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Aircraft Carriers

[Blaze]

Glad to see you're recovering from your endless toil.

Hah! I have not yet begun to struggle! In a week or so I'll be called back to my parent's home and be there for two weeks.

Anywho, entries are:
Shadowlord: The Victoria Collection
Ispil: CKII Way of Life DLC
Sheb: CKII Charlemagne DLC
Sirus: Dragon Ball Xenoverse

[Sinistar]

I'll sneak in application for Solar War, seeing there are still free slots.

[Mapleguy555]

I will again struggle for RUNNING WITH RIFLES, on Steam for $14.99.

[Blaze]

Now, I spent a lot of time on this update (Though I wasn't able to complete Pt3), so I'll minimize this roll post.

Also, I had an internet issue and wasn't able to begin this weeks giveaway, so last week's giveaway will have two winners:

Mapleguy555 rolled 1d20 → [5] = (5)
Sinistar rolled 1d20 → [19] = (19)
Shadowlord rolled 1d20 → [6] = (6)
Ispil rolled 1d20 → [18] = (18)
Sheb rolled 1d20 → [6] = (6)
Sirus rolled 1d20 → [17] = (17)

Ispil($8) and Sinistar($20) are the winners!
Please PM me your email to receive your prizes.

Current Budget: $43.25

Spoiler: Being Mafuyu is Suffering Pt 1 (click to show/hide)

: Ah!
: Wha- What was that? A dream?

"mmm..."

: (Ah, everyone's stil sleeping. I have to keep my voice down.)

: Big sister...
: (We're only a few years apart, but my older sisters have always been so far ahead of me.)
: (And ever since I came here all I've done is be helpless and make a fool of myself...)
: (I can't keep being a burden on her; the "I'm the youngest sister" excuse can only go so far...)

"Chibiten... It's... okay..."

: Huh?!
: (Ah, she's still sleeping...)
: (Is she dreaming about me?)
: (Thank you for caring so much about this useless sister of yours.)
: (I wonder what she's dreaming about.)

"PUNISHMENT TIME"

: *Internalized screaming*

: (No matter how you look at it, they're still just children...)
: (Has the situation gotten so bad that they're sending children into combat?)
: (But what can someone like me do? I'm just so useless.)
: (Stop it! Don't think like that! If kids can fight, so can you!)

"mm.... Mafuyu....Onee-san..."

: (Ah, are they dreaming abou-)

"PUNISHMENT TIME"

: *Internalized screaming intensifies*

Later...

: I can't sleep...

*beep beep*

: Ah! Hello?! Hello?
: We're through! It worked!
: Of course it did. And this is why you listen to the Linux user.
: Yes, you've already made that quite clear the last dozen times you've said it.
: Are you ever going to let this go?
: Never.
: That's enough.
: I'm so glad you're all alright! When we were cut off so suddenly I was so worried...
: I'm glad to see you pulled through that in one piece as well. I'd go over what happened, but I think we've had enough of that. Let's just say technology does not necessarily make things easier.
: Well Y'know, if you had just listened to me when-
: We get it Bobby.
: If you could just swap over to internal comms. It's late and we don't want to wake the others.
: Internal comms?
: Just focus on it, you can turn it off and on at will.
: (Testing... Testing... Is this working?)
: Perfectly.
: (Couldn't we have done this earlier?)
: Not quite, we just installed the Military Comm Unit. Broadband Broadcasting, you see. x2
: We've been burning the night oil to get all these new additions.
: As if anyone could sleep after hearing "that".
: Don't remind me. It was like the wailing of a thousand tormented cats.
: I was somewhat reminded of an ancient song relating to the eternal despair of souls long forgotten.
: It reminds me of that one time Golden Gate wanted me to test out some new spices. I don't know what it was, but it was singing along with the radio.
: Well I did tell you to use no more than a pinch.
: A cantankerous cacophony! Utterly ghastly! x2
: I dunno, it sounded a bit like a girl that just found out she had come from one horrible experience only to find that her saviors are just as bad, if not worse.
: In any case, we've been poring over the latest additions to our systems. I believe Bluebell and Lawless needed to speak with you about that.
: By the way, a little heads up before you start dumping things into the cargo holds would really be appreciated.
: (Okay?)
: I think we've finally managed to identify the parts that we've found!
: Really now? Please do tell.
: Well, you see. This thing. Yes. The thing. This is uh...
: A Ringamathinger! Yes! That's what it is.
: And? What does it do?
: It uh... Well let's move on to the next thing!
: This is uh... A Tubeamabob! And this thing here is a Rackamatizer!
: And these are blueprints, yes!
: Blueprints to what? Do tell.
: Uh... Well... If you look at the contour here, and the shape and comments here it's obvious that it's... that it's uh...
: It's a pOnOs.
: Bobby! x2
: No, seriously. Look, if you hold it up like this and then think of this part as "that part".
: Oh... Yeah, I can see what you're getting at...
: While we're asking the expert, would you kindly lend us your insight into this blueprint?
: It's a pOnOs with loads of smaller pOnOses inside. pOnOsception.
: Ah, of course, just what were we thinking?
: Well... I can sorta see it...
: Okay! Okay! I admit it! I have no idea what these things are!
: I've seen all sorts of parts and tech, but nothing like this.
: Professor?
: It's just as she says. Whatever these things are, I've never encountered anything like them with all my experience with shipgirl technology.
: Is any of it usable?
: Usable? Probably. As for what it's used for? I know about as much as when I started examining them.
: So in other words, they're glorified paperweights.
: We tried to reverse-engineer them, but that nearly sent a quarter of the tech team into the medical wing.
: Dangerous glorified paperweights. x2
: So the question is: where did you get these?
: (I... My sister gave them to me...)
: (My head... hurts...)
: Enough. There's nothing to be gained by burning ourselves out on this. Put it aside for now and we'll get back to it after a good night's rest.

