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[piecewise]

You go out and round up a bunch of street children and dress them in clothing fitting of a Dickens novel. You then teach them how to pick pocket watches and pocket books, and how to sing cockney songs and look fittingly adorable. You then hand Grate over to the leader, who you've given a crumpled tophat and the name "Haberdasher" and tell them to go steal you a living otherwise they won't get no gruel tonight.

They return that light, laden with stolen wallets and watches and, somehow, a set of opera glasses. Grate, who they used as a distraction considering he lacks the capacity to do much more then look cute, seems to have learned a great deal during his time as a street urchin. He comes back, covered in soot, crying in with an English accent and dressed in what appears to be a baby sized Oliver Twist costume.

Dappertude:0
Cynicismish:5
Businessness:2
Determinational:0
Survivalous: 0
Sporties:0
Schooliouses:3

[Xantalos]

Kidnap Steven Hawking, cut out his brain and fuse it with Grate's brain to increase his smarts.

[BFEL]

Kidnap Steven Hawking, cut out his brain and fuse it with Grate's brain to increase his smarts.

Seriously man, STEPHEN Hawking.

Also SERIOUSLY MAN THAT IS US. YOU WANT TO CUT OUT OUR OWN BRAIN AND GRAFT IT TO OUR CHILDS. He's STEPHEN HAWKING not Dr. GERO.

[WhitiusOpus]

My beginning idea still stands:



SACRIFICE STEPHEN HAWKING TO GRATE

Or

ENROLL GRATE IN TODDLER RUGBY TO INCREASE SPORTINESS

[Lightningfalcon]

Bribe sports coach to allow Grate to play on a high school level Rugby team.  He won't feel the pain if he is up against other toddlers. 

[Xantalos]

Kidnap Steven Hawking, cut out his brain and fuse it with Grate's brain to increase his smarts.

Seriously man, STEPHEN Hawking.

Also SERIOUSLY MAN THAT IS US. YOU WANT TO CUT OUT OUR OWN BRAIN AND GRAFT IT TO OUR CHILDS. He's STEPHEN HAWKING not Dr. GERO.

We're not Stephen hawking! We're Father, you nitwit

Dangit can't post a picture on this thing. The guy from KND.

[Remuthra]

Kidnap Steven Hawking, cut out his brain and fuse it with Grate's brain to increase his smarts.

Seriously man, STEPHEN Hawking.

Also SERIOUSLY MAN THAT IS US. YOU WANT TO CUT OUT OUR OWN BRAIN AND GRAFT IT TO OUR CHILDS. He's STEPHEN HAWKING not Dr. GERO.

We're not Stephen hawking! We're Father Christmas, you nitwit

Dangit can't post a picture on this thing. The guy from KND.

:O

[Dorsidwarf]

keep him in a safe, padded comfy room with everything carefully calibrated to be a learning environment, conductive to proper formation of the mind.  Attach a series of bullhorns to timers too,  let him know the hours of the day by heart.

[WhitiusOpus]

[Slayerhero90]

We have moneys now, don't we? Use it! Get our little floodgate a fencing tutor, motor skills be damned!

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

I'm curious, when is someone going to try to introduce Grate to Dwarf Fortress?

[Lightningfalcon]

I'm curious, when is someone going to try to introduce Grate to Dwarf Fortress?

He might find it entertaining.  I know, I know, hard to believe that some people actually like that game.  But there is that slim possibility.  We wouldn't want our son to be happy.  Happiness would cause him to gain false hope.   Also, I don't think he knows how to read yet.   How is he going to play a game where the graphics themselves are text based? 

[Remuthra]

I'm curious, when is someone going to try to introduce Grate to Dwarf Fortress?

He might find it entertaining.  I know, I know, hard to believe that some people actually like that game.  But there is that slim possibility.  We wouldn't want our son to be happy.  Happiness would cause him to gain false hope.   Also, I don't think he knows how to read yet.   How is he going to play a game where the graphics themselves are text based?

Do you see a Happiness stat up there? I don't, which means it either doesn't exist or is a negative skill.

[Xanmyral]

Teach Grate the ways of proper tie tying and suit wearing. Probably through, I don't know, ritualistic interpretive dancing?

[superBlast]

I wanna throw out my suggestion before voting for others...

Teach Grate the ways of gambling, and not just any gambling! Teach him how to cheat and make the odds always in his favor all the time. Keep doing so until we can't even tell if he's cheating or not against us and unleash him into a casino with $100 and tell him to come back with a $1,000,000 or he has to sleep out side for the rest of the year without a blanket or bed or protection from rain, sleet, snow, or hail. we deliver what you mail!

Now I have a question... does his stats help make things more successful or do they only apply for the end of the game when his sixteen... uh... thing?