Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[piecewise]

LOOKS LIKE GRATE IS GOING TO VEGAS TO BE A FUCKING SECRET AGENT OR SOME SHIT.

You throw grate in the trunk of your car and drive an unspecified number of hours to get to Vegas, city of neon, prostitution, gambling and faux elegance. You drive onto the strip, park your car across several lanes of traffic and pull grate out of the trunk before hurling him into the pool outside the Venetian.

"YOU CAN COME HOME WHEN YOU'VE GOT AT LEAST 3 OFF THE FOLLOWING LIST!" You shout down at him

"1. A NAKED WOMAN COVERED IN GOLD PAINT.  2.AN EXPLODING PEN BOMB. 3. A SLIGHTLY DEFORMED VILLAIN WHO WANTS TO DO SOMETHING ELABORATE AND STUPID. 4. AN ASTON MARTIN DB5 WITH BUILT IN MACHINE GUNS 5. A GOLDEN GUN 6. A NAKED WOMAN WHO WILL DANCE IN THE NUDE IN AN ARTFUL MANNER WHILE SLIGHTLY SILLY 70'S MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND!"

Grate attempts to ask why you're doing this to him but you just start screaming the lyrics to "Snake Eater" and drive off.


HE COMES BACK 6 WEEKS LATER WITH EVERYTHING ON THE LIST, PLUS A FREAKING FITTED SUIT, AND EXPLODING LADY BOMB AND A DEFORMED GUN THAT IS WILLING TO DANCE NAKED FOR YOU!

GRATE IS 5 NOW. I THINK.


Dappertude:2
Cynicismish:5
Businessness:-1
Determinational:2
Survivalous: 3
Sporties:0
Schooliouses:9

[Gamerlord]

FUCK YES.

[Remuthra]

Kid prodigy there.

Make Grate learn how to out-debate ANYTHING.

[Xanmyral]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

[Kadzar]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

+1

[The Froggy Ninja]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

Plus have a bonding moment in which you tell him that he's made you proud and that you expect greatness from him.

[Fniff]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

Plus have a bonding moment in which you tell him that he's made you proud and that you expect greatness from him.

+1 to birthday party and this.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Boo!

Shame on you! Cynicism be his second highest skill! He'll just get mad!

Send Grate to Mars. On a rocket.

[WhitiusOpus]

FUCK YEAH, MY PLAN WORKED!

But now he needs more businessness. FUCK.

HIRE CORPORATE BIGHEAD WITH GOLF CLUB TO TEACH GRATE HOW TO BE A BUSINESS OWNER. EVERYTIME HE FUCKS UP, WACK'M WITH THE CLUB.

This'll help the little shit.

[superBlast]

Want him to be happy? Make him go build his own theme park... we get his profits, and he get's a fun place designed the way he wants where he go to anytime! Makes him happy and get better business stuff.

[Yourmaster]

Want him to be happy? Make him go build his own theme park... we get his profits, and he get's a fun place designed the way he wants where he go to anytime! Makes him happy and get better business stuff.

+1

[Lightningfalcon]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

Plus have a bonding moment in which you tell him that he's made you proud and that you expect greatness from him.

+1 to birthday party and this.

+1 We don't have the money for a theme park.

[BFEL]

We need to cheer Grate up and remove his depression. (Although I have to say he's a really high-functioning depressed dude.) What do semi-god children who can do lots of secret agent stuff do for fun? Uh...

Throw a birthday party! With cakes and frilly-bright colored stuff! Invite kids from everywhere, tell Grate to either be their friends or be their leader, tell him that he must rule with either fear or kindness and he must choose!

Plus have a bonding moment in which you tell him that he's made you proud and that you expect greatness from him.

+1 to birthday party and this.

+1 We don't have the money for a theme park.

+ Even more ones

[Execute/Dumbo.exe]

Wait, I remember, piecewise said not only do you not know what bad attributes come up, you also can't take them down, I hope not at any rate.

[Remuthra]

When this is all over, will we know where we gave our kid all the terrible ideas?