*Obtained Ringamathinger*
*Obtained Tubeamabob*
*Obtained Rackamatizer*
*Obtained Blueprint: pOnOs*
*Obtained Blueprint: pOnOsception*

: Are we seriously calling it "pOnOsception"?
: What about "Wienermaniener?
: On second thought, "pOnOsception" is fine.




: T-Bone, Ironsides, I'll need your reports before your next dive.
: (Dive?)
: I can explain that. When Shipgirls come hot out of conversion, there tends to be baggage leftover in the holds, we go in, gather anything useful and clear out the rest.
: Since we're on the subject, you may as well give a quick recap here.
: First there was the food, lots of fruit and tofu for some reason. A fad diet maybe?
: That's no good! The only thing fad diets slim is your wallet! x2
: After the hot tubs, there was a hold filled with heaps of crates labelled "Hull-grade steel".
: "Hull-grade steel" my aft. I took a look at it; it's just painted cardboard.
: A second, similar hold was filled with crates labeled "weapons".
: They were filled with flashlights.
: Oh, and I found this hat.
: Tch, some guys get all the luck.
: Was that all?
: All? I don't think we've even scratched the surface!  I've never seen cargo holds that were so cavernous.
: (Waaaaah!)
: Wait, what happened to all the volatile radioactives we found?
: The colonel hogged it all to power his coffee machine.
: You're using twelve TONS of radioactives to make coffee?
: It's just not a proper cup of coffee if you can't tell the difference between drinking it or having your face shoved into the afterbirth of a newborn sun.
: (You mentioned squads, are there's more of you?)
: Well of course, aside from us, there are the pilots, reserve pilots, crew, mechanics, medical personnel, even marines. All manner of personnel required to run a ship of this size.
: (How many of you are there?)
: We have 400 pilots and then there's reserve pilots,about 500 marines, and a multitude of others. I'd say there are a bit more than 2,000 of us.
: (Two-Thou-)
: You'll have to understand the sheer amount of hardware here necessitates the quantity of personnel. We're working under skeleton crew conditions as it is.
: (But... I don't feel any heavier...)
: You'll lose if you think too hard. The short version is that you won't feel the displaced mass.
: (But...)
: Becoming a shipgirl means there's an expected increase in mass, but it's not noticeable. x2
: (Oh thank goodness, I was on a diet, and it somehow managed to end up like this an-)
: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait... You ended up as a shipgirl because you were on a diet?
: (It's a long story... How much is the difference?)
: ...
: ...
: ...
: (What?)
:  (Should we tell her?)
: (You've seen how sensitive she is about her weight!)
:  (Plan B! Fake it out!) x2
: *Yawn* Oh wow, is it already this late?
:  Looks like it is, we should all head to bed now.
: Yes! Proper sleep is essential for your complexion! x2
: What's the matter? The Lady asked a simple question.
: I have the specifications are right here sir.
: You are on the larger end of the spectrum but it shouldn'- GREAT JAWS OF JAVA!
: (What? What is it?)
: (Unacceptable! These numbers are unacceptable!)
: (We tried to tell you!) x2
: (It's okay! If we take out the weight of the planes...)
: (Don't forget the ordnance! I'll total up the numbers!)
: (And the cargo! And the fuel!)
: (We don't have nearly enough information about the amount in the lower holds yet...)
: (The info on SAR teams' motorboats and autogyros... Where did I put ?!)
: (Leave out the stuff in the lower holds. Rather, the provisions for the crew are...)
: (If we disregard the additions of the flight decks and external fit-outs then...) x2
: (We need to figure out an average of the weight of each crew member...)
: (No need for that, I have the exact numbers right here.)
: (Why do-)
: ("You'll lose if you think too hard.")
: (What's everyone whispering about?)
: We'll have that number in just a moment!

*scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble scrabble*

: Okay I got it! The displacement of a Mafuyu-Class Aircraft Carrier while empty is...
: Is?
: (I can't do it! I just can't do it!)
: (Well someone has to do it!)
: (Notit.) x2
: (Not i- tch!)
: (Guywhobreaksthenewssayswhat.)
: (What?... Damnit!)
: (I can't do it. I uh... I have to take Ironsides to the medbay!)
: (But I don't need to go to the-)

*KER-POW!!!*

: (Welp, see you in a bit.)
: (I'll help!)
: (Disgraceful! Is there no man brave enough to carry out this task?!)
: (I'll do it!)
: (Is there no other man brave enough to carry out this task?!)
: (Don't look at me, I'm a doctor not a-)
: (I'm going to regret this, but here.)
: Lesse here, The displacement of an empty Mafuyu-class CV is 52,310 tons.
: ...
: She's taking this rather well.
: Y'see, this is why you should-
: (Let. It. Go. Bobby.)

creeeeeeak...

: Lady?

*CRASH!*

Whoaaaaah!
Hey! Who turned out the lights?!
Miss Zero! Damage report!



What was that?!
An enemy attack?!
Ah! Tatsuta-san! Mafuyu she- Mafuyu sank!
Chibiten? Chibiten?!

Spoiler: Being Mafuyu is Suffering Pt 2 (click to show/hide)

*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!*

: Waaaaaaaah!
: Good morning!
: Good Morning Mafuya-chan.
: Wha? Houshou-san? And?
: Mafuyu, this is our resident repair ship: Akashi.
: At your service!
: I apologize for the rude awakening, but you wouldn't wake up no matter what I did.
: You appeared to have fallen ill, so you were brought over for treatment.
: Me? Treatment?
: Ah! What time is it?
: It's currently 4AM. Tatsuta-san and the others have already left ahead of you.
: So early?!
: The fourth expeditionary fleet had to delay their previous task due to the scramble to help you. Thus they left to finish their task and file a new report.
: They'll return in due time. For now, you are left in my care.
: Then I'll be imposing on you again.
: Think nothing of it. Rather, you have someone else you should be thanking.
: Ah, Thank you... Akashi-san?
: I'm just doing my job. I'm a professional after all.
: You caused quite a shock, suddenly collapsing like that.
: "Shock" is putting it mildly. She was so pale when she came in I thought we had captured an abyssal ship.
: But you look fine now, so let me just run through the last few checks and I'll send you on your way.
: Very well. Unfortunately, I have other tasks to attend to. So Mafuyu, once you've finished here, I'll need you to head to the training grounds.
: The training grounds? But why?
: A continuation of yesterday's lesson. I heard that you were unable to complete it due to... extenuating circumstances.
: Thus, I will continue the lesson and be sure to teach you. Thoroughly.
: ...
: There's no need to be so apprehensive. It's just for some light training, it wouldn't do to wear you out this early in the day.
: May I also ask to see you there Akashi?
: Well... I'm free until the submarines comes back from their daily Orel Cruise; and I can't really refuse if it's Houshou-san asking.
: I'm indebted to you.
: Oh no, you've assisted me plenty of times, at least let me do this much.
: And Mafuyu's new clothing? Kiso will probably want her clothes back after all.
: Oh how could I have forgotten! I'll fetch them right now!
: And with that I'll take my leave. I'll meet you at the training grounds in a short while.
: Yes!

