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[itisnotlogical]

Pretty much what the title says. How do people get to be good at just talking? I do okay talking about the very specific kinds of stuff I know enough about to carry a conversation (computer graphics, video equipment, anime, video games, other nerdy and computer-related things) but outside of that I hardly ever have things to say. A thread will end and then I'll just be sitting there with a dumb look on my face, trying to think of something to say that will keep the conversation going. I'll say something like "How was your day?" or "How was (whatever class you had previous)?" and I can literally feel myself becoming less interesting with every word. How do make good talk words?

[wierd]

Pretty much what the title says. How do people get to be good at just talking? I do okay talking about the very specific kinds of stuff I know enough about to carry a conversation (computer graphics, video equipment, anime, video games, other nerdy and computer-related things) but outside of that I hardly ever have things to say. A thread will end and then I'll just be sitting there with a dumb look on my face, trying to think of something to say that will keep the conversation going. I'll say something like "How was your day?" or "How was (whatever class you had previous)?" and I can literally feel myself becoming less interesting with every word. How do make good talk words?

Practice makes perfect.

Turn off the phone, and talk with people who are not on the phone.
No, you cant use a tablet or laptop instead.

Believe it or not, people used to "hang out" together, instead of texting and chatting.

[Max White]

Cheat, I always do. Just ask them questions about themselves, makes the conversation go more easily for you when they are doing all the talking, and you will find the vast majority of people in what we call real life are big fans of talking about themselves. Heck if anything it makes you seem like a more caring person than just talking about your own hobbies.

[scrdest]

Cheat, I always do. Just ask them questions about themselves, makes the conversation go more easily for you when they are doing all the talking, and you will find the vast majority of people in what we call real life are big fans of talking about themselves. Heck if anything it makes you seem like a more caring person than just talking about your own hobbies.

More broadly: talk about the things you have in common. If you listen to the other person talking about himself and cannot relate, the person will like you, but you will walk away bored. If you talk about something the other person cannot relate to, S/HE will walk away bored. And surprisingly, people don't like to be bored.

Well, how to find out what to talk about, you ask? That's literally the whole point of asking 'How's your day' or the like - to find something you can use as an opening to a less pointless conversation.

So, if you ask 'How was your day' and the person replies 'Oh, my computer broke down, so I had to go all the way across the town to get it repaired' you can follow up with asking what kind of computer the person has, for example.

Of course, you should also be able to recognize when you are boring the person, and in that case switch topics to something else.

[LordBucket]

How to be a better offline conversationalist?

1) Practice by talking to people

2) Listen more than talk. Pay attention to what others say. Most people are more interested in talking than listening. Obliging them is not difficult.

3) Don't stress too much over the "finding common interests" thing. That fails if you have no common interests, and being absolutely fascinated by someone talk about something you know nothing about will often engage them just as well. Plus by listening you expand your own knowledge pool and increase the number of things you know about and can talk about. What one person tells you about while you listen one day might be something you cn talk about with someone else the next.

3) If you ever find yourself completely stumped for a response, repeat the trailing few words of what they just said and turn it into a question. Example: "I love underwater basket weaving and my lifelong dream is to get rhinoplasty." --> "You want to get rhinoplasty?"

4) Sing to yourself often in private. The voice is like a muscle. The more your work it the stronger it gets. Having a pleasing voice will make you more pleasant to talk to regardless of what you say.

5) (Advanced) Mimic their language, body language and energy level. If someone greets you with "hello" responding with "hello" will tend to get a better result than responding with "sup, dude." Examine their word choice. If they're talking about their children, then talk to them about their children, not their kids. If someone is speaking really fast and with enthusiasm and cheer, responding slowly and deliberately might bore them. If they're speaking slowly and deliberately, speaking fast and with enthusiasm might tend to make them feel drained. Be aware of your partner's mode of communication. Match them. Or at least meet them halfway.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Careful with LordBucket's #3: it can make you sound like a therapist.

"So how did that make you feel?"

A little different, but the feel feels the same.

[scrdest]

Careful with LordBucket's #3: it can make you sound like a therapist.

"So how did that make you feel?"

A little different, but the feel feels the same.

More like a chatbot, methinks.

