Sing to the heavens and ascend to my astral form. Radiation elementaaaaaaal!
(1)
Random Symptom Table: (
Your Energy Tongue positively trills with the joy of its creation! Truly, you are the next step in human evolution! Now, to transcend this plane of existence and be-
Your Energy Tongue falls off!
Your joyous hymn of universal paradigm comes to a rough end, as it's rather hard to sing without a tongue. It's more of a blorble, actually. Before you can figure out exactly what just happened, you collapse to the ground, unconscious.
8 turns to live!Symptom exhibited: Unconsciousness! 6/15Pray to have a vision of my wife's friend from yoga whose name I never bothered to properly learn that fateful night. Ask God to put me somewhere near her in heaven, if possible. Ignore the horrid diarrhea as well.
(6)
You know, the broad horror of having everyone you've ever known die in a messy fashion in front of you really helps you with your priorities. This is good, because you aren't used to your priorities being reduced to about 8 turns of life and an eternity(?) of not-life, so you need all the help you can get.
Even in death, your wife's friend from yoga still has an amazing butt. Like, holy shit.
Definitely better than your wife's butt, which currently resembles a loose pile of pork-flavored gelatin, a description not unlike what it was in life. Knowing that you have a limited time to get your eternal rewards plan in order, you quickly get down on your knees and pray.
O God, Father in Heaven, maker of all things bootylicious, as my reward for a lifetime of good deeds and fidelity to a talking sack of water and sausage meat, I beseech thee to give me a room near unto my wife's yoga friend in the afterlife, that booty calls may be quick and efficient to organize, as well as pleasing to the senses. Amen.The poo on your legs begins to dry. You take this as a sign of God's approval.
8 turns to live!Wait for the bomb to explode and kill me.
(4)
As you wipe the last of your retch away from your mouth, you begin to laugh. You laugh, of course, because you're winning. The enemy (whoever
that is,) is not going to succeed in killing you via radiation poisoning! No sir, you're going to die of terminal bombing!
...
Bloody hell this is taking a long time. Okay, let's see. Uh. How long is the timer set for? It's hard to tell, there's a lot of bile on it. Is that a carrot? When was the last time I ate carrots? When was the last time I ate any vegetables at all? I suppose this is a blessing in disguise, death by vitamin deficiency isn't supposed to be very pleasant either.... doo de doo. I hope this bomb isn't set for, like, an hour or something. Or two hours. Or a day. What if it's set for a day, in case we needed to leave behind a trap in case the base was overrun? I don't remember how quickly radiation poisoning is lethal, but it's not terribly long, I know that. Maybe if I start digging again I can find a gun or a knife or actually I could just use a jagged bit of masonry to-The bomb explodes!
Death by self-destruct-sequence!Here should be music: Carl Orf - O, Fortuna
Walk in random destination, seeking for another untermensch. Any unfortunate on my way should do either.
(5)
What luck! You didn't have to walk far at all; Toaster is right around the next bend, doing...
something with his head. Whatever. You got over here so fast, it didn't even take up a turn of your life!
8 turns to live!Clearly the headache is just a sign of the oncoming benefits of radiation! Embrace it!
(4)
Wait, you've seen this in movies and videogames and stuff. The first transformation sequence is usually pretty hairy, but at the end of it you'll have neat powers, like telekinesis or psiblasts or something. All you've got to do is focus on fighting through the wall of pain, and...
You successfully transform into somebody who can move without blinding head pain!
Oh hey that Nazi caught up.
7 turns to live!Go to heaven. Or, if the afterlife was atomized as well, get trapped as a shadowy ghost constantly reenacting their own death for the benefit of no-one.
You are dead. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. You may, however, express your feelings of alienation as a number between 1 and 10 (1 being Girl Next Door, and 10 being Xenomorph)
Take anti-radiation bills from my hidden bunker in a pocket dimension.
(3)
Rummaging through your Fallout 3 Collector's Edition bonus material, you quickly come up with a bottle of pills! You quickly quaff the whole bottle. You decide against reading the ingredients label; you're happier this way anyway.
You debate climbing out of
your old toy chest your hidden bunker in a pocket dimension, but decide to sit tight for the moment.
9 turns to live!Descend. Thank stars for lead-lined suit. Try to avoid hillbillies with guns
(3)
Descending is not the hard part. That's basically where your chair is going anyway. The hard part is not landing in the middle of the gathering lynch mob.
You wiggle side to side in your seat, attempting to sway your chair towards an open LZ near the former Kitten and Fluffy Pillow Repository, but a blast of searing wind blows you back toward the lynch mob. Desperately, you cut the chute, dropping the rest of the way to earth. You bounce, roll, and somehow find yourself with all of your limbs intact at the bottom of a pile of rubble.
A Nazi and a lunatic are here. There is a white mailbox here.
8 turns to live!
Author
Topic: Roll to Slowly Die of Radiation Poisoning After A Nuclear Attack? (Read 10274 times)