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[Xvareon]

Hello, everyone. I have a request, and it’s a fairly large one, so feel free to say no; but I really hope you won’t, because I really, really need help, right now. I’ll give you the quick explanation, though I’ll leave more details in a spoiler below.

I have a friend from Russia who is at an emotional crisis point, going as far as contemplating -- and even attempting -- suicide. Throughout his life, he’s had to deal with a lot of negative elements -- bullies, drunks, divorced parents, people who try to take advantage of others, etc. He attributes all of this to the belief that all of humanity is corrupt like this, and can’t truly create or do anything good without some kind of malicious or selfish intent behind it (for example, people doing good just to make themselves look good). And so, rather than dealing with humans/people, he decides to turn to escapism -- specifically, the world of Equestria in the TV series 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. He believes that ponies are everything humans are not, and can never be -- that they’re pure and good, while we’re corrupt and evil. I’ve tried to convince him otherwise, but he shrugs off most of the examples I show him, and he doesn’t think of me as a human to begin with -- he thinks of me as a ‘friend’, which he believes to be mutually exclusive with ‘human’. He's become the textbook misanthrope.

Spoiler: Further Details (click to show/hide)

He's attempted suicide at least once, already, to try and escape from all of this. The only thing stopping him from trying again is a promise he made to his mother, but I'm afraid he'll forsake that promise if he gets too frustrated. I was able to stop him from doing it once before, but only because I pretty much threatened to cut my friendship with him if he took that final step. I really, really don’t want to do that again if I can avoid it.

He has also come to the belief that he is a pony, straight from Equestria; specifically, a pony who's been kicked out of his home world, stripped of memories, and made to suffer in a certain crummy little hellhole called 'Earth'. I've been doing RP sessions with him where he is a pony character in Equestria, making friends with the main characters and others -- but even that has ceased to have any real interest for him, now.

He often uses a popular Russian website called ‘zadolba’, which is filled mostly with complaints and negative stories from those who frequent it. All this contributes to his belief that wherever there’s anything good, it’s either a lie, or there’s something negative behind it; and consequently, everything negative is likely true, since it’s ‘telling things like they are’.

The funny thing is, he's not actually in a terrible position, right now. He lives with his mother, who is a caring and responsible person, though she is also forced to deal with things like bad, abusive bosses at work -- and she has dealt with it, for over 30 years straight. His brother, who was originally little more than a total jerk to him, recently made a complete heel-face turn and got into a marriage (complete with child) with an apparently nice girl who seems to have her own head on straight. He doesn't seem to care about most of that, though -- at least not enough to change his mind.

Since there's nothing in his life that really interests him (at least nothing that he can see), he tends to view his life as gray and pointless at best, and downright painful at worst. Currently, he’s at the point where he’s about ready to give up. He’s mentioned breaking off our talks that we’ve been having almost every night for the past year or so, since it’s become little more than killing time with the same topics over and over. Last night, he didn't really want to talk about anything, saying things like 'whatever' and 'I don't care' far more often than I'm comfortable with. I’ve tried pretty much everything, and I’m afraid I’m all out of leverage I can use with him. I need more.

I need help.

The crux of the deal, here, is that he doesn’t believe that people will be willing to go out of their way to do anything truly good for others without some kind of selfish ulterior motive. When I told him I was going to create posts exactly like this, asking for people to help, he told me not to waste my time -- he thinks that the most I’ll get is scorn and ridicule. His only basis for this point of view, however, is his own situation and the people involved in it, and whatever negative stories he dredges up from the internet. Consequently, he has become heavily biased due to lack of balance in the information he gets about the world, and has come to the conclusion that all the bad and negativity is all there is in the world -- this is precisely the point that I aim to attack. However, I simply can't do this on my own.

