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Author Topic: Love and stuff and social akwardness  (Read 4487 times)

miauw62

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Love and stuff and social akwardness
« on: January 17, 2014, 01:55:23 pm »

So, I have a crush on a girl in my class. I just really don't know how to talk to her without being weird so I can't work up enough courage to talk to her, which is keeping me from talking about her which is just slowly tearing me apart.


I really really don't know. I can't even formulate a decent post.
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Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2014, 02:37:18 pm »

Ask her if she'd like to get a beer sometime?

But I'm really not someone you should take advice from on this ;)
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nenjin

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2014, 05:10:40 pm »

Still in highschool aren't you?

There's really no good way to go about it. I suppose you can let her hear through the grapevine that you like her, and wait and see what she does.

Or try and get her semi-alone and just lay out how you feel. It's entirely up to you how awkward it gets. Really, ask yourself why you're flummoxed by her. Are you afraid of being rejected? Do you doubt that you're worthy of her affection? Social awkwardness is about your hang ups, and defeating them is what allows you to approach others you're interested in. I'm all about aversion therapy in this regard. If you're afraid of talking to her, talking to her is the only thing that's going to help. And rather than beat around the bush awkwardly for as long as it takes to become comfortable, I'd just say it. "I think you're very pretty. So pretty in fact that I can't even think straight when I'm around you. I'd like to go out with you sometime, " Maybe she'll find it endearing, maybe she'll find it creepy, maybe you'll barely be able to squeak out a sentence. But at least you'll have done something, moved forward and combatted your own insecurities.

I remember feeling this about a girl in highschool. Had a group project with her, got to know her a little bit and when I finally asked her she went "pppfffttt, no." It stung like a son of a bitch. On the flip side, my next emotional reaction was to go "Wait a minute. I don't need this stupid, self-absorbed rich girl to know I'm likable. Fuck her, and the snooty horse she rode in on." Being rejected may not have been best for my confidence, but it definitely changed my thinking about rejection.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2014, 05:13:13 pm by nenjin »
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Facekillz058

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2014, 07:04:54 pm »

I KNOW THIS SITUATION.
I am this situation.
Just tell her how you feel.
Someone on these forums told me,
"Just tell her, the regret you'll feel for letting her slip away will last a lot longer than the awkwardness of the situation."
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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2014, 07:52:09 pm »

Plus there is no way this will be the most embarrassing thing you remember. I guarantee you will be walkin down the street one day and something embarrassing you did will pop in, and you'll be like "Oh thanks brain, I was feeling so well about myself" but it won't be about asking this girl out.

However,

Is there any indication she thinks about you? Eye contact, smiles, happens to sit near you all the time? This might be the equivalent of a salesman's "cold call" where you don't even know if this customer has heard of your company, much less is buying. And the school environment isn't a guarantee she's looking for companionship - unlike a club late at night when the music is booming and there's magic in the air. Maybe asking her out will be unexpected.

If this is the case, instead of asking her out, how about introducing yourself by sitting with her at lunch? "Is anyone sitting here?" "I'm miauw62, we're in the same Learning Stuff class." "What's your major?" "Why are you drawing a picture of me with daggers sticking out?" "Help! She's got my belly!" Etc.
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miauw62

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2014, 07:47:46 am »

Ask her if she'd like to get a beer sometime?
I'm 14 (the legal drinking age in Belgium is 16)

Still in highschool aren't you?
Yup


Quote
There's really no good way to go about it. I suppose you can let her hear through the grapevine that you like her, and wait and see what she does.

Or try and get her semi-alone and just lay out how you feel. It's entirely up to you how awkward it gets. Really, ask yourself why you're flummoxed by her. Are you afraid of being rejected? Do you doubt that you're worthy of her affection? Social awkwardness is about your hang ups, and defeating them is what allows you to approach others you're interested in. I'm all about aversion therapy in this regard. If you're afraid of talking to her, talking to her is the only thing that's going to help. And rather than beat around the bush awkwardly for as long as it takes to become comfortable, I'd just say it. "I think you're very pretty. So pretty in fact that I can't even think straight when I'm around you. I'd like to go out with you sometime, " Maybe she'll find it endearing, maybe she'll find it creepy, maybe you'll barely be able to squeak out a sentence. But at least you'll have done something, moved forward and combatted your own insecurities.
I guess I'll have to try, but it's just hard to meet her alone on school. After school she has to catch a bus, so that's not really an option. Talking to her would be a lot easier if I could be alone with her, but yeah...


I KNOW THIS SITUATION.
I am this situation.
Just tell her how you feel.
Someone on these forums told me,
"Just tell her, the regret you'll feel for letting her slip away will last a lot longer than the awkwardness of the situation."
I realize that I'll just feel a lot of regret if I don't, I just can't convince myself to do it for some reason >.<


Plus there is no way this will be the most embarrassing thing you remember. I guarantee you will be walkin down the street one day and something embarrassing you did will pop in, and you'll be like "Oh thanks brain, I was feeling so well about myself" but it won't be about asking this girl out.
As I said, I know that I have to do this :(

Quote
However,

Is there any indication she thinks about you? Eye contact, smiles, happens to sit near you all the time? This might be the equivalent of a salesman's "cold call" where you don't even know if this customer has heard of your company, much less is buying. And the school environment isn't a guarantee she's looking for companionship - unlike a club late at night when the music is booming and there's magic in the air. Maybe asking her out will be unexpected.

