Kill everything with potato
[3]
You swing the potato, hoping for its innate killing ability to activate. Nuffin.
Solve problems diplomatically!
[4]
You run into a military escort, who are escorting civilians to the airport and harbor. Using your talking magic, you convince them you are also military, and they leave your armed friends alone.
The only way to increase power levels is to gain more followers. The majority of yours are being killed in a dark city.
Drown darkpaladin with a tea flood.
[6]
You teleport darkpaladin into a crater and fill it with tea. Unfortunately, eldritch monsters aren't big on breathing.
Establish a turn for my Troubleshooters, so I can watch them do things.
[4]
The Troubleshooters now have a turn. Goody for them. It'll go alongside your roll. Shit rolls mean poor desicions, and vice versa.
TS: [4]
They start repairing the asylum.
Since all the magic dudes seem to be dead/berserk, I'll go look for another source of expertise. Find the Vault-boy horde and get them to patch me up with all the random bits of meat, quest-trophy body parts, and bloody mess gibs they have.
[4] (4's on a roll *ba dum tiss*)
You wander over to a roving search party. Lucky for you, they are all idiots and miss you, so you have time to explain you just want piles of body parts. They point to a bunch of dead britishmen wearing suits. Convenient. Then you get knocked out by a slap.
Since all the magic dudes seem to be dead/berserk, I'll go look for another source of expertise. Find the Vault-boy horde and get them to patch me up with all the random bits of meat, quest-trophy body parts, and bloody mess gibs they have.
MAGICSLAP HUGO WHILE BEING FIRMLY ATTACHED TO ELDRITCH BEAST
[6]
YOU SLAP HIM GOOOOOOOD. ACROSS DIMENSIONS. YOU SLAP HIM SO HARD YOU BREAK YOUR ARM.
HADOKEN thief in my trademark way, where he doesn't actually die.
[1]
You fire a hadoken in the general direction he ran. You miss and hit a dormant volcano in New Zealand, which starts a massive volcanic eruption across both islands. Earthquakes and tsunamis aplenty. Idiot. At least you hit the volcano this time.
You hear the Thief laughing.