"Oshit."
Keep running and focusing! Death by radiation poisoning is probably slightly better than death by fire!
(2)
You run, alright.
Straight into a mailbox.
The remarkable part of this achievement is that it is probably the only standing mailbox in the entire city. In fact, it might be the only structure which has not been reduced to ruinous rubble!
The severe pain of running crotchfirst into a pointy wooden box makes it a little easier to ignore the severe pain of your brain melting, though.
6 turns to live!Revert time to such a state that I can continue my ascendance. Use loose chronitons released in the explosion.
(6)
Reaching out into the luminous aether with your mind, you grasp the very particles used in the creation of Time itself! Quickly, you create an eddy in the timestream, a whirling vortex to send you back from whence you came, back to the very moment of cataclysm, where you can suffuse your very being in the chronitons released by the nuclear holocaust and become a being like unto a god! You find yourself floating above City Hall at the heart of downtown, and turn your euphoric gaze to the sky, where even now the first bombs are falling toward you, their primal energies prepared to serve as a catalyst for your ascension!You regain consciousness!
You rather wish you were still asleep. Dreamland is a much happier place.
7 turns to live! - Odin is at my side at the glorious day of Ragnarok!
Since two targets are in sight, burn the one who is not running away.
Dive-tackle the Nazi before he can cook me in my flight-suit. Pin him under weight of lead lining.
Comrade P (1) vs Dorsidwarf (2)
Random Symptom Table: (15)
Comrade P ignores the pathetic flight of Toaster, and turns his flamethrower on the Victim Who Fell From The Sky. The VWFFTS has plans that do not involve being roasted by a maniacal Nazi, however, and quickly tackles Comrade P to the ground, pinning the flamethrower nozzle between their grappling bodies!
As Comrade P is pinned by the untermensch, he comes to a horrifying realization.
He has Leukemia now!
Well, at least it's only the third-most-likely thing to kill him.
7 turns to live!Symptoms exhibited: Leukemia! 7/15Take the priest's right hand, the cassock, and start praying that I, too, will be granted a place in heaven near Harry's wife's friend from yoga. Also use the right hand to perform some rites?
(3)
Frantically, you mentally run through everything you've ever seen a priest do in your life. You've never seen Last Rites performed, but a lot of the various rites and sacraments and whatever seem to have a lot of stuff in common, so hopefully you can get close enough.
Donning the tattered cassock, you begin crossing yourself with the priest's right hand as you speak Holy Words of Prayer.
Oh God, Heavenly King, Almighty God and Father, We worship you, We give you praise, We ask that we may be given a seat in Heaven nigh unto Harry's Wife's Friend from Yoga. We ask this as our Last Right, in our moment of radiation-induced weakness, as we die of the nuclear bombs You allowed to be dropped on our city, in Thy infinite wisdom and mercy. We ask O Lord that Harry's Wife's Friend from Yoga also be restored to the bootylicious state she occupied in life, as opposed to the pulsating mass of flesh she now holds in death, for we know Harry's Wife's Friend from Yoga was a most holy woman who gave much joy to all she touched in life, particularly those of the penile persuasion. We ask this through Christ, Our Lord, Amen.You then bop yourself on the head with the severed hand, then painstakingly cross the index and middle fingers. Because Jesus likes crosses, or something. You never could quite figure it out, but what the Big Man wants, the Big Man gets.
You feel this was a quality use of your time.
7 turns to live!>Loot.
(2)
You find yourself in the shattered apocalyptic remains of the city. Nuclear apocalypse, it looks like. Unfortunately, you'd spent most of your time in preparation for a zombie apocalypse, so you don't have a preparedness plan ready to go. In its absence, you rely on instinct to guide you, the urges of thousands of years of city-dwellers guiding your steps.
You run into the nearest pile of rubble and begin looting!
Unfortunately, you don't find any plasma TVs, booze, razor blades, or expensive cars. You DO find a particularly large and jagged rock, though.
9 turns to live!(may I join too?)
Hotwire a fast-looking cop car, drive towards the next nearest city with a hospital that I can recall.
(5)
Knowing your time on this Earth is limited, you act quickly! You hotwire the fastest police car you can find (i.e the one with round, non-melted wheels,) and drive into action, jouncing over the piles of rubble which clog the city streets.
You vaguely wonder how long a turn is, and whether that's enough time to get to another city.
9 turns to live!This looks fun.
Mutate into an elephant.
(3)
You mutate into an elephant!
Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. You work at the zoo (due to your abiding love and respect for pachyderms,) and you had been scrubbing the backside of mighty Ramses when the bombs dropped. You haven't so much "mutated into" Ramses so much as your cooked flesh has "fused with" the big elephant.
