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Misty Kolnazom, the Greatest Cheesemaker Ever!

Reg Pashmad the Recruit

Gruzzlus Holt the Captain

Plumpy the Plump Helmet Man

Kulet Lokunnomel the Nun

Enir Twigappears the Overseer

Darkerdaffodil the Elf

Maynard the Mule

Other

Iron Owl the Iron Knight

[Ancalagon_TB]

You know, I hate to say it, but a tyromancer sounds to me like a basement-bargain type of wizard...

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the realm?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  Go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"Granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"Yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"Oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"And?"
"Yes sire?"
"What kind of magic does he-"
"She sire"
"She use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy!?"
"Yes sire"
"And what kind of magic is that, Bob McLackey?"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"Cheese?"
"Most definitely sire"
"So we have a cheese wizard?"
"Apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath.

(edits: typos, grammar, slight clean up)

[Aslandus]

The irony is that having nonperishing food you can magically conjure would actually be a big boon in the pre-refrigeration days. Sure you can't set things on fire, but you can send a big army that won't starve on the way to the enemy...

[wierd]

Unless the soldiers are lactose intolerant, or havent gotten enough fiber.

Either way, it's a painfully shitty way to go.

But I can see it now--

"Quick! cast a fireball on him or something!"
"I'm not that kind of wizard!"
"It's an ice demon! Cant you do SOMETHING to it to make it melt!?"
"Well, I SUPPOSE I could conjure some hot fondue..."
"WELL DO IT THEN!"
"What nonsense! We havent got any bread!"

[Dwarf4Explosives]

You could probably encase your enemies in cheese. Cryomancy has nothing on tyromancy. And you can probably cause your enemies internals to turn to cheese if you're a tyromancer.

[Tirion]

Milk Guy from Misfits comes to mind.

[expwnent]

If he's using cheese to see the future, then he's certainly a tyromancer, but if he's doing nefarious things with cheese or raising dead cheese or whatever then he's a necrocheeser.

[Max™]

In a time before time the god of uh.... herb and munchies was like "duuuude, I didn't know earthworm fiends made milk", and after a really unfortunate interaction which required a binding ritual (since they in fact do not produce milk) he produced a slab of earthworm-fiend-cheese. As said fiend would never be able to show their uh... face... around the underworld again after what took place, it decided to thrust a spire of solid parmesan up into the overworld, that it may better sow uh... confusion and awkwardness across the world.

After the Cheese, this is a brie-bound book, the writing concerns the secrets of life and cheese, it kinda smells funny.

[wierd]

THIS suddenly comes to mind...

[Julien Brightside]

You know, I hate to say it, but a tyromancer to me sounds like a basement-bargain type of wizard to me...

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the area?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"and?"
"yes sire?"
"what kind of magic does he"
"she sire"
"she use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy?"
"yes sire"
"and what kind of magic is that Bob McLackey"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"cheese?"
"most definitely sire"
"so we have a cheese wizard?"
"apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath

This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

[Rexfelum]

I was away for awhile and came back to more updates than I could read in one sitting.  Wow.

Everything that happened in those updates caused further "wow."  This is awesome.  Yeah, I caught that puzzlebox transfer and was going to comment on it if no one else did.  Also I note that cavern 3 has been breached and contains "danger."

I guess . . . Misty: develop a traumatic aversion to apples as you haul away Darkerdaffodil.

Which is basically the third suggestion so far that has anything to do with Misty.

--Rexfelum

[Ancalagon_TB]

This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there

[laxori666]

"Bob Mclackey, have you hired a magic user for me as I ordered you to?"
"Yes, oh great Baron Rupert the Frugal ... mostly..."
"Mostly?!"
"Well yes, your highness.  As you recall you strictly limited to a 300 copper piece budget..."
"Yes, a small fortune, but well worth it to have magic on our side!"
"So ... erm... the pyromancer didn't want to work for that kind of money.  Neither did the transmuter"
"What?!? Those greedy fools!  But surely there are more than 2 magic users in the area?"
"Yes sire.  But the druid wouldn't work with the nobility, and the clerics consider you impious"
"Those stuffy, arrogant swines!  go on now"
"And as your majesty must concede, it wouldn't be proper to consort with a necromancer or a witch"
"granted"
"The abjurer left town, the diviner said it would end poorly and the alchemist accidentally blew himself up three weeks ago... so..."
"yes? You did get someone?  Surely not a warlock"
"oh no sire, definitely not a warlock!  And yes I did find a magic user willing to work for your price"
"and?"
"yes sire?"
"what kind of magic does he"
"she sire"
"she use?"
"Tyromancy sire"
"Tyromancy?"
"yes sire"
"and what kind of magic is that Bob McLackey"
"I believe it has to do with cheese sire"
"cheese?"
"most definitely sire"
"so we have a cheese wizard?"
"apparently so sire"
"... it will do".

And so Baron Rupert the Frugal, who never spent a gold crown when a copper would do, hired the greatest tyromancer of the land, and his enemies quivered in fear at the thought of meeting his cheesy wrath

+1 well done! I strongly encourage you to continue writing humorous things =).

[Dwarfy]

This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there

I recomend spinoff. Potentially novel-length. I would seriously read the hell out of a book like that.

[Iminyourhouse]

This scene makes me think of Monthy Python meeting Terry pratchett.

Why thank you, that's sort of what I was going for there

I recomend spinoff. Potentially novel-length. I would seriously read the hell out of a book like that.

AODF are at work.

[evictedSaint]

Okay.  Okay maybe, maybe you'll just sit here for a while. 

Just a little while.

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