With my home telescope look for something interesting in Space. Preferably something inbound.
[5]
You see a frozen pain elemental floating around. Yay.
Thaw and revive BARBARA as a zombie.
[1]
Nup, still frozen.
Hadoken!
[4]
No more military, just a crater hole.
WAKE UP. LIKE A MAN!
[3]
You wake up in some weird ass looking armour. It looks like solid bright green light, and it looks like it is swirling. You jump up and knock over a chick. Yeah, manly!
She's pissed, but the armour is pretty scary and shit, so she pisses off. You have what appears to be a perfect rectangle of black crystal and an address in your pocket.
GLORIOUS BRITISH DINOSAUR POWERS!
Edit: Concur with Erils. Vote for the Dapper One!
[1]
Nope, tiny proto dinosaur powers. Sorry, dawn king.
You haven't been proved sentient yet, so no vote.
Figure out why I am so tiny.
[4]
The pokeball actually shrinks you down. You cracked it open and now here you are, tiny as shit.
Politely ask the government for permission to use satellites to target the pain elemental and FUCKING OBLITERATE HIM FROM SPACE WITH AN ORBITAL DEFENSE LASER
[3]
"Nah. Tell you what, bring us playergamer and you have a deal."
Dapperly run for dapper mayor of elephantophis. Campaign on the platform of increasing the TPC (tea per capita) and furthering research into making tea more dapper than ever
Also
Hack the tvtropes page to make it a campaign poster for my campaign for dapper mayor
[5]
Elected! Your TPC and tealchemical ideologies entrance the populace.
Also, do that yourself, lol.
All right! Become candidate for the position of mayor as well, promising social equality, good humor, and more beard.
[3]
You lose, sad face. You're the assistant mayor now.
Saw through all the potatoes. Especially North Korean ones.
I just want to say your story opened my eyes. Thank you.[5]
The north korean potato crop is ruined.