You see what you've done, Helgoland? We were safe, but you couldn't just leave the Orks alone. You had to fight them after they were dealt with, and risked rolling a 1 and releasing them. And it happened. If the Raptor empire survives this, you're getting a politically immobile sinecure.
DRUNK MAGIC
[2]
Nope.
Lolfail and Cyrydiad: Get the everloving fuck out of there.
((Magic, not tech! Hoorah!))
[5]
Operation Sir Robin is a success.
'Wait what?'
[4]
I'll have you know I was offered the position both times.
Nah, just joking, lol. Need anythang to do?What, a regular success fails the main action? Practise juggling with the potatoes.
EDIT: Woah, just realized that all technology is gone. Luckily I don't rely on it.
[2]
You fail at juggling forever.
Fight like a raptor, sting like a raptor wielding a comically oversized hypodermic needle.
[1]
No needle. Titties.
Realize hobos make terrible soldiers and go in myself, my self-shaped banner flapping in the wind. Check the rule card to find out what special attacks are available at my level.
[5]
See previous exposition.
Continue trying to make contracts in between killing.
[4]
helpless minions yay
Lead chaos to another helpless universe. Or follow chaos to one.
[1]
Chaos explodes your ship. You're stranded on some random-ass planet.
Go through the reality rip!
[6]
You are dismembered by the Warp. Woot.
Be mysterious.
[5]
*ominous music plays as you enter rooms
Create a weapon using the nanoforge
[1]
Your nanoforge was eaten. Rats.
Use our thousands of years of knowledge to re-tech the Imperium.
[3]
Do you even 40k lore? Either way, no one really remembers anything apart from the basics.