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Author Topic: Love and stuff and social akwardness  (Read 4490 times)

Yoink

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2014, 11:00:33 am »

Good luck!
Remember, no pressure- if you screw up you can always just move to another continent, change your name and have complete plastic surgery laugh it off! ;)
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shoeless

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2014, 05:00:29 pm »

I'm going to throw you some random advice I learned from being a shy, awkward high school kid before becoming comfortable with myself and happy (read that how you may) in college and beyond.

1.  Be comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy.  Be passionate about these things.  Most guys who girls run across are virtually the same.  Let her realize (without bragging) there is more to you than the others, no matter what the 'more' is.  The best way is to make fun of yourself while doing it.  For example, I loved reading books about Economists and their theories in college;  nothing is nerdier than this to a girl.  If the conversation permitted, I would bring this up and tell them what a complete nerd I was for loving this kind of stuff.  I'd make a joke about getting together and reading some theories together sometime.  After this, ask her if there is anything nerdy about herself?  If she starts talking, shut the hell up and listen.

2.  Shut the hell up and listen.  Keep her talking.  Ask her questions to keep her talking.  Make small jokes.  Nod.  Ask more questions.  The more she talks the more she will like you.

3.  Make fun of yourself.  Be sarcastic.  But don't be a dick.  Don't be arrogant.  And don't make fun of those less fortunate than you.

4.  Have fun with life.  Even if she turns you down, tell her you still think she's amazing and you're just happy with yourself for getting the nerve to talk with her.  Ask her if she'd be willing to turn you down on a weekly basis so you remember crashing and burning is not really that bad of a thing.  She'll think you're funny and, who knows, maybe one day she won't say no.

5.  Final advice.  If you're looking at her a couple desks away, there may be some amazing girl several desks away looking at you.  When I made this realization for myself, I met and dated some of the most amazing, deep, and beautiful girls a man could come across.  I know you're only 14, but, trust me, there is nothing sexier or more beautiful than a girl who is comfortable with who she is and what she wants.  I'm generalizing, but sometimes the "pretty" girl is not always the most comfortable in her skin.

Take this or leave this, I don't care.  But this worked for me and my life was better because of it.
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Vector

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2014, 05:09:16 pm »

1.  Be comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy.  Be passionate about these things.  Most guys who girls run across are virtually the same.  Let her realize (without bragging) there is more to you than the others, no matter what the 'more' is.  The best way is to make fun of yourself while doing it.  For example, I loved reading books about Economists and their theories in college;  nothing is nerdier than this to a girl.  If the conversation permitted, I would bring this up and tell them what a complete nerd I was for loving this kind of stuff.  I'd make a joke about getting together and reading some theories together sometime.  After this, ask her if there is anything nerdy about herself?  If she starts talking, shut the hell up and listen.

2.  Shut the hell up and listen.  Keep her talking.  Ask her questions to keep her talking.  Make small jokes.  Nod.  Ask more questions.  The more she talks the more she will like you.

4.  Have fun with life.  Even if she turns you down, tell her you still think she's amazing and you're just happy with yourself for getting the nerve to talk with her.  Ask her if she'd be willing to turn you down on a weekly basis so you remember crashing and burning is not really that bad of a thing.  She'll think you're funny and, who knows, maybe one day she won't say no.

I agree with most of your advice, but these bolded parts are things I would be cautious of.
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Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #33 on: January 22, 2014, 07:16:33 pm »

Especially the last one. That might turn creepy pretty quickly, unless you're living in a chick flick.
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shoeless

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #34 on: January 23, 2014, 09:33:40 am »

I agree that asking every week would be completely creepy.  I should have told him not to actually ask every week or ever again, for that matter.  She already knows how he feels.  But he shouldn't feel or act awkward around her afterwards.  I once had a girl completely shoot me down only to change her mind once she got to know me and I was over my initial "crush".

Also, I think you guys are great for helping this guy out.  Vector, you gave him some great advice on this.  I'm glad he at least said he was going to take your advice.