If this is the case, instead of asking her out, how about introducing yourself by sitting with her at lunch? "Is anyone sitting here?" "I'm miauw62, we're in the same Learning Stuff class." "What's your major?" "Why are you drawing a picture of me with daggers sticking out?" "Help! She's got my belly!" Etc.
The lunch room is generally crowded, and it'd be incredibly akward to go and sit with her since she always sits with other girls. (Also I always sit with my friends but that's not too much of a problem.)
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2014, 09:04:44 am »

Ask her if she'd like to get a beer sometime?
I'm 14 (the legal drinking age in Belgium is 16)
Cinema, then. Later, beer at your place ;)
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XXSockXX

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2014, 12:50:14 pm »

You should definitely try, or else you regret it. Worst case scenario is she rejects you, but that is not going to haunt you as long as never finding the courage to find out.

Are there any extracurricular activities or stuff like birthday parties or local festivities where you could run into her?

Also do you have any female friends that might know her or know one of her friends? When I was in school the girls had quite the coupling machinery going on and were helpful in arranging "accidental" meetings.
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Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2014, 05:29:32 pm »

I knew there was a reason I'm expanding my circle of female aquaintances!
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Arguably he's already a progressive, just one in the style of an enlightened Kaiser.
I'm going to do the smart thing here and disengage. This isn't a hill I paticularly care to die on.

tompliss

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2014, 06:04:45 pm »

As I said, I know that I have to do this :(
rust me, you don't "have" to do this, you WANT to.

I am 10 years older than you. I had the same problem, but wasn't on Bay12 those days.
Now, I'm 24, working, and still haven't asked out a girl. yay.
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Catsup

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2014, 07:54:24 pm »

So, I have a crush on a girl in my class. I just really don't know how to talk to her without being weird so I can't work up enough courage to talk to her, which is keeping me from talking about her which is just slowly tearing me apart.
go up to her, smile, and say "i feel attracted to you, and i would like to get to know you better, would you like to get some coffee?"

if she answers "yes" or "no", that means what it means, and it means shes looking for love.

if she answers with anything related to "hot" coffee, that means shes looking for someone whose good in bed.

XXSockXX

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2014, 07:20:32 am »

I knew there was a reason I'm expanding my circle of female aquaintances!
That I cannot recommend enough. Go out with a group of male friends. Then go to the same place with female friends, one of them visibly your girlfriend. Compare the female attention you get. Having female friends around tricks other females into thinking you're sane enough to be considered desireable. That is the secret.  ;)
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miauw62

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2014, 07:46:50 am »

Ask her if she'd like to get a beer sometime?
I'm 14 (the legal drinking age in Belgium is 16)
Cinema, then. Later, beer at your place ;)
Like my parents will let me :P

You should definitely try, or else you regret it. Worst case scenario is she rejects you, but that is not going to haunt you as long as never finding the courage to find out.

Are there any extracurricular activities or stuff like birthday parties or local festivities where you could run into her?

Also do you have any female friends that might know her or know one of her friends? When I was in school the girls had quite the coupling machinery going on and were helpful in arranging "accidental" meetings.
Not that I know of and no. I don't really get out much, once school ends I just hop on my bike and bike home (it's not far and I could bike around the city a bit before I go home, there's just little reason to do so other than to go to the library every now and then). I suck at most sports and I can't think of many other things to do. And I don't have any female friends at all. (Which isn't hard when you've got 3 good friends)

So, I have a crush on a girl in my class. I just really don't know how to talk to her without being weird so I can't work up enough courage to talk to her, which is keeping me from talking about her which is just slowly tearing me apart.
go up to her, smile, and say "i feel attracted to you, and i would like to get to know you better, would you like to get some coffee?"

if she answers "yes" or "no", that means what it means, and it means shes looking for love.

if she answers with anything related to "hot" coffee, that means shes looking for someone whose good in bed.
As I said, it's hard to work up the courage and to be alone with her :/
Also I'm 14 ;_;

As I said, I know that I have to do this :(
rust me, you don't "have" to do this, you WANT to.

I am 10 years older than you. I had the same problem, but wasn't on Bay12 those days.
Now, I'm 24, working, and still haven't asked out a girl. yay.
I knowwww
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they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Helgoland

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2014, 08:12:44 am »

They won't let you go to the cinema? :P
(And I doubt she'd come back for 'beer' on the first night out ;) )

Just find some socially accepted activity for two people and suggest that.
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The Bay12 postcard club
Arguably he's already a progressive, just one in the style of an enlightened Kaiser.
I'm going to do the smart thing here and disengage. This isn't a hill I paticularly care to die on.

XXSockXX

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Re: Love and stuff and social akwardness
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2014, 08:17:44 am »

Hm. Can you find an excuse to use the same bus she uses?

If you don't want to do something rushed, you could also use infiltration tactics. You could try to become friendly with someone in her circle of friends, that could lead to a situation where you encounter her casually and - at first - talk to her with other people present. That should be a bit less frightening for the both of you than approaching her out of nowhere.
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