To anyone who wants to help -- and I sincerely hope you do -- here’s what I’m asking of you:

1) Provide solid examples of:

• Situations where trust, honesty and positive values prevailed
• Humans showing real care for other people besides themselves
• Stories that illustrate real, genuine friendship between people (especially these)
• Anything that could invoke hopeful thoughts or warm feelings about people

Even if they’re minor, they will still add up. Personal situations and examples are probably best, but stories/videos and such on the internet works, too. As many as you can, please. Either post them here or send them to me via PM/E-Mail, or, for the more direct approach:

2) I will send you my friend’s contact information for E-Mail and chat messaging if you want to either send your encouragement and support, or try and speak to him/befriend him. This is probably the best way, since he doesn’t want to ask for help like this himself, but he wishes SO much that people would actually care and be thoughtful like that. If you choose this option, then I’ll set up a chat with you to explain the situation in deeper detail, down to his specific preferences and thoughts on many things, so you can have a better idea of what to expect. I’m not going to ask you to do this blind.

If you choose to help via option 1, please post whatever examples and stories you know of that fall into the above categories (anything positive, really). If 2, send me a PM or E-Mail, and I will work with you closely and give you the run-down on all the specifics you'll want to know. Also, I plan on posting this request to other places on the internet, so if any of you know of any good forums/websites I should try out, please post them here.

I realize that all of this is a tall order, but listen -- I know for a fact that he hasn't completely given up, yet. He still has a lingering hope that I'm right, that there's still a chance of things working out in the end and that he can have things like friendship if he wants; he just doesn't believe that such a thing is possible among humans, which is why I'm here, asking all of you to help me prove him wrong. I can't do it alone, since I have insufficient leverage and support for my arguments. If any of you pitch in with this, though, it will directly counter his belief that all of humanity is evil, while at the same time proving that there ARE decent people in this world. Any help you can give will be enormously appreciated -- by both me, and my friend. I'm serious -- you may just save his life.

If you have any questions, please, don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for reading.

[Cheeetar]

Is this the same person who was looking for somebody who had the same personality as rainbow dash from MLP to be his sister?

Also: Do you think he'd be okay with you sharing his contact details with people he doesn't know?

[Xvareon]

Is this the same person who was looking for somebody who had the same personality as rainbow dash from MLP to be his sister?

Also: Do you think he'd be okay with you sharing his contact details with people he doesn't know?

Yes, he is the very same person.

And yes, I have permission from him to give his Chatango/DeviantArt/FiMFiction/Skype contact info, as well as his E-Mail, to people I trust. I don't intend to just hand it out randomly, anyway -- I want to make sure the people applying for this are actually serious about helping. Consequently, anyone who contacts him will already have my voucher for them, so he will know they came from me and that he should at least give them a shot.

[Shook]

First thought is "welp". I'm really not sure i'd be the right person to pick number 2, but what i can provide is a personal story for number 1, about how the kindness and friendship of others saved me from falling apart completely.

Spoiler: because length and convenience (click to show/hide)

See, in the first many years of school (read: Danish school is divided into 10 years of elementary school, ~3 years of high school and then 2-8 years of university equivalent), i was bullied. Not by one guy, although it started out like that. Then, as years passed, more people picked up on the "OHEY HE'S A SCAPEGOAT" deal, and by the 5 year mark, the amount of kids in the entire school that i could count as friends could be counted on one hand. At one point, it was so bad that i would feign illness just to avoid going to school, even going so far as to hit myself in the gut to get a stomach ache. I was NOT feeling good back then.

BUT. The few friends i did have were what mattered. They liked me for who i was, and they kept alive in me the hope that i would meet more of such people in the future, even if it was a pretty faint hope. Time passed, and by the end of elementary school, only one of my actual friends remained, the others having left for various personal issues including bullying (but note, none of them deliberately turned their back to me, we still met up from time to time). Thank goodness he did. If all i had to go by were the other assholes, i really wouldn't have had high hopes for humanity either. This sounds pretty dismal so far, but please, hang on a bit longer.

See, now came graduation day, and i could finally leave that hellhole. My base personality back then was extremely shy and reclusive, pretty much the stereotypical quiet kid who didn't seem like he wanted to talk to anyone, except the reality was that i just didn't know how to go about it. Fortunately, thanks to my awesome friends, i wasn't completely broken by the time i graduated, and could now begin to actually pursue that hope of meeting better people.

