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[Gamerlord]

Begin Operation: God Grater

Send Grate on an epic quest in which he fights every single God known to man, in order from least to most powerful, with slightly larger battles until he reaches Zeus, where they clash in an ultimate battle on mount Olympus with Grate nearly dying but being brought back from the brink by our faith in him, and defeating Zeus with his last ounce of strength.

+1. Addendum: teach him some battlecries in backwards Greek and instruct him to drink every dead god's blood to get their powers.

+1 also make jerky out there flesh for when he needs a snack on his quest.

+1 Yessssssss...

+1, but have him fight Ouranous, at the end, not that pansy Zeus.

+1 if he only kills the male gods and builds a harem out of the females.

+1 smurfington's addendum.

[piecewise]

You give grate a cheese grater and push him out the door with nothing except the instructions of "GO AND KILL EVERY GOD THAT EVER WAS AND MAKE THEIR WOMEN YOURS!"

Seems simple enough.

That done, you retire to the den and play Russian Roulette. You lose every time but it's fun anyways.  Eventually, over the sound of gunfire, you hear what sounds like THE CRYING OF A CHILD YOU WISH YOU COULD DISOWN!

You punch your head through the wall and find grate, sitting in the front yard, crying. He doesn't have even one head of a god strapped to his belt or face of a goddess strapped to roughly the same area.

You're not even mad. You're just very disappointed. You still hit him with sticks though.

[BFEL]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

[LordSlowpoke]

BEAT GRATE TO NEAR DEATH IN ORDER TO TRAIN ENDURANCE

REPLACE THE FUCKING WINDOWS

[superBlast]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+1 Hire Kratos to teach him! He gets girls in the first two games (idk about the 3rd or handheld ones) and he kills lots of gods!

[WhitiusOpus]

BEAT GRATE TO NEAR DEATH IN ORDER TO TRAIN ENDURANCE

REPLACE THE FUCKING WINDOWS

+1, SINCE HE'S A LITTLE BITCH WHO NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON.
ALSO, TRY AGAIN.

((Also, how were we playing Russian Roulette? And CONTINUOUSLY losing?!))

[Xantalos]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

[Kadzar]

I say we take Grate on a trip to the remote jungles of South America to acquire potentially stat-boosting medicines from the previously undiscovered plants and wildlife found there.

[Corsair]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

+1

[HissinhWalnuts]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

+1

+1 Make sure to get some god killing badasses to teach him how to be a badass while we teach him the importance of god killing.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

+1

+1 Make sure to get some god killing badasses to teach him how to be a badass while we teach him the importance of god killing.

+1 Grate will have his awesome.

[Fniff]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

+1

+1 Make sure to get some god killing badasses to teach him how to be a badass while we teach him the importance of god killing.

+1 Grate will have his awesome.

+1

[Remuthra]

Clearly our son needs to train harder before we try this again.

TRAIN GRATE IN GOD-KILLING/GODDESS-TAKING TECHNIQUES

+YEAH

+1

+1 Make sure to get some god killing badasses to teach him how to be a badass while we teach him the importance of god killing.

+1 Grate will have his awesome.

+1

+1

[piecewise]

You hurl a stack of mythology books at grate's head and proceed to scream their contents, especially the parts about how zeus murdered his father and how he boned everything. You us hand puppets. It is surprisingly hard to recreate pelvic thrusts with them. Once done giving him a complete run down on how to murder gods and sleep with their women, you leave grate alone for private study time and go carve a knife out of skeleton of the goddess who you've been keeping in your garage.  Armed with weapons and armor made of the bones of a dead god, you send him off to battle.

The next few weeks are...quiet-ish. Italy sinks into the ocean and the skys boil with thunder and rage, but you've got your knitting, so you pay it no mind.

When grate finally does return, drenched in quicksilver blood, flanked by goddesses either smitten by his might or held in golden chains, he presents you with a sac of faintly glowing heads and a quiver of thunderbolts. He says nothing about his adventures, but occasionally looks to the skies and laughs in triumph.

Dappertude:3
Cynicismish:5
Businessness:-1
Determinational:2
Survivalous: 6
Sporties:2
Schooliouses:9

[Furtuka]

I believe its time we begin working on his Businessness again. Let's teach him about politics a bit. Starting with using the Thunderbolts as a lesson on conquest and nuclear deterrents~