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

: Training with Houshou-san... Maybe I should've gone for the extra reinforcement...
: Hm?
: Nothing! Rather, here are your new clothes.
: They look exactly like my old ones!
: For shipgirl clothes, the most familiar ones are best.
: Then couldn't I have just used my own?
: Don't make light of my skills, I'm a professional. There are a lot of differences between these clothes and your regular ones.
: First off, these clothes are linked to your shipgirl systems. They allow enhance your natural abilities and will improve along with you. Your external fittings can be attached directly to the clothing as if it were your skin, and your foldable equipment can manifest through the clothing without any issues.
:  Second, through a combination a flexi-weave and armor-weaved material. It resists tearing and is strong enough to completely deflect small arms fire. Anything short of a 20mm won't even leave a scratch. And it does it all without restricting your movement at all.
: Next, in case something does manage to penetrate it, your body can cannibalize it to restore the damaged portion of your body. Furthermore, once your body naturally recovers, your clothes will also be restored. Those who have the knowledge can also triage and identify damage you have taken quickly by simply measuring the damage to them.
: Finally, the material is made "Smart". It hardens when hit with enough force but is soft and supple otherwise. It can resist and retain heat and moisture for maximum confort.
: Is it really okay for me to take something so amazing?
: All individual shipgirl clothes are personalized, they won't work for anyone else. So these are made for no one but you. I spent all night making it, so I'd be insulted if you didn't take it.
: Thank you! I'll treasure it!
: Haha! Praise me more!
: You stayed awake to make this for me? But you're still going to help Houshou-san at the training fields?
: Shipgirls require significantly less sleep than regular people. Due to our fairies managing our internals, our REM cycles are much more efficient. It's sort of a necessity for those long expeditions.
: Furthermore, I'm a support ship. One thing about us support ships is our endurance. We can't fight as well as frontline shipgirls, but we can toil for days without rest.
: Of course, going without rest still isn't good for us or our fairies, and it makes our maintenance tougher. But a day here or there won't disrupt you too much.
: Fairies...?
: Ah! My fairies!
: (Hello? Hello?!)
: What? What's the matter?
: I can't contact my fairies!
: Oh don't worry, Houshou-san is taking care of them, that's why she had to leave earlier.
: They're the ones who helped tow you here. Considering they're only about 10cm tall and you're a full-size carrier, it's no small feat.
: Thank goodness they're okay.
: You have a good crew. Your crew are your strength, so be sure to treat them well.
: I'll be sure to.
: Oh, before I forget, be aware of your outfit's limitations.
: First off, your clothing's protection is based on your own toughness. While Battleships and Heavy Cruisers can shrug off hits from things like 20cm guns and 53cm torpedoes. Shipgirls not meant for frontline combat like you and I would get shredded; so Leeroy Jenkin antics are a big no-no. Your clothing doesn't protect all areas evenly; your head for example. And as shells pierce your defenses, it starts to become less effective. So if you are forced to take a hit, try to spread it to another section.
:  Second, your clothing's repair capacity is limited to external damage. Internal damage is serious and you'll need to come back to base for repairs; and that still takes a lot of time and material. Without docking, your clothing can restore small bits of itself over time if you have the supplies, though it could take weeks and it can never restore itself completely; make sure to keep yourself well supplied.
: Third, There are weapons that can defeat your clothing's protection. High explosive? That's trouble. Armor Piercing? BIG trouble. High Explosive Armor Piercing? Ouch. And I know the rarer abyssal ships are sometimes equipped with degenerating AP shells for their monstrous 51cm guns, if one of those even grazes you you're finished.
: Lastly, a warning. While the outside of your clothing can repel water, the inside soaks it up like a sponge. Don't even think of going for a swim in them or anything; if you ever go under you'll sink like a rock. If you're in danger of getting capsized by a wave or something, throw it off. We can replace your clothing, we can't do the same for you.
: That's... a lot to take in.
: Well, in short, it doesn't make you invulnerable so don't throw caution to the wind or anything.
: Oh but look at me ramble, I'm sure you want to test out your new clothes!
: Yes!

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

: Akashi-san?
: Yes?
: Why are you stripping too?
: Well I did say I needed to do some final checks before I let you go right?
: But why are you stripping?
: My diagnostic tools are internal, and skin contact guarantees precise results.
: S-s-s-skin contact?!
: Oh don't mind, there's no need to worry. After all...

I'm a professional.










"Hm, your hair smells really nice; what shampoo do you use?"
"Just regular..."
"Oh Wow! Your skin is so smooth, so this is what it means to be a converted luxury cruise liner!"
"Please don't stroke it like that..."
"And look at these! Are you sure you weren't meant to be an oil tanker!"
"D-Don't Squee- Hya!"
"That's a good response, it's nice to be healthy..." *scribble scribble*
"Ah! Stop! Stahp!"
"I just need to check your internals, no need to struggle so much."
"Mhmm... Mhmm.." *scribble scribble*

: And done!
: ...
: Well that wasn't so bad was it?
: I can't be a bride anymore...
: C'mon now, let's not keep Houshou-san waiting any longer than she needs to.

