As near anyone in my family can tell, it traces back to a man named "Fat". His own child was named "slimy", but managed to sow trillions of "wild oats", if you get my drift. It gets muddled from there, determining whether the Bastard line continues or not, but when me great great great grandmammy Devilish Bastard married me great great great grandpappy Rich Bastard the Eighth, they reunited two disparate branches of the Bastard Family. From them, we can trace... two mostly pure lines back to Slimy. Rich and Devilish produced three fine children, the eldest inheriting Rich's fortune. Records call him Lucky. Lucky had five children himself, including Lucky Bastard the Second, and Hot Bastard. Lucky Two basically was never heard from again after he won some sort of game show, but Hot Bastard married her cousin, Handsome, and Sexy Bastard was their sole heir. He had about... thirty two wives, if I recall correctly.
Sexy's children each went on to form their own families. Me own pap is Long Winded Bastard, and Wasted Bastard was Sexy the Second's seventh child. Heh heh, do you want to know how many wives Sexy the Second managed to get? Forty five, not counting his half-sisters. Me uncle is one smoooooth Bastard. His own firstborn, Sexy the Third, though, is right here;
Sneaky points to his reel of photos.
Died when he tried to drug a girl at a party and would up taking them himself. Managed to produce one heir, not that that means anything unless your name is Lucky or Rich. Speaking of Rich, I heard that Rich Bastard the Thirteenth sponsors this show. He'd be me seventh cousin, twice removed, so he wouldn't be on me list of cousins, but I'll be visiting him one day for a loan, too. Most Bastards get loans from their generation's Rich Bastard, it's basically tradition.
Sneaky finishes folding up his photographs.
Nice meeting yo', 'Sword', but I smell beer now, and will be off.
And then he just seems to disappear from sight and is quickly forgotten.