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[Anvilfolk]

People's responses have already been amazing, but I just thought I'd point everyone that's posted here to the link in my sig. Whether you're feeling shit and need a few hours with your mind off of things, or you just made someone smile, go grab a game from the list if you want <3

Best wishes to everyone in this thread (and in particular the OP). Hugs, all.

[TheFish]

Man, that is brutal. But whatever you might think of yourself, you were his go-to guy when things were going wrong, and that's awesome. That's a huge privilege, and if I could make you feel anything I'd try to make you feel honoured for that.

You say you try to keep people out of your life. My advice? Fuck that. Make a point of doing something nice for someone. You don't have to be Mr Dependable or anything else. Just look for a chance to make someone's life suck a little less. Hold the door, let 'em cut in the queue, smile at the girl on the cash register, stuff like that. It helps. When your demons are whispering in your ear what a fuck-up you are (and trust me, I know about that) you remember the last small but kind thing you did, and you think "Sure, maybe I'm a fuckup, but I made someone smile today."

And, what moogie said.

Thanks man, That's going to be the plan now. I got my life to a point where I was satisfied I wasn't a total waste of oxygen but I was surly, rude and otherwise anti social, If I talked to anyone at all. I plan to change that. I realise I don't have to change the world to be decent, so long as I brighten up the day of a stranger. I plan to do real good works further down the line with volunteering and running for charity but for now I'm content with random acts of kindness.

People's responses have already been amazing, but I just thought I'd point everyone that's posted here to the link in my sig. Whether you're feeling shit and need a few hours with your mind off of things, or you just made someone smile, go grab a game from the list if you want <3

Best wishes to everyone in this thread (and in particular the OP). Hugs, all.

It's great what you guys are doing in that thread and I encourage those who've helped me to head over there.

Again thanks to all who've posted, I'd have been lost without you. I feel that may be weird of me to say of an internet community but I guess that's why they call it a community. I never really appreciated the true meaning of the word until now.

Stay safe.

[Tiruin]

Again thanks to all who've posted, I'd have been lost without you. I feel that may be weird of me to say of an internet community but I guess that's why they call it a community. I never really appreciated the true meaning of the word until now.

It's more of the essence of the term rather than the objective form of the term itself. Too general.

Hoping you're doing well there, Fish.

[TheFish]

It's more of the essence of the term rather than the objective form of the term itself. Too general.

Whatever you want to call it, it means the world to me. If not for the kind and compassionate members of this board I don't think I'd be here now. You've got that to be proud of (depending if I'm worth saving or not)

And I'm doing ok I guess, I still have moments but I also have goals to keep me going forward. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do the things I want to do but I'm going to give it my best and maybe when it comes down to it trying your best might be enough. My main problem at the moment is it's been made perfectly clear that I'm not welcome at his funeral. It's funny really, I've served my time and changed for the better but they still treat me like the scumbag I was. No matter though, I'll manage.

[TheFish]

I just wanted to post a little update because I have good news and nobody to share it with, my other cousin who I grew up with is getting married next year and has asked me to be his best man which was a surprise considering when I was at my worst I beat the shit out of him more than once. I've tried to tell him that I'm not best of anything least of all men but he's insisting there's no better man for the job so that makes me feel good for a change. He has considered me to be his best friend since we were tiny and still does despite everything. Maybe I'm not the lost cause I've been thinking I am.

I recently started a YouTube Let's play channel and since some of my fondest memories of my deceased cousin come from when I was playing through Portal the first time when he was a kid I decided to play it again, and upload it to YouTube in his memory. It doesn't really feel like it's even close to suitable but it's the best thing I can do right now so it'll have to do. Also the LP got weird early on and I don't know if he'd approve, I'd like to think it would amuse him though.

Anyway this is longer than I was planning so I'll catch you all later.

Stay safe.

Fish