Fast forward past the summer vacation, and lo and behold, i'm sitting in high school (Danish: HTX) in a classroom full of complete strangers to me. But here's the kicker: None of them treated me badly. At all. We were all shy to begin with, of course, but that's how things go when you enter a new place. I was still extremely shy, but it was so incredibly relieving that i didn't have to worry about bullying. I mean, i DID worry that it would start up again, but it never did. In fact, every single person in that class falls under the "cool person that i like" category, and i'm totally comfortable in their company.

Three years later, we graduated. Held a series of parties, were all happy and jolly good friends, and basically you wouldn't be able to recognize the shy kid that entered high school 3 years earlier. These people, with their kindness, effectively took my fractured self and put it together in the best way possible. Unlike leaving the elementary school before, i was actually genuinely sad to leave these wonderful people behind, knowing how much they had done for me over those three years. They never expected anything unreasonable, and they never disrespected me for any reason whatsoever. Likewise did i never disrespect them, because why should i? They're good people, there's no reason to do that.

And then... THEN came university. Once again, a room full of new faces. THREE DAYS later, and we were all unreasonably comfortable around each other, and this is also where i started to learn that people were totally cool with me actually being me. There was just an incredible amount of respect permeating the air, with nobody judging anyone else because they were slightly different or anything like that. It felt like fucking heaven to me. It was also this bunch of people that finalized my shift in world view: People are awesome until otherwise proven. Hell, i became a better person myself after all this. They've treated me so nicely that i'm starting to wonder if it was my own reclusive behaviour that caused me so much pain back then. I'd always respond angrily and dismissively to any and every inquiry, suspecting that it was just some new way to cause me grief that they had come up with. No more of that, i'm not like that any more.

In fact, some of my friends there have managed to break down the ultimate barrier for me: We've spent time together outside of classes, completely by our own choice, solely because it would be fun to do. I hadn't don't that for years. I had almost forgotten how great it was, just hanging out with a set of awesome people and having a good time.

Fairly recently, i actually met one of my previous tormentors from elementary school, completely by chance... And he was actually not a bad person. Could be that he had matured, could be that I had matured, maybe both. Thing is, most people are actually decent human beings who are perfectly fine with being friends just for the sake of being friends. Some people are unfortunately really unlucky and encounter terrible people time and time again, but to those people, i say this: Hang tight, there is good in this world. I KNOW it can be hard to believe that, but trust me, it's true.

And ding! I'll let you know if i overcome my shyness about number 2, which i kind of hope i will.

[Tiruin]

He attributes all of this to the belief that all of humanity is corrupt like this, and can’t truly create or do anything good without some kind of malicious or selfish intent behind it (for example, people doing good just to make themselves look good). And so, rather than dealing with humans/people, he decides to turn to escapism -- specifically, the world of Equestria in the TV series 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. He believes that ponies are everything humans are not, and can never be -- that they’re pure and good, while we’re corrupt and evil. I’ve tried to convince him otherwise, but he shrugs off most of the examples I show him, and he doesn’t think of me as a human to begin with -- he thinks of me as a ‘friend’, which he believes to be mutually exclusive with ‘human’.

Oh dear. :S

The crux (in my opinion): Exposure. And the personal viewpoint (or curiosity of the world).

He's been exposed to negative elements for so long that he believes it stands as a generality for humanity (can't fully blame him, it seems that most minds are more in depth with their perception to what they can sense as compared to what truly exists [ie Try to perceive outer space from the sun to pluto, that's a huge distance, yet it is hard to truly grasp how much darn space is in between each planet])
Try to get him on a trip to nicer places? Introduce him to good people? My argument here stands on exposure--and on the small-big perception as the crux. You cannot get a small sample of people and use their attitudes to generalize the whole populace.


Another point you can base on: Where was the sense of good conceived? How did MLP get their values from? Who created them?
Why are there good values?

Probably introduce him to an ethics instructor or professor (or a guidance counselor)--there is nothing wrong with that, of note.


I'll give a note here: He's attributing, perhaps primarily, due to his perception. I believe that what evils he saw reinforced those beliefs--sans any positive reinforcement, it hardens his ideals and views. Given that you're a "friend", well, you're at a really good crucial point to help influence him for the better! [Also, by giving this whole thread? A real awesome friend]
Anyways.