[Garath]

I once kept a conversation going for about 30 minutes just by saying things like "really?" "uh-hu" "Ofcourse" "How so" and "tell me more", just to see how long I could keep things going, sadly I had to leave before the conversation came to an (awkward) end.

People love talking about themself and once you get some practise at getting them started, hardly any effort keeps them going and the best of all, people will really like you for being such a great listener. Surprisingly tough to stop is the habit of talking about yourself when you -don't- want to. Sometimes it's tough to let go of the spotlights.

One important thing I learned quite late is that, whenever someone tells something about themself (usually a problem because people love complaining), they don't want you to fix it or give advice, they just want a nod, a smile and some sympathy. It's for socializing, not organizing.

LordBucket gives great advice in his post, so, at this point, read it again

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Not to brag fellahs, but i've kept a 10min conversation going without doing anything except saying "great!" over and over again, albeit that person had A LOT to talk about.

In addition to Bucket's suggest of sing to yourself in private, also just speak nonsense to yourself. I mean if you can confidently speak nonsense, then you can confidently speak normally!

Or even better, take a speech class, you'll probably have to perform an impromptu speech where you dont get prep time, and let me tell you: if you can speak nonsense confidently in front of a classroom of your peers with even basic confidence, you'll find conversation comes easier!

[Max White]

Not to brag fellahs, but i've kept a 10min conversation going without doing anything except saying "great!" over and over again, albeit that person had A LOT to talk about.

Door to door Mormons don't count.

[LordSlowpoke]

is it that kind of thread now? well okay, i had a neonazi talk to me about jackets and horses and other stuff for fifty minutes

it was a monologue

[Muz]

There's a course on Public Speaking on EdX if you're interested.

You can also practice talking to yourself. Like the Sims! But do it in front of a webcam to know what you really sound like. Talk at full volume.

Also what LordBucket said. The best advice I got on conversations was "Don't be interesting. Be interested." Ask more about people and try to boost their ego and you'll have hours of conversations.

[wierd]

Not to brag fellahs, but i've kept a 10min conversation going without doing anything except saying "great!" over and over again, albeit that person had A LOT to talk about.

Door to door Mormons don't count.

Mormons? It's the Jehova's Witnesses in my area...

Fortunately JWs are VERY superstitious, and you can get rid of them very quickly if you know how. I'm not quite sure what the best way to get rid of a Mormon would be though...

As for offline conversations-- That's the main thing I do when I go visit my friend. Deliciously stimulating intellectual conversation is such a treat, I wouldnt even dream of wasting the opportunity.  He lives so far away though, that it takes special arrangements to go visit. I try to visit as often as I can though.

It's very rare indeed that I can let the 100$ words flow like water, but I can with my best friend. It's awesome.

[XXSockXX]

What LordBucket said.

Especially the part about picking up knowledge from people, I don't care much about sports for example, but over the years I have learned enough through osmosis that I'm able to sustain a sports conversation for a while if I really have to.

And the part about mimicking. That's incredibly useful if you have to talk to lots of people from different age/social backgrounds, people generally like people who are similar to themselves.

Additionally you can try and direct a conversation towards your area of expertise. But be careful to only throw bits in at first, never hit someone with the acoustic equivalent of a wall of text on a topic they don't care/know anything about.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Oh so check this out. I didn't realize this was so weird until a few weeks ago and I've ben doing it forever.

I lecture to myself.

When I'm in the shower, I'm explaining in my head about how to convert a house for zombie survival. Or how telephone wires work. Why our criminal justice system is important and better than anarchy. Or hypothesizing, like what would the machine that makes Fig Newtons look like?

Anyway, when I daydream I generally spend the time lecturing. Which is actually kinda crazy now that I think about it.

But the point of that is, practice through visualization. I heard an apocryphal story about a violinist who went to jail, unable to play, but imagined himself practicing all the time. When he got out he could still play. In reality, I can walk through a kata in my head, visualizing myself in first or third person, which helps me remember them when I can't work out. With martial arts it's worthwhile to imagine fighting situations and what kinds of things would and wouldn't work - then you go and test with props and furniture and update your imaginary scenarios.

So, talking to yourself may seem silly but it could help. I'd suggest you start playing games that use a lot of voice chat and really try to strike up conversations. It might be a stepping stone to talking more fluently in person if there's less pressure and distraction.