Ask what happened while I was asleep. Then appropriate some nearby weapon. The better the roll, the better the weapon.
[4]
Shit hit the fan. You grab a space marine heavy bolter. TODAY IS A GLORIOUS ONE FOR THE IMPERIUM!
((Seriously?))
((No spoilers because the Earth will be consumed by a vicious alien race! Hooray!))
Go kill the tyranids.
[3]
The tyranids absolutely devastate the surface, but you get them all.
Use new top hat to increase power of dapper science. Conduct more dapper science1
[1]
Dapper science is lame. You just make tea, hats and suits.
Look under all of the couches
[2]
The guards start shooting you.
We don't need backup anyhow. BEGIN STRIPPING OFF DISGUISE!
[4]
Disguise is gone! Now you're... whoever you are!
Keep breaking through walls.
[6]
You break into the containment cage of a superweapon monster. Poop.
Be saddened over my loss. Find pathway to alien planet filled with aliens that love racing.
[2]
Can't find one.
USE TIME GRID.
[1]
KJ uses TIME GRID!
KJ is frozen in time!
Troubleshooter Boss uses plasma rifle! It's super effective!
Pull it out stab one of them and start running again
[3]
You can't pull out the serrated spine. You manage to leggit though.
Establish the Imperium of Man, make myself the Emperor!
(Explanation for why I could get away with this: "THIS IS NO TIME FOR POLITICS. WE NEED A STRONG LEADER TO SAVE TERRA."
[4]
ALL HAIL THE EMPEROR!
Do a double-take and squint really hard at the text.
[1]
It's the recipe for potato fondue.
But french fries!
[3]
Raptors, being carnivores, have less market for potato sides.
"Are you an orphan?"
[4]
Dude, sorta busy here. No, I am not an orphan. Go away.
Get some law and order (and central management) into the fringes of the Empire to prepare for the next battle against the Orks.
Sheb, we'll just starve them out. Then you can sell them French Fries, and I'll get ten per cent. Deal?
[1]
The colonies have banded and formed the Resistance! Poop.