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[Nirur Torir]

[....]God you guys are horrible.

Hey, I just wanted to give your namesake a puppy.

[Slayerhero90]

PTW, because my semi-reasonable person suggestions would be cast down.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Not stopping me.

[poketwo]

piecewise mentioning the kid was named for me drove me back here. Let's see what madness and horror you have inflicted on him. I mean, aside from a name suited more for a forum than real life.

"Poketwo, how dare you bring logic int this place!"

Wait, that counted as logic?

These.

:ok, we need to feed the kid a lot of meat. This gives him a good amount of protein. Which is great for development, including joints and the brain.

:We could also try ambushing him at every time, playful torturing. like those kitties do, trap him with your arms as well.
the playful one will not hurt the kid, but provide a challenge of tactics, but I had to Bay12-ifi the other parts of the suggestions
:Now HOW to feed him that stuff is the question. Should we grind it, or do what the birds do?

:Or we could just have him watch large amounts of vicious videos of roman gladiator combat. 

their you go.

[Kadzar]

To get some more money, we should have him perform in some sort of embarrassing advertisement. I don't expect we'll get stat growths from it immediately, but we can save a copy to humiliate him in front of his peers. That's a stat, right? Even if it's not, do it anyway.

[Yoink]

The kid's like 5 minutes old. I doubt he'd be overly embarrassed later by the stuff we force him to do now. O.o

>My suggestion is still a teddy bear. And dinosaurs.

[Flying Dice]

+1 to gaining the favor of Hecate.

[Yourmaster]

force the child to sacrifice a goat to Hecate!

+1

Now you`re thinking with trauma!

+1
But we should use the neighbor's dog if we don't want to go broke.

+1

 We should OBVIOUSLY use a dog.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

To get some more money, we should have him perform in some sort of embarrassing advertisement. I don't expect we'll get stat growths from it immediately, but we can save a copy to humiliate him in front of his peers. That's a stat, right? Even if it's not, do it anyway.

You know, I wonder what actions would be needed to get the kid to become a full out cosplayer by the age of 5.

[Remuthra]

>Sacrifice a dear to Hecate Goddess of Witchcraft to bless your son with "The Gift".

+1. Got to remember to honor the dark gods.

+1.  Considering Bay12, this is probably one of the least detrimental actions that can be performed in a turn...

Of course, I don't know what this 'gift' is...but whatever it is, it is probably better than baptizing the child into the faith of Armok.

I'll give you a hint it's bestowed by the Goddess of Magic.

And the underworld. And ghosts. So there's at least a decent chance of our child acquiring psychic mind powers. Would be a shame if he didn't have access to mind bullets, after all.

The underworld is Hades' domain.

He shares it with other minor gods. For example, Thanatos is there too.

[Empiricist]

To get some more money, we should have him perform in some sort of embarrassing advertisement. I don't expect we'll get stat growths from it immediately, but we can save a copy to humiliate him in front of his peers. That's a stat, right? Even if it's not, do it anyway.

You know, I wonder what actions would be needed to get the kid to become a full out cosplayer by the age of 5.

Give them a closet full of sets of clothing. Half normal, the other half cosplay. Act like an abusive prick when they wear the normal ones. Act incredibly kind and compassionate when they were the cosplay. Continue until conditioning is successful.

[piecewise]

force the child to sacrifice a goat to Hecate!

+1

Now you`re thinking with trauma!

+1
But we should use the neighbor's dog if we don't want to go broke.

+1

 We should OBVIOUSLY use a dog.

YOU SACRIFICE THE DOG TO THE GODS OF BUSINESS! MAY THEY GIVE YOUR SON THEIR BLESSINGS AND A MERCIFULLY QUICK DEATH ONCE THEY RETURN TO DO NON-EUCLIDEAN BUSINESS!

The Blood mark of Managerial Synergy appears on the child's head! Grate adjusts a tiny, imaginary tie and says, in his tiny baby voice "Yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday."


 Dappertude:0
Cynicismish:1
Businessness:2
Dterminational:0
Survivalous: 0
 Sporties:0
Schooliouses:0

TWO ACTIVITIES LEFT!

[Execute/Dumbo.exe]

Dear god that awesome.
set him up with stocks in some relatively low risk areas and give him 'babies first stock market' so he can learn, then also give him a tie and a suit, suits for the business god and  all that.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

set him up with stocks in some relatively low risk areas and give him 'babies first stock market' so he can learn, then give them a closet full of sets of clothing. Half normal, the other half Homestuck, Doctor Who, and Sherlock cosplay.  Act normally towards the child when they wear the normal ones. Act incredibly kind and compassionate when they were the cosplay. Continue until conditioning is successful.

[bsnott]

I can already see the news articles about this. "Bay12 Forums raises a baby!"