Since there's nothing in his life that really interests him (at least nothing that he can see), he tends to view his life as gray and pointless at best, and downright painful at worst. Currently, he’s at the point where he’s about ready to give up. He’s mentioned breaking off our talks that we’ve been having almost every night for the past year or so, since it’s become little more than killing time with the same topics over and over. Last night, he didn't really want to talk about anything, saying things like 'whatever' and 'I don't care' far more often than I'm comfortable with. I’ve tried pretty much everything, and I’m afraid I’m all out of leverage I can use with him. I need more.

Talk with him more! Life being dull and gray isn't a fully lived life (and from personal experience--suicide is the worst option to take given ANY kind of circumstance. Even if your life is pretty much...hell, it does not justify suicide [well, here, unless you've done something so dishonorable...even then.])

Next: Note that part where you said 'killing time'. Question him about it. Question his ideals--why he chooses to view such and such as so.

The crux of the deal, here, is that he doesn’t believe that people will be willing to go out of their way to do anything truly good for others without some kind of selfish ulterior motive. When I told him I was going to create posts exactly like this, asking for people to help, he told me not to waste my time -- he thinks that the most I’ll get is scorn and ridicule. His only basis for this point of view, however, is his own situation and the people involved in it, and whatever negative stories he dredges up from the internet. Consequently, he has become heavily biased due to lack of balance in the information he gets about the world, and has come to the conclusion that all the bad and negativity is all there is in the world -- this is precisely the point that I aim to attack. However, I simply can't do this on my own.

Personally? You do good things. Invite him to do good things with you.
If the world is evil to you--return good to it. You'll be better than them, to say the least.

If you can't exactly break his ideal view of being a pony--then work with it, but slowly shift towards the humanistic viewpoint; do good things just as those ponies do good things--then teach him along the way towards what it is in being human.
You do note those negative influences? Show him the positive side! (Or mayhap, challenge those negativities with a good round of debate or such).

Prove:
    Situations where trust, honesty and positive values prevailed
    Humans showing real care for other people besides themselves
    Stories that illustrate real, genuine friendship between people (especially these)
    Anything that could invoke hopeful thoughts or warm feelings about people

Ahh the joy of mass media.
See: This is everyday action. We cannot prove any exact instance but point to what happens in everyday life--perhaps the outlook of the media being the full truth of how the world goes, due to us not being really able to know everything-going-on in the world is a truth, yes? Know what the media is for: reporting the problems in the country so that things can be done about it. Their origin. Their foundation.

The media is not for telling what is exactly and holistically true about a people (ie Terrorists do Islam. Muslim = Islam, therefore hate all muslims due to their belief? NO! That is WRONG!).
If you want proof: Look at what you did right here. Perhaps a small action in your eye--but the OP (your post) already fulfills ALL FOUR CRITERIA you put right there! That's darn solid if you'd ask me!

My advice: Counter-exposure. He's seen the bad. He's seen the evil. He values good. I believe its in the values that shape the people, and he's being influenced by his environment (which seems more against his internal beliefs), so go do good in lieu of encountering evil.

Inspire doing good. People will follow.

Is this the same person who was looking for somebody who had the same personality as rainbow dash from MLP to be his sister?

Also: Do you think he'd be okay with you sharing his contact details with people he doesn't know?

Yes, he is the very same person.

And yes, I have permission from him to give his Chatango/DeviantArt/FiMFiction/Skype contact info, as well as his E-Mail, to people I trust. I don't intend to just hand it out randomly, anyway -- I want to make sure the people applying for this are actually serious about helping. Consequently, anyone who contacts him will already have my voucher for them, so he will know they came from me and that he should at least give them a shot.

We're all serious here.
^{Though, if you'd want, I'm open...just that I'm a bit nervous about this because it's mostly me, and not anything/one else xD}

[Tiruin]

I realize that all of this is a tall order, but listen -- I know for a fact that he hasn't completely given up, yet. He still has a lingering hope that I'm right, that there's still a chance of things working out in the end and that he can have things like friendship if he wants; he just doesn't believe that such a thing is possible among humans, which is why I'm here, asking all of you to help me prove him wrong.

You know what I love? The bolded part.
Hope.
The belief that things will go right--that not everything is a living hell. That mostly inexplainable feeling that perhaps I'm wrong in a situation where everything is wrong.
And it really ain't.
We're all here for ya in aiding him.

