sleep in the food stockpile. In the meantime, I hope McJerb isn’t going to suffer a psychiatric meltdown.


This is what the fortress looks like at the moment. All designated mining works are complete. Professor Herb borrowed one of McJerb’s anatomy books and is trying to figure out how best to butcher the opossum, in a makeshift butcher’s ship in the main hall. He isn’t showing any signs of the blistering syndrome, so he must be doing something right.

Over in the Undead Hellscape that is the eastern part of the site, there are undead giant thrips, some of them showing signs of evolution. If they get over here we could be in real trouble.

End-of-month Report by Captain Brony, 27th Slate 101

The bunker is completely locked down! Its over! I spent a few days dragging the last of the wood logs back inside, along with our anvil and a copper battle axe, because it was really hard to get anyone else to do the job properly. McJerb then yelled at me, but seemed to feel a bit better afterwards. I just got around to linking the drawbridge up to a lever in my office and closed the gates before the skeletal giant thrips swarp hit.

We have our entire supply of coal, limestone, and threads still in the wagon. We’ll have to get it sometime but the situation should be recoverable once the thrips leave. If some fucking migrants show up before then, they’re probably going to be swarmed, so I hope that will not be for a while.

To stop the miners from going outside, I had them dig down about two floors worth of stairs. They hit marble, which is quite useful since we can use it as a “flux” material in the production of steel! They also engraved my office and a few rooms. Still no fucking beds though, because McJerb is in such a vile mood.


This is what the bunker looks like now. I had the adder skeleton brought inside so we can use the bones for useful things like bolts or crafts, in case any traders actually show up in the future. The central room is completely packed full of workshops and wood, along with a few tables for us to eat at.

In the next month, I need to get some farms up. Food is beginning to run low and I don’t want to run out!

[DVNO]

We're the fine, fine folks behind Glitterglen, DawnPick & DuskFields.

Glitterglen still being the second largest game ever written on this board to this day which still blows my mind.

We are in fact, still around and roll d20 dice from time to time. On the fabled next release, we will slink out of the darkness to continue our dark work and sing in a low, terrifying contralto at the advent of Glitterglen II and the end of the world. And story will be double the length! This board will feel our tyranny once again! Bwaahahahaha!

... but until then I guess dicking around in Failbow with have to do

[PDF urist master]

I feel like the fortress is nearing its end already, with all the undead.

[Khenal]

Looks interesting, I'll definitely keep an eye on this fort, hopefully the undead don't kill the fort before it can even begin.

[Senshuken]

I would like to have someone ponied. My only real requirement is that they are male.

Name: Mr Soahk. Job: Some sort of military position. Any weapon he can use is fine.