Our first real mission is a downed UFO somewhere in lower china. Lower china with cabbages and hay...Oh well.
We find two aliens who appear to be killing time by making a hapless farmer dance, with random laser fire as motivation. That or their aim is fucked. I'm hoping it is the latter, since that will make my life easier.
One of the aliens runs up to what looks like maybe 15 feet from the Hay bale that Dark Paladin and Theodore are hiding behind over there on the right and proceeds to unload into it, hitting no one and proving that damp hay is indeed, laser proof. On my turn Dark Paladin fires three times...and misses every fucking time despite a good 45% chance. Ahh. Well FUCK IT.
I have Theodore break cover and just bum rush the bastard and put the barrel of his shotgun straight up the alien's nose. Even then, directly next to the fucker, it's only an 86% shot. These rookies bro, they have an amazing ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Luckily Theo doesn't fuck up and a face full of buckshot is enough to put the alien down.
I had Berius take a shot at the other alien and he managed to injure both the farmer and the alien...so way to go Berius, fantastic multi-tasking. Kyle manages to hit the alien with a shot and doesn't even hit a civilian! During his turn the alien busily fires at the farmer...missing every shot. Jesus, the aim in this game. Suicide must be a hell of a thing: Put the gun in your mouth and fire 4 times before you hit anything. Kyle and Tavik manage to take out the other alien via just getting right up in it's face and shooting several times. Oh, and Beirus managed to get a snap shot off on a alien running by and brings it down in one shot! Good Job Berius!
Tavik walks around a hedge and finds an alien just hanging out back there. It takes him, Kyle and Berius to bring him down via spraying fire into his face from 2 feet away. I'm sensing a pattern here: close range, high volume of bullets seems most effective. Finally we get eyes on the UFO.
And of course an alien comes charges out and hides behind the invincible hay bale. So guess who gets to go in and scout it out? THATS RIGHT, MR. EXPENDABLE AKA Dark Paladin. He finds that luckily, there's no one we can see off to the left, so they must all be to the right or in the ship. Now..lets see if we can apply the "gun to face, bullets to brain" strategy.
Vincent manages to hit the alien, even from a distance, and even when he was in cover. Good job Vincent, you continue to prove that Dark Paladin is just a fuck up. Speaking of fuck up, I have DP run straight up and fire a burst shot into the alien. He misses at least 60% of the shots and then promptly gets horribly mangled by return fire. Cool. Theo takes the alien out with a shotgun blast and I have tavik get his medkit out to go bandage DP up. Finally, we're in position to take the ship itself.
There's all of one alien in there and he goes down with a hit by DP (Finally) and a blast by Beirus. Here's the end screen.
Of course DP is the only one who gets a medal. For bleeding. Yay DP, you got fucked up so bad we decided to give you a medal.
(Any relation between the fuckup named Dark Paladin and the forum user by the same name is purely coincidental. Dark Paladin is a cool guy. His name just seems to confer the stupid virus on characters in this game.)