Edit: Oop doublepost...
...
Ah well?

[Eagleon]

When I was younger, coming out of my self-absorbed escapist period in which I believed I was some kind of special creature with superior ethics and world-view and everyone else sucked, I decided it was self-absorbed and escapist to decide the world was doomed and arbitrarily corrupt without actually being willing to do something about it. Then I decided, like your friend, that self-absorbed behavior and viewpoint was actually the normal state for people (including myself) - psychological egoism.

Most people would probably take this as damning of humanity, but I took it as a source of sanity outside the usual helpless confusion over altruistic vs self-serving behavior. "Why are people assholes?" finally actually had an answer beyond "The Devil!" - it was "I'm pretty much an asshole too if I can get away with it and it helps me!"

Now, that's not to say that there isn't some social pressure in our genes towards altruism and cohesion - I love people, I have a lot of empathy towards them, or questions like this wouldn't even occur to me. But when you realize we can't have anything but a self-centered viewpoint (we don't see through other people's eyes [yet]) it softens the senseless mayhem of other people's actions and opens your eyes towards some of your own. Other people are fighting too, probably for someone or multiple someones they care about and rely on. I'm human, I'm basically as good as I've had strength and support and reason to be, therefore it's extremely unlikely that the person that just scowled at me for reasons unknown isn't human as well and maybe just a little irritable that day.

I don't know if he's past this kind of thinking. I've been there, and no, I couldn't reconcile the existence of evil. Instead of hating the world, though (which had steak, and sunsets, and dogs), I just decided to think of it as immaturity, an artifact of our animal selves come to smash into things like an idiot while we work towards something better.

[Xvareon]

Trust me, I've dealt with this enough to know that whatever I can come up with on my own isn't going to be enough, no matter what it is. It's very hard for me to get through to him when he's countering every example I can think of with negative ones, and constantly fighting me on this point every time I argue it. It's difficult for him to look beyond and see the good when he's constantly bombarded by reminders of his situation, and examples of how bad people are, especially when he's trapped in a small town pretty much filled with such crap.

That's precisely why I asked for help, though -- to show him that there are people in this world who actually DO care, despite all that he thinks. Every post -- even the thought that goes into making it -- helps enormously, as it proves that there really is hope. That there are thoughtful and kind people in the world that he may even feel worthy to call 'friend'.

[Tiruin]

Trust me, I've dealt with this enough to know that whatever I can come up with on my own isn't going to be enough, no matter what it is. It's very hard for me to get through to him when he's countering every example I can think of with negative ones, and constantly fighting me on this point every time I argue it. It's difficult for him to look beyond and see the good when he's constantly bombarded by reminders of his situation, and examples of how bad people are, especially when he's trapped in a small town pretty much filled with such crap.

Question it.

[Xvareon]

I have questioned it. Numerous times. The reason he views it as 'killing time' is because he doesn't really know of anything better in life, so he's just passing the time until he can go to sleep at the end of the day. He's expressed a desire to 'go to sleep and never wake up', so he wouldn't have to deal with the tedium and meaninglessness of life, anymore.

[Draignean]

“But we were born of risen apes, not fallen angels, and the apes were armed killers besides. And so what shall we wonder at? Our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irreconcilable regiments? Or our treaties, whatever they may be worth; our symphonies, however seldom they may be played; our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields; our dreams, however rarely they may be accomplished. The miracle of man is not how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. We are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses.”

That, I think, encapsulates exactly how I feel on this subject.

If your friend looks for the 'dark' side of people, he's going to find it. The emotions and actions that we consider 'dark' are usually driven by biological, evolutionarily tempered, hungers. We have all of the hungers and lusts of our animal brothers, but we are also born with the curse of being able construct morality and label those hungers as deviant, the actions as selfish, and their combination loathsome. Humans are not a 'good' species because we built our catalogs of 'bad' actions by observing our own behaviors. Yet the same can be said in reverse. Honor, Courage, Charity, Justice, Mercy, Love, these are not arbitrary concepts that we wished for in days gone by, these are words created to describe what we felt in ourselves and what we saw in others.