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

: So? How is it?
: It's a little... tight...
: What? But I made it exactly to specs!
: Maybe you underwent a sudden sizable increase in capacity?
: Waaaaaaaaah!
: Oh well, we'll just have to make some adjustments.
: Is it really that simple?
: Technically no, but I'm a professional who's done this several times. Destroyers grow pretty quickly after all. Anyway, I'll just need you to sign this waiver.
: What's the waiver for?
: Y'know, standard military stuff.

*SLAM*

: Here it is!
: So many pages?!
: The higher ups are pretty thorough about this. Anyway, I'll need to fetch my equipment, it's over in the next room so just yell if you need help. I'll be back once you've signed it.
: "I, Print Name Here, of the, Insert Unit Here, currently stationed in, Insert Base Location Here, designation, Insert Designation Here, undersigned, Print Name Here, Hereby authorize the ,Insert Division Here, to begin procedure, Insert Procedure Here, on the oath of Insert Blood of Innocent Here..."
: What IS this?! I can't even begin to read it!

"I'm ready over here! Have you finished yet?"

: J-Just a minute!

"Just remember, Houshou-san is waiting! Houshou-san really doesn't like waiting!"

: Uh... Uh... Just sign somewhere! *Scribble* *Scribble* There! It's done!

Okay!




Aaaaaaaaaah!




"Now, as required by the contract, I'm required to inform you that some of the possible side effects of the procedure may include, but are not limited to: Weight gain, hair loss, fever, chills, nausea, chest pain, dizziness, frequent or painful urination, coughing up mucus, sudden drop of blood pressure, numbness in extremities, disappearance of certain internal organs, and constipation."




Wait! I'm not prepared for-





Bloodletter Squad! Initiate high-speed reconstruction!








GRINDCRUNCHCRASHSLAMCLANGPOWSMACKWHIRRVRROOOOMBANG!!!









There was lots of remodeling afterwards.

[Nighthawk]

That... was... glorious.

"It's just not a proper cup of coffee if you can't tell the difference between drinking it or having your face shoved into the afterbirth of a newborn sun."
One of the best quotes I've ever read.

Also, "Don't look at me, I'm a doctor not a-"
A Star-Trek reference. Beautiful.

This post took the cake and ate it too and I'm not even worried about the weight gain because I probably burned a thousand calories laughing.
Best story update yet.

[Sirus]

That... was... glorious.

THIS

I'm curious, as someone who knows nothing about this Kancolle thing: how much of all that technodump up there is canon, and how much is Blaze inventing for the sake of the story? I mean, do they really sink like stones if their clothes get wet? Do they really have fairies inside them? And so on and so forth.

[Mapleguy555]

I think the clothes thing is a reference to the fact that they are ships, and ships sink if they get leaks.

[Blaze]

The Kancolle game says the following in terms of canon:
1. Shipgirls are girls that are also WII warships.

Then there are things that I draw from the gameplay.
1. Fairies make things work. (Equipment artwork all have at least 1 fairy.)
2. Shipgirls sink when they are sunk (HP reaches 0).
3. Shipgirls need to be resupplied or suffer penalties.
4. Shipgirls can be deployed back to back (Finished with an 48 hour expedition? Send them right back. Morale will suffer though, increasing the need for resupply.).
5. Docking ships repairs faster them, but takes time and supplies.
6. Shipgirls sink in some manner as they lose their clothing (Damage artwork all uses damaged clothing, though some more than others.)

Everything else I make up.

[IronyOwl]

Hehehehehe. Can't wait for Part Three. :3

*Obtained Blueprint: pOnOsception*

I shall henceforth be referring to this as the Trilliondicks.

daily Orel Cruise

...

[Blaze]

Hm, It's been 3 days and I haven't received the winner PM's. Just a reminder.

[Shadowlord]

Awesome update.

[n9103]

I'm one of those that are following and haven't played or investigated "KanColle", and thus, I'm all but completely lost.

It. Is. Glorious.

[Blaze]

Monday. Go.

Also, Sinistar hasn't sent me a reply.

[Shadowlord]

Valkyria Chronicles on Steam, which will be $19.99 in ~4 hours when the 50% off sale ends.

[Sirus]

Homeworld Remastered Collection on Steam. Will be $29.74 until near the end of February.