Also, Ramses is dead.
9 turns to live!Try to live forever
(3)
So far, so good!
9 turns to live!Get my Shotgun that I was saving for the zombie apocalypse and go looking through the ruins of nearby hospitals
(3)
Breaking into your Zombie Preparedness Kit, you withdraw your trusty shotgun, as much ammo as you can stuff in your pockets, and run off to the nearest hospital!
There doesn't seem to be much here, apart from some guy eating rocks. And a guy in a Delorean? Hedging your bets, you introduce yourself as Marty. This is a good plan.
9 turns to live!Sip my martini while sunbathing on the beach outside of the Cliché Spy Villains Association, cackling maniacally about ordering the deaths of so many innocents from such a obviously safe and not about to be retaliated against in any way location.
(4)
Ah, the Cliche Spy Villains Association, a scarily-competent organization dedicated to freelance terrorism and espionage. You're not sure why your client wanted a city to be so thoroughly irradiated, but hey, the money is good and the martini's are intoxicating.
Your mouth feels warm and tingly.
Reacting quickly, you roll out of your cheap beach lounge chair as assassins rise out of the sands, spraying the area with bullets. Drawing a pistol from your fancy suit, you quickly dispatch the sand-blinded marksmen. Your assailants don't seem to have planned this hit out very well.
OR HAVE THEY!?!
Remembering your increasingly painful mouth tingle, you whip out your Geiger counter, grimacing at the high readings it gives when inserted into your mouth. Someone has poisoned you with Radiation! PlutoniRum, the oldest trick in the book.
9 turns to live!check inventory, scramble into hospital wreckage, searching for and eating anything that will help me
(1)
Random Symptom Table: (11)
As everyone else clears out of the hospital, you dive right in, knowing that the cure must be in there somewhere!
If you eat
everything, you're bound to eat the cure sooner or later!
You quickly begin shoving rocks, dust, bits of metal, dry pill-shaped pieces of plastic, and did I mention dust into your mouth-hole. You can't keep up the pace for long though, as the effort of swallowing all this stuff makes you quite fatigued.
Wait, no. You've swallowed way worse than this before.
It's the radiation.8 turns to live!Symptom exhibited: Fatigue! 8/15Get zombie virus from my laboratory. Time to go out with a (metaphorical) bang!
(2)
Wiping the last of the bile from your lips, you race through the city. This is it, the moment you've been waiting for! A chance to show the world the power of your experiments! They said you were mad, and maybe you are, but now you're a dead man anyway, so it's time to see if-
Your laboratory has been reduced to a slag heap!
Your precious mutagens, buried and smashed!
This is the second worst thing to happen to you today!
8 turns to live!Get the other legit pills in the legit bunker, than take my legit M1A1 Abrams take with legit zombie serum shells that take any origanic matter and convert it into L4D 2 zombies.
(3)
Quickly crawling out of your
toy chest bunker, you make your way to
the bottom of your closet your other bunker, where you find more
sugar pills legit Radex! You quaff the whole bottle for good measure. Your
Mom's basement stairs dimensional vortex seems to be blocked at the moment, but you manage to squirm out
the window an emergency escape portal. Heading over to your
Mom's car legit M1A1 Abrams Tank (which fortunately was not parked in the now-ruined
garage motorpool,) you start it up, which is easy because
Mom left her keys on the dash you are a highly trained professional, as usual. Grabbing your
bottles of tapwater zombie serum shells, you get ready for some mayhem.
8 turns to live!Action: Get working on my Dalorean time machine-we've got to save the future...by saving the past!
(4)
You've got to get back to the future! Or rather, the past! It all mixes together. It's not so much a timeline as it is a big wibbley wobbly timey wimey ball. The point is, you'd rather not die of radiation poisoning, and since there's no cure for this dosage you need to prevent yourself from ever being dosed!
Luckily, your Delorean survived the blast, more or less. It's not gonna win any car shows, but just like a woman, it's not the beauty on the outside that counts, its the highly advanced technology made out of spare parts purchased from Radio Shack on the inside that counts!
You've never tested it, but there's not much time for that now, is there? Theoretically, all you need is 2.21 jigawatts of power and enough room to get up to 88mph for this to work.
9 turns to live!Develop my phsychic powers.
(5)
Pshurely, you think to yourpshelf, you pshould be able to manifest some impressive pshycic powers as a repshult of this mipshap! Pshuddenly, you are pshtruck by the realizapshion that that is not the typo you made in the first place.
You psheem to be able to break the fourth wall now!
9 turns to live!
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Topic: Roll to Slowly Die of Radiation Poisoning After A Nuclear Attack? (Read 10074 times)