You all start with 5 loonies.
Name: Canada Ann (also known as Ms. Finch)
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Appearance: tall, dark, gruesome and beefy, with severe features, small eyes, large nose and thin lips, and long, luxurious blond hair. Dresses in a very fashionable, feminine manner, with a different outfit every day.
Personal information: Canada Ann is named such because of a rather embarrassing incident where managed to forget every word of 'O Canada' apart from the two words everyone knows, and had to make up lyrics on the spot, which resulted in more repetitions of the word 'Canada' within a single minute than are strictly recommended by medical professionals. Nobody was hurt, fortunately, but Canada Ann never managed to get rid of her nickname.
Job: music teacher at high school, moonlights as a dance instructor.
Favourite NHL team: Montreal Maroons
Check the available food. Has anything changed since the last time I've been here?
There is coffee, hot chocolate, donuts, timbits, muffins, bagels, sandwiches, chilli, and soup on the menu. The server is also offering poutine under the counter, for a price. Or so you've heard.
Tim Hortons is is having its annual "roll up the rim to win" contest.
Name: Freddy Tabernacle
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Appearance: Good beard. Beady eyes. Multi-directional hair. Fingers that feel like living squid flesh. Ever so slightly French-looking.
Personal information: A quarter Quebecois - but 100% Canadian. That makes 125% Canadian! Works as a professional woodwork teacher so that he can legally carry an axe around minors.
Job: Professional woodwork teacher at a high school, but he part-times as a lumberjack at weekends as his patriotic duty (and also just a teeny bit to be like his dear papa).
Favourite NHL team: Er... Toronto Mapleleafs? That probably exists, right?
Chop a table up with my axe as a statement of my rugged canadianness in case we need firewood - it's cold outside.
[3]
You underwhelmingly strike the table with your axe, creating a noticeable split. It will take a few more hits like that to be usable as firewood though.
Name: Not important, eh?
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Appearance: Expensive moose fur coat, fedora with ear flaps, snow boots, ice pick.
Personal information: That's confidential. Sorry.
Job: Canadian Mafioso
Favourite NHL team: Moose.
Check supply of maple vodka.
[6]
You have an entire keg of maple vodka...in your car outside.
Name: Stereotipicale Canadiane
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Appearance: Big bushy beard, Moose fur beanie hat with flaps, moose fur snow boots, moose fur jeans, moose fur underwear and socks, lumberjack axe, moose fur jacket.
Personal information: Stereotipicalecalls himself that because he is a completely stereotipical canadian. He wears Moose fur clothing because he hates them, since a sentient Moose killed his parents when he was 10 years old.
Job: Lumberjack, Profesional Moose Hunter
Favourite NHL team: He doesn't have one.
You call the Canadian Mafia on your state of the art Nokia 3310.
"Are there any moose that need killing?"
[3]
"Sorry, there are no moose that need killing. There is one deer who knows too much though."
You order a maple syrup soup. It costs 1 toonie, leaving you with 3 loonies.
Name: Hat
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Appearance: Pretty average, except his face has a map of North America tattooed on it.
Personal Information: He was named Hat by an American while touring the US, and it stuck.
Job: Being an entire countries hat.
Favourite NHL Team: The Hats.
Make sure the map is all lined up correctly.
[1]
This isn't a map of North america at all. This is a map of Australia!
You do a handstand.
Aha! Je vais vous forcer à lire en français!
Name: Jean-Paul
Age: 33
Gender: Homme
Appearance: Maigre, avec une énorme moustache
Personal information: Un misanthrope qui déteste son travail
Job: Naturellement, il travaille comme bûcheron
Favourite NHL team: dissoute en 2007
Insulter la serveuse.
[4]
"Tu est gross et laide"
She smiles and replies "Voulez-vous acheter quelque chose?"
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Topic: Roll to Canadia: -30° kelvin (Read 11250 times)