I may have overreached about Economics being the most nerdy, seeing as how we're discussing how to land a girl on a Dwarf Fortress board.  My wife believes Dwarf Fortress is my top nerdism, beating out my german board game addiction, my fixation with growing many different varieties of radishes in my garden, and my enjoyment when butchering pigs.
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Sigulbard

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #35 on: January 23, 2014, 06:12:36 pm »

w78fgpweaftg[p78wef;ias and my enjoyment when butchering pigs.
k
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #36 on: January 23, 2014, 08:08:36 pm »

w78fgpweaftg[p78wef;ias and my enjoyment when butchering pigs.
k

An excellent answer to our conundrum! But do tell sir, what is the constant 'w' and how does it relate to love?

Of course there is the matter of pig butchering, but I think it's blatantly obvious of its use in such lovematical, formulaic logic.

Tell me chaps, what do you think? Quite clearly, it seems, this ingenious fellow has gone forward and discovered the mathematical solution to the OPs problem!
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miauw62

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2014, 10:23:19 am »

I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)
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nenjin

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #38 on: January 24, 2014, 10:47:30 am »

I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)

Hey man, the fact she even gave a reason for saying no is a good sign. "No I don't really know you" is better than "Ugh, NO!"

That's something you can fix. Just remember to be honest about it. As in, actually get to know her simply for sake of making her acquaintance. If in the back of her mind she always feels that you're only talking to her so you can eventually know her well enough to ask her out again.....the answer will probably remain the same. Basically, you've let her know you're interested. The ball is in her court. What you need to do is show her you're someone she'd like to date, and let her make up her own mind.

(And you never know. In the process of getting to know her, maybe you'll find out she isn't all that.)

Anyways, congratulations. You've done something some grown men still struggle with.
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Yoink

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #39 on: January 24, 2014, 05:17:47 pm »

Anyways, congratulations. You've done something some grown men still struggle with.

This. Seriously.  :)
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Sigulbard

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #40 on: January 24, 2014, 07:05:31 pm »

w78fgpweaftg[p78wef;ias and my enjoyment when butchering pigs.
k
78fgpweaftg[p78wef;ias and discovered the mathematical solution to the OPs problem!
k
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XXSockXX

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #41 on: January 25, 2014, 08:47:10 am »

I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)
Sorry to hear that. Still, even if it doesn't work out, what you should take away from this is that you found the courage to ask her. That "get to her through her friends" scheme I mentioned earlier - a friend of mine spent over a year trying to pull that off before he got turned down. He was more than twice your age at the time. So be proud, you saved yourself a lot of trouble.
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kaijyuu

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #42 on: January 25, 2014, 11:31:59 am »

I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)
My general operating procedure is to take these things at face value, so yeah, get to know her better and ask again.

Maybe she'll say no again with a different reason, and you should be prepared for that. No pushing or expectations, now.
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miauw62

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #43 on: January 25, 2014, 12:05:01 pm »

I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)

Hey man, the fact she even gave a reason for saying no is a good sign. "No I don't really know you" is better than "Ugh, NO!"

That's something you can fix. Just remember to be honest about it. As in, actually get to know her simply for sake of making her acquaintance. If in the back of her mind she always feels that you're only talking to her so you can eventually know her well enough to ask her out again.....the answer will probably remain the same. Basically, you've let her know you're interested. The ball is in her court. What you need to do is show her you're someone she'd like to date, and let her make up her own mind.

(And you never know. In the process of getting to know her, maybe you'll find out she isn't all that.)
I asked her, and she said no. (She said that she doesn't know me well enough yet, but I don't have a lot of hope.)
My general operating procedure is to take these things at face value, so yeah, get to know her better and ask again.

Maybe she'll say no again with a different reason, and you should be prepared for that. No pushing or expectations, now.
I guess I'll follow this advice, then. It still hurts, though (which is normal, I guess). I've just been trying to distract myself and stuff. Good thing I did this on a Friday.

Quote from: nenjin
Anyways, congratulations. You've done something some grown men still struggle with.
Thanks.
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they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #44 on: January 25, 2014, 05:09:51 pm »

You might want to wait a bit before getting too committed - if it's just a crush, it'll pass quickly. I ruined at least one potential friendship/aquaintance-ship (?) that way.
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The Bay12 postcard club
Arguably he's already a progressive, just one in the style of an enlightened Kaiser.
I'm going to do the smart thing here and disengage. This isn't a hill I paticularly care to die on.
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