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[Nirur Torir]

The only quibble I have with that wording is that it removes the implication that Maria had a rifle specifically made for her, which was intended to convey that she was taught to -and was expected to be able to- defend herself rather than it being merely a situation that they appeared to be forced into.

I entirely missed that implication, and thought she just had the shortest rifle. Maybe it would work better to have a sentence about her reflexively tracing her finger along her name engraved along the barrel?

[Lord Shonus]

"her father's old muzzle-loader, along with her mother's and her own shorter gun"

This was intended to include three rifles. Her father's muzzle-loader that he no longer carries, Rebecca's gun, and Maria's. The bit about it being a "shorter gun" was because it was made for an adolescent (who would have a fair bit of trouble handling a full-sized rifle due to their smaller size) rather than an adult.


Again, being able to communicate these things better is why I started this project in the first place.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Just remember that there's a lot of chapters after you, and this will fall apart if you tear things up too much.

Not so. Lots of stories start by tearing a perfectly good life to shreds.

Spoiler: I'd probably write it more like this. (click to show/hide)

[....] Maria had retrived from the living room her father's old muzzle-loader, along with her mother's and her own shorter gun. They were already loaded, as was the brace of pistols that they retrieved from a kitchen drawer. Both had always hated those two guns. Unlike the rifles, the pistols were not for an attacker. Horrible things tended to happen to women and girls that were taken alive.

Maria had retrieved her father's old muzzle-loader, along with their her own, from the living room. They, along with the pair of pistols she then took from the kitchen drawer, were kept loaded. The pistols were a hated necessity - For women and girls, being taken alive led to a fate worse than death.

The only quibble I have with that wording is that it removes the implication that Maria had a rifle specifically made for her, which was intended to convey that she was taught to -and was expected to be able to- defend herself rather than it being merely a situation that they appeared to be forced into.

Assuming the change I made is what he meant, that isn't true.

Anyways, I'm thinkig I should read the first chapter before Remuthra writes his.

[Lord Shonus]

Remurtha, your time is running short.

[Remuthra]

Might take a while

[Lord Shonus]

I set the turn length at a week, and you're overdue. Post whatever you have, and the turn passes to the next player.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Remuthra, Shonus has PM'd me. It's your turn, remember?

[Ddynamo]

I suggest just moving Remuthra up the list a little bit

Might take a while

I interpreted that as he won't even be able to start until later

[notquitethere]

Can I get in on this?

[GreatWyrmGold]

I suggest just moving Remuthra up the list a little bit

Might take a while

I interpreted that as he won't even be able to start until later

It is currently later. A while later.
And it sounded like he could well mean that he's just a slow writer.

[Lord Shonus]

I suggest just moving Remuthra up the list a little bit

Might take a while

I interpreted that as he won't even be able to start until later

It is currently later. A while later.
And it sounded like he could well mean that he's just a slow writer.

That is how I interpreted as well. He is now skipped, but is not dropped from the rotation. Hopefully, he will be available when his turn rolls around again. Your week starts now.

Can I get in on this?

I'll add you to the end of the turn list.

[Lord Shonus]

GWG is nearing the end of his turn time. Will the next player indicate readiness to write?

[Ddynamo]

I believe I'm next?

Very well, I'm ready.

[Lord Shonus]

I haven't heard from Whitius Opus, and that person never confirmed interest, so looks like it. GWG still has time left, so give it a little longer.

[Lord Shonus]

Alright, go for it. Sorry about the delay in passing the turn, my forum access has been sporadic lately.