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[Loud Whispers]

ur a cool dood

[dragdeler]

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[Rolan7]

Yeah I'm pretty cool (:

Don't worry, I'm not actually feeling more depressed than usual (so I'm sure I'll keep surviving as always).  I'm mostly *extremely* frustrated about some drama I can't talk about with... anyone, really.  Mostly due to privacy concerns and the absurd nature of the issue.  I've been bottling it up for almost two weeks, and guess I felt that was long enough to vent some of it out in vague emotional language.

I really was sleep deprived, though, ugh.  Doing better today in that regard, though it was still only 5 hours I guess.  It's going to be a lot easier once my current housemate moves out.  Not his fault he has work early, I've just been sleeping fitfully anyway.

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[Yoink]

Seized by a fit of violent self-loathing, arising from general frustration, loneliness and feelings of inadequacy.   
Fortunately, on the way home I made a stop at the liquor store for, among other things, a big bottle of good ol', cheap ol' Old Number Fifteen. Comes in a fancy cut-glass bottle with some shit about Kentucky's history as the world's best whiskey manufacturers or whatever, but who cares about all that when you're busy ripping the top off the bottle. It's cheap. It's good.
Time to listen to angry music and slug away at this.   


Since to do otherwise is apparently illegal, here is my current soundtrack. Well, that song just finished, and I used to kind of prefer the other track on the EP, but they're both great. Good apocalyptic doom with the energy of (and I'm pretty sure the vocalist from) a hardcore band.   

Not sure what I'll listen to next. Most of my small record collection is war metal, thrash and death-doom, whereas I'm in more of a self-hating sludge kinda mood. Should probably go get my headphones to expand my options, hey...   



Edit: thankfully I skipped over the self-harm stage, instead opting for (more) loud music and figurative drunk-dialing of romantic interests and/or friends. Also I've grabbed a couple of beers (Coopers Pale, holy shit that first swig tasted like home somehow)to slow my guzzling from the bottle, I guess.
Fuck I miss having friends. Seeing them, at least. In person.   

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[Rolan7]

I'm coming down from some heatstroke cleaning gutters and am just trying not to send this shirtless picture to more people
I mean people at all
Frick my brain feels good and dopey and I love my body

Ooh also last night I dreamed I got pleasantly toasted on red wine, but it was just a dream! Was very nice

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[wierd]

eat a banana, sit in some cool water (but not cold), and take it easy.

It gets brutal hot in my part of the country in the summer, and I have had more than one dangerous flirtation with heatstroke.  Watch your electrolytes, watch your temperature, and all that.

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[Rolan7]

Yup yup! Avoided going into my dad's heavy AC or getting ice water, I've certainly learned that lesson before! Just sipping from my canteen as fast as comfortable, resting in a shady breeze. Feeling much better now.

Oh yeah it would have been exhaustion not stroke I think. Serious difference. I was nauseous and light headed but only needed half an hour to recover.

(Response to pic was "sweetie we need to get you new pants". They're work pants, I'm handling bleach xP)

[dragdeler]

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[Rolan7]

"Got drunk over housemate drama but it turned out alright", basically.

[MaximumZero]

Not super drunk, just a little buzzed. I picked up my guitar for the first time in ages. My pain level is finally low enough to actually pick the damn thing up. Everyone is always like, "Oh, wow, you're doing great!" but all I hear is missed notes and a cacophony of suckage. I also seem to have lost my capo.

[Yoink]

'Tis a lovely day for getting drunk, here.   


...Is it bad that my workout prep/warm-up involves gulping down the beers whilst blasting angry music from my stereo, or that I now find myself doing sit-ups with a bottle of JB nestled between my feet? I suppose it is, but nothing gets me pumped up like loud, angry music and a swig or two of liquor. Find your anger, carve a channel for it and direct it at your weak, flabby body.   
I don't know wtf I'm on about at this point. Gawd I miss my friends and/or drinking buddies. I miss people. I miss partying. I miss Purpose - wait, I never had that to begin with. I miss being able to go out in public, get on tha beers and fool myself into thinking I am a person.