I do not believe there is any man or woman that walked the earth and was free of fault, but I likewise cannot believe that there has been a human who ever drew breath that did not have some seed of redemption as well. The beauty of people, the raw unfiltered glory of humanity, is not the fact that we are inherently good, but that we can fight our capricious, selfish, cruel, and atavistic nature. We lose the battle more often than we win, and I say that from the trenches, but our defeat matters very little. What matters is that we can fight, that we even realize that there is something to fight. We are all dying; our sun is dying, our universe is cooling. When the time of creation passes, and the chemistry of the universe stabilizes, nothing we have ever done will matter. Yet we still hold open doors for our elders, we still tip the waitress, we still drop money to the guys playing bluegrass on the side of the road, we still volunteer to help people move, we still give that random freshman directions. There are a thousand stupid, selfish things we do every day. But, considering that we are all but a stone's blink away from dead anyway, such villainy is hardly surprising. What is remarkable is the old man at Johnny Rockets who tips two bucks for a mug of coffee every morning. He has no reason to; no social imperative, no woman to impress, nobody to take notice besides a random staff member and the too curious bystander, yet he does it. It is, in and of itself, a small thing, but it represents something much greater. The endless struggle of man, to be something more than scion of apes, is not only a battle that we still have the strength to fight, but one that is won every day in a thousand tiny ways.

Your friend seems cursed of media induced high standards, similar to the anime fan who thinks he's going to get a wisp thin girl with anti-gravity breasts and the personality of a valium commercial. He has learned enough to know that there are such things as integrity, charity, friendship, and selflessness, and he's been given a full on dose of those ideal in pure form (MLP, much as I hate to admit it), but feels betrayed that the real world is filled with people who operate at an imperfect level. He's seen the flawless form, imagined it, lived in it, believed in it, and has watched it get burned to ashes by real life. I felt similarly about the ideals of chivalry and valor when I was young, and I remember how angry and frustrated I was that the world wasn't like the way the books made it sound. He has to come to terms with the real world, and stop being frustrated into depression by imperfection. If he does style himself as a pony (I feel very silly saying that), then how is he living up to it? There is a fight going on, but I wonder if he realizes just how little of the load he's pulling. He's demanding that the world be better than it is, and there's not a damn thing wrong with that, but he needs to realize that he has to start winning a few battles in his own fight first.

tl;dr: You don't need big examples, it's the little things that matter. It's the little things that show us that there is something worth fighting for at all.

As you may have noticed, I'm not a happy-peppy-friendly kind of talker who can paint the world in all the shades of glory. I find the beauty of humanity in the struggle, even though I have precious little hope of victory. Still, if you think I would help, I can probably spare some time to help in option 2.

[Tiruin]

For posterity: Draignean's that down-to-earth experienced fellow who delivers most things as they are, sans pillows and nails. If we wish for an ideal world, we have to fight for it.

Though I do believe he has gotten the idea: What you focus on, you realize.

On that note: Ask him to give an example of what good he thinks, assuming, about humanity.

[Xvareon]

@Draignean: I share your sentiments. Humanity may be intrinsically flawed, but the important thing is that there is hope to look forward to at all, not how much or how little.

If you really want to help with this, please add me as a contact via Skype (my account name is umbranoth) so I can go over the details with you. Just remember, it would help immensely if you had a situation or example in mind, personal or otherwise, that would help you to relate to him and his position on things. Thank you so much for responding.

I have to go to sleep, soon, so it'll have to be tomorrow before I can really sit down and talk, just so you know. My timezone is UTC -06:00 (Central US/Canada), so it's 1:08 a.m right now. I usually get on at 9:00 p.m, and end at 12:00 p.m. I'm usually on well throughout the day before that, though my time then tends to vary. But I'm always on from 9 to 12, no matter what.

@Naxza: Loss for words? You conveyed the idea beautifully, irrespective of word count. Thank you for such a thoughtful post. I'll make sure he sees that -- I'll make sure he sees all of this. ^^

[Tiruin]

You've a weird concept of a bad idea, greatorder.

That's a great idea!

[Vector]

Something my mom always said: "You can guarantee the decency of precisely one person: yourself."