I've found it's not so much the being good at something as it is doing something you're proud of. I used to be good at studying, then I came to grad school and now I suck really badly. So I've found other things I can do that keep my morale up, because I'm happy I'm doing them.
Find an activity you really like and a way to share it with people. For me, that's been boardgames or parkour. I'm not good at parkour by any stretch of the imagination, but the fact that there's a group that I interact with a few times a week keeps me going. It's also highly non-competitive and cooperative, and even though I'm pretty terrible at most things since I haven't worked out for 10 years, people encourage you and make you feel good about you achieving your own personal goals.
Then all of a sudden you realise it's become part of your routine, and it's easy to do it regularly. And then you find yourself getting a little better, and thrive on that improvement. And somehow, you're happier!
There are lots of things I enjoy doing, and with other people, but I want to be GOOD at something. In a sense, I've been trying to do that for years with art (which has admittedly improved), but I just feel like a shell. I'm really just going through the motions of life it feels like, and I think that if I can devote myself to something/stuff that will go away. The problem is, I don't feel like I have time, or maybe that it's even worth it. I'm 17, and you might say "Well, you've got your whole life ahead of you." but I've already been through the personality/sports/goodatstuff crucible and I didn't like what came out. So you see, to me, I'm stuck on an island in an ocean full of what appear to be un-navigable currents.
... On top of those factors, in the latest generation of my family (descending from my Grandfather) i'm the only child who has a chance at real success in life. I think it's expected of me, I know it would break a lot of hearts if I just fucked it all up like some of my relatives. I like engineering, and it makes me happy to do it, to figure out problems, but it doesn't feel like it's what i'm supposed to be doing. Maybe that's naive. I want to spend my life doing what I want to do, and maybe that's naive too, but I just feel like there's something more out there for me. Problem is, I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to go find it. In response to multiple responders, who I appreciate and thank greatly for your replies, I don't know HOW to take risk, i've never really taken any. It's hard enough for me to just sled down a hill a couple of times, let alone dance, or even really express myself sometimes.
I'm including this whole "aversion to risk" thing, because I was never athletic, although I often time wanted to be, and recently I want to maybe be GOOD at something physical... I don't really know. I think it might really boil to down to cowardice in the end D:
This is a
problem, and I'm sad to say that it's one of the few I can't even think of a BAD solution to.
EDIT: I might as well respond to specifc posts.
As far as I can tell, things seem to be going reasonably well for you but are measuring your life against some standard you haven't actually defined.
My standard? I don't have any, all I see is that other people are better than me at... well everything. That isn't ok. Now I don't have to be an amazing genius who can do everything and anything, but I want something that I can call mine and see that it's better than someone else's.
You have two conflicting questions.
Is it possible to not be good at anything whatsoever?
Yes. But you wouldn't have made the thread if that were your question. You lied in the title. Hint hint hint.
Is it even worth living if there's no excitement to be had or legacy to leave behind?
We can help you feel better about mediocre, but that's destructive. Making this thread in the first place is destructive to you. Seriously.
If your problem is that you're mediocre at things, feeling better about being mediocre will only serve the status quo. I had a similar thread earlier, but it was about not being able to meet expectations. Once you've decided on what you expect of yourself, put in the work and get there. It requires long, boring practice which you will hate because you must change to get better. People hate changing.
I know some people reading this might say, "well just do it!" But I don't know what that is, I can't comprehend that feeling actually. I dont think i've done some spontaneous, or exciting, or something I didn't overthink in my life before.
"Well just do it" isn't a feeling. It's a command. If "just do it" was a feeling you get, you'd be doing it. When people tell you to shut up/practice/get better, what they're saying is put in the boring work. It's never spontaneous.
A sad fact of life is that most of the time you aren't going to be happy or sad or inspired or etc. "Just do it" means accept the boring moments. Play piano or draw even though you don't feel anything. Even though it doesn't make you feel anything. The popular image of a writer or starving artist is romanticized bullshit. The people who are really good at what they do looked at what they needed to do and did it.
So instead of asking, "is life worth living if I'm bad at things?" come up with something you specifically want to get better at and come back when you're stumped on how to progress. Only this will make you better.
You got me and point one. It IS possible to not be "Good" at anything, I don't know if it's me, but I have a strong suspicion it is.
Again, yea, it takes a lot of work to be good at something, not always enjoyable. I HAVE worked that hard before, but... I don't always work as hard as I can. Sometimes, something I want to do, something i'm WORKING for, I just... lose emotion, lose the will to do it. I always think: "Is this worth it?" or "Why am I doing this?" sometimes the answer is yes/important reasons, but I can't always seem to continue on.
Finally Like I said, I don't know how to "Just do it"
... Not that I haven't just done it, but it's not something I can just call up on demand. Or use at will.
People always congratulate me for doing well in school and making honors, etc. etc. and getting in to university (going to UMiami for enginnering), but honestly I feel like I really don't deserve any of it or that I really am that "good".
if your getting honors you must be good at something. Also if your doing engineering that means your probably a hard worker and ready to learn as that is a very challenging course.
and a good work ethic is worth a hell of a lot more than natural talent.
So what if you aren't that good at guitar or art i mean your just doing them to enjoy them so does it matter how good you are at them?
it is not like you plan to make a living from them, so just enjoy them no matter how good you are.
you will have other talents as well i mean think about it how many things it possible to do in this world.
now imagine that colossal number of possible activities lets say 100 000 000 000 what are the odds you suck at each one?
i mean for all we know you could have the required skill set for some form of international bounty hunter specializing in pygmy or a knack for clog making.
i mean the likelihood of you not being good at anything are so remote are so remote that if you truly are talentless your about as improbable as a dog that speaks Norwegian and are proof of a rather cruel and vindictive deity.
my point is your good at a but tone of stuff and just don't know it
Honors, not impressive. Almost 65% of my class recieves honors every semester, it's not a goal or anything, it's just something I expect. Anyways, honestly I don't feel good about doing things I'm not good at... I start to enjoy them, get into them, and then I look around and I realize just how bad I am at something... and that puts me off. It's also true, the odds of my being bad at every, single, possible thing are slim, but like I said earlier, I don't know how to go out and find what I'm good at. thanks though, for trying to make me feel better.
Making this thread in the first place is destructive to you. Seriously.
Not entirely. It has therapeutic use, and i know from my very close brushes with depression that getting your feelings out on the table helps clear your mind of them, which in turn allows you to actually think at the matters at hand instead of moping. Being able to focus on your goal instead of the obstacles is a TREMENDOUS help when it comes to doing things.
Also, you know that thing about "just do things", Scoopbeard? It's really quite simple, you can overthink things as much as you want, find as many theoretical consequences as you want... But regardless of all possible consequences, pick up your arse and get going. That's really all there is to it. Thump your chest, roar ferociously and and LEEROY JENKINS your way through all your meticulously thought out disaster scenarios, because they will cower in fear under your intensity.
Thanks Shook, I'll try but... that's strange to me.
I think after answering those, that a huge part of my problem is that I DO care what other people think of me. Don't say you shouldn't, because deep down we all do, but I mean it bothers me when people don't like me, or things along those lines. In fact, some of the greatest months i've lived on this planet, were during the summer where I was left alone for 8+ hours of the day, I worked out everyday, I wasn't depressed, it was... great. Only problem was, there wasn't anyone around to share my achievements with.
... I don't know what's wrong with me. I can always find something about me to hate.
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Topic: Retitled: How to do stuff? & General Depression (Read 1650 times)