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[MDFification]

EDIT: Also, either that vampire was more afraid of Corley than he was of the Order, or I was too subtle in the two's implied connections.

The order represses those who disagree with it, although not all heretics are truly dangerous and indeed most probably aren't. Corley created a race of monsters that he couldn't control and eventually turned against all living sentients, because he wanted to commit a genocide to help sate his daddy issues.

I know which I'd be afraid of.

[peregarrett]

Someone said Bloodstones?

- Padre, it's a bit late, but there's a strange creature in the last cavern. It's a humanoid made of blood!
- What? Does it attack?
- No, it just enjoys the bath.
- Well, no need to hurry then. Tell Sir Brenzen, but I better rely on traps.

[Deus Asmoth]

Yeah, I think that's been there for a few years now. He just hangs around, chilling.

[peregarrett]

Bomrek Abanducim, a stoneworker who burrowed himself in a tome of mineralogy, suddenly shut the book close and jumped out of the desk. Other students looked at him with worry, but then returned to their studies.

But Bomrek had more important deed to do. He found a spare workshop and gathered every tool it had in a single pile on the table. Then he proceeded to materials. Boulders, cloth, bars, gems, leather... The pile grew. Finally he got the last log and started the work.

Few days later others found Bomrek sleeping there with a stone trumpet in his hands


After waking up he gave others wild glance and walked back to his tome like nothing happened.

- Padre! Padre! GOBLINS!!!
Oh shit.

[Gnorm]

Letter from Gnora to Brother Cornelius
Sunberries
--
Dear Padre,

I understand that you're a hard-worker; you're our priest and doctor, after all. But I also understand that you have yourself a bit of a drinking problem. I came to this here fortress fixing to grow crops like our ancestors and that does not include sunberries. If you keep trying to import our crops, ever'one's going to get hooked, and we're never going to stop buying them from those humans and elves.

I reckon that you simply don't understand the effect that this will have, so I'm going to make my this little bit of advice clear: don't plant us those foreign plants.

Sincerely,
Miss Gnora

[jrrocks05]

O my Armok  Gnora is a plant racist!

[TheFlame52]

The first thing Flame did after borrowing Unib's body was explore the fortress. She had already seen the caverns and lower stairs on her way up. She walked up past the bedroom level, including her own bedroom. Then she walked past the the statue of the founding of the fortress, inspired by a particularly patriotic one of her brethren. She walked the workshop level, raising a eyebrow at some of the engravings. Why are there so many images of the founding of the fortress? And why are there so many images of dragons killing people? She walked up even more stairs, past the farms and a few stockpiles, until she reached the surface. She looked around at the multicolored walls, the tower of no apparent purpose, the surface workshops, the massive refuse stockpile, the trade depot, and finally the traps and barracks. She went down below the barracks to get her axe - she could sense where it was at all times, almost as if it were a part of her. When she came out, several of the militia gave her a funny look, but they figured it was hers to do with what she wished - she was the one who made it, after all.

[MDFification]

Letter from Gnora to Brother Cornelius
Sunberries
--
Dear Padre,

I understand that you're a hard-worker; you're our priest and doctor, after all. But I also understand that you have yourself a bit of a drinking problem. I came to this here fortress fixing to grow crops like our ancestors and that does not include sunberries. If you keep trying to import our crops, ever'one's going to get hooked, and we're never going to stop buying them from those humans and elves.

I reckon that you simply don't understand the effect that this will have, so I'm going to make my this little bit of advice clear: don't plant us those foreign plants.

Sincerely,
Miss Gnora

Letter from Cptn. Vlad to Gnora (scribed, edited, translated and washed)

---

Stupid plant-wench,
Are you tellingk me that you vant all the good booze gotten rid of? Brother Cornelius fainted vhen he received your message, either from shock or from havingk gotten so used to the piss your brew that real alcohol vas too much for his system. Ruined a good prayer session, and Thane started cryingk right about then, vhich I assume were tears of rage over your boorishness.
I am a tolerant dwarf but this is one step too far, farm-girl. Your actions and poor brewing skills constitute a threat to the mental well-being and morale of the militia, vhich you may recalls is vhat keeps goblins from fertilizingk your garden vith a combination of excrement and the entrails of your fellow citizens. If continued provocations occur, I vill be cuttingk you.

And stop spitting in my booze, ungrateful woman;
~Cptn. Vladimir Uristovitch, Demongate Militia

[Gnorm]

MDF, that was perhaps the most amusing thing that I have read in quite a while. I'll have a response letter soon.

[Deus Asmoth]

Surely if we were growing the crops ourselves, there's be no reason to keep importing them from other people?

Thane's Journal.

Vlad and Gnora had a massive fight during the 'prayer session'. Again. Apparently it was something to do with him reading her private letters or something similar, her accent gets kind of hard to understand when she's shouting. I'm nearly certain that a yee-haw worked its way in there at one point, though that may have been a badly timed joke by Vlad. I've been trying not to take sides when they get like this, but it's getting harder to stay on good terms with both of them when they're in the room together. I hit some things with my hammer to work off my frustration, but I doubt that's a healthy solution. Hope I didn't damage anything important.

[Gnorm]

Surely if we were growing the crops ourselves, there's be no reason to keep importing them from other people?

Thane's Journal.

Vlad and Gnora had a massive fight during the 'prayer session'. Again. Apparently it was something to do with him reading her private letters or something similar, her accent gets kind of hard to understand when she's shouting. I'm nearly certain that a yee-haw worked its way in there at one point, though that may have been a badly timed joke by Vlad. I've been trying not to take sides when they get like this, but it's getting harder to stay on good terms with both of them when they're in the room together. I hit some things with my hammer to work off my frustration, but I doubt that's a healthy solution. Hope I didn't damage anything important.

We have to import the crops to start planting them, and that will make our appetite for imported foods grow! Grow to unimaginable heights!

Also, "yee-haw" seems a tad off from my intended dialect for her, though I suppose it would be an expected mockery from Vlad.

[MDFification]

MDF, that was perhaps the most amusing thing that I have read in quite a while. I'll have a response letter soon.

Thanks. I look forward to it.

[TheFlame52]

Thane's Journal.

I hit some things with my hammer to work off my frustration, but I doubt that's a healthy solution. Hope I didn't damage anything important.

An engraving on Flame/Unib's bedroom wall

Someone hit me on the head with a hammer today. It really hurt, but it seems to just be a really bad bruise. I'm sure the person who did it didn't mean it.

EDIT: OOC: Can you put Flame in her own squad with the only part of the uniform her axe, so she carries it around?

[danmanthedog]

"You know my clan did only drink the spirits of sun plants, which in my eyes a better taste then plump helmets *Cough Cough* Also did you get my message about wanting to start a crossbow squad."

[Deus Asmoth]

There's already two crossbow squads. Presumably, you're saying this to Gnora, but it seems a bit of a random thing to just walk up to someone and say.