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[Zivilin]

I'm not a particularly artistically-inclined sort of individual (neither art nor song nor writing), but I was listening to Gilbert and Sullivans' "The Mikado" when I was overcome by a powerful compulsion. I simply had to somehow experience a version of "I've Got a Little List" in a Dwarf Fortressy setting. It appears that Dwarf Fortress does not inspire many, hm, 'song parodies', and "I've Got a Little List" was, unsurprisingly, one among many. So after much deliberation I took it upon myself to create at least a shadow of my heart's desire. Here's to hoping someone much more gifted is inspired to realise this rather odd concept to its full potential.

So without further ado... <clears throat>


I've Got a Little List (An Oveseer's Lament)

THE OVERSEER
As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've go a little list, I've got a little list,
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!
There's those pestilential nuisances who party months on end,
Despite the couple hundred tasks to which they should attend,
There's those immigrants who can make cheese, but have no skills in war,
Our fortress houses ten like you, so why would we need more?
All little dwarven children who do nothing but persist!
They'd none of them be missed — they'd none of them be missed!

CHORUS
He's got them on the list — he's got them on the list,
And they'll none of them be missed — they'll none of them be missed.

THE OVERSEER
There's the competent Engraver who obsessively draws goats,
And thinks that he's an artist - that loon will not be missed!
And those irritating Marksdwarves who refuse to pick up bolts,
and on melee fights insist - They surely won't be missed!
There's the craftsdwarf who is moody - I am sure this rings a bell -
He has ore, wood and gemstones, yet insists he needs a shell.
There's the legendary weaponsmith, the pride of all his kin,
Whose pinnacle of craftsdwarfship's a sword that's made of tin.
Every artifact creator who just could not get the gist,
On mugs you so insist, so I've put you on the list.

CHORUS
He's got them on the list — he's got them on the list,
And they'll none of them be missed — they'll none of them be missed.

THE OVERSEER
There's the overeager hammerer whose job gets him too riled,
and cracks skulls with his fist - I'm sure he won't be missed!
And the crazy warrior-mother who joins battle with her child,
As if he could assist - I've got her on the list.
There's the trouble-making noble - the uncompromising kind -
whose constant stream of mandates are enough to lose your mind.
To reform him there is magma, upright spikes or syndrome stew -
The choice of fitting punishment I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of them be missed — they'd none of them be missed!

CHORUS
He's got them on the list — he's got them on the list,
And they'll none of them be missed — they'll none of them be missed.

[YvAd]

This is freaking awesome!

[Grim Portent]

Simply fantastic. +1 dorfiness to you.

[GhostDwemer]

Very nice! A while back, I tried to do the Major General song, dwarf style, but didn't get very far.

I am the very model of a modern Dwarven general
I've information vegetable, animal and mineral
I know the Kings of Dwarfdom, and I quote the forts historical
from Boatmurdered To Battlefailed in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

(So far so good, right? But what to do with the next bit?)

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Dwarven General.

(Hmm.)

I know our mythic history, from Urvad to Cacame...


And that's about all I've got. Zivilin's is much better.

[Bihlbo]

Terrific job! This is just delightful! Also, it is a credit to their masterful cadence that this can be sung without the slightest clue concerning the intended tune.

[Zivilin]

Your kind words are much appreciated 

Very nice! A while back, I tried to do the Major General song, dwarf style, but didn't get very far.

[...]

To be fair, "I've got a Little List" (or "As Someday it May Happen", I suppose should be saying) is much more... malleable. I mean, it actually has a history of having lyrics adjusted to fit current trends/events.  And the subject matter is almost a perfect match for Dwarf Fortress - there's no shortage of dwarven behaviours that lead to exasperation. The Major General song, on the other hand, is more or less performed much the same way as it was originally, and doesn't leave too much room for modifications - unless You're ready to go further with them,  breaking away from the original... lyrical constructions? I'm not certain if that's the proper expression, but I'm sure You get the gist (if not, You're on the list )

Terrific job! This is just delightful! Also, it is a credit to their masterful cadence that this can be sung without the slightest clue concerning the intended tune.

Personally - knowing the tune, I simply can't imagine it sung any other way (limitations of the imagination), so I'll take Your word on that ^_^

[doublestrafe]

As an absolute stickler for meter, especially where Gilbert and Sullivan are concerned, I'd go with "ore and wood and gemstones", but in all other respects this is absolutely perfect!

Edit:

So I couldn't help it. I took a stab at Modern Major-General. I was trying to give GhostDwemer some pointers, and I accidentally the whole thing. It's a disease, I think. Please imagine the chorus bits as being noted.

I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility,
I justify my mandates by my consummate facility
I know the Kings of Dwarfdom, and I quote the forts historical
from Boatmurdered To Battlefailed in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
With difference-engine fortresses, that's never problematical.
I'll rattle off the answers as the mechanism calculates
As soon as we can get the giant badgers off the pressure-plates.

I'm very good at designating tunnels to be dug for me,
Directly underneath the dorms where children slumber snugfully,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

I know our lore historical, like Cacame the Elven-king,
Or Urvad Goblin-Conqueror, or any Dwarf worth mentioning,
I'm quite a dab chirurgeon for diseases most maleficent,
And if your legs get amputated I'll know where your chausses went.
I studied at Ubenudil, my alma mater reverenced,
And proudly bear a doctorate of saponific eminence,
I can construct a masterpiece of lipid and of alkali
And further, prove the rumor you can make it out of talc a lie.

I've got a sweet demeanor that's a hit at all festivities,
So no-one minds if I demand a sop to my proclivities,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

In military matters, I have studied all the elements,
And all the cunning strategies, like "Don't embark with elephants."
My adamantine weapon cuts a most imposing silhouette,
Though what possessed me to make it a battle-hammer I forget,
To labour I'm accustomed well; I'm not a dwarf of lassitude,
I pulled a lever once--though I'm a bit above such crassitude,
I'll gladly smooth a hallway square -- I'll finish in a week or less,
Though asking me to do it's the epitome of cheekiness.

When I construct a staircase you will find it quite unwreckable,
And at prevarication I've a manner that's impeccable.
And so, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

[Nyxalinth]

There is so much win on this page.  The forums can't handle awesome of this magnitude!

[GhostDwemer]

YAY! This is so much more awesome than anything I could have come up with. So funny!

[DS]

As an absolute stickler for meter, especially where Gilbert and Sullivan are concerned, I'd go with "ore and wood and gemstones", but in all other respects this is absolutely perfect!

Edit:

So I couldn't help it. I took a stab at Modern Major-General. I was trying to give GhostDwemer some pointers, and I accidentally the whole thing. It's a disease, I think. Please imagine the chorus bits as being noted.

I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility,
I justify my mandates by my consummate facility
I know the Kings of Dwarfdom, and I quote the forts historical
from Boatmurdered To Battlefailed in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
With difference-engine fortresses, that's never problematical.
I'll rattle off the answers as the mechanism calculates
As soon as we can get the giant badgers off the pressure-plates.

I'm very good at designating tunnels to be dug for me,
Directly underneath the dorms where children slumber snugfully,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

I know our lore historical, like Cacame the Elven-king,
Or Urvad Goblin-Conqueror, or any Dwarf worth mentioning,
I'm quite a dab chirurgeon for diseases most maleficent,
And if your legs get amputated I'll know where your chausses went.
I studied at Ubenudil, my alma mater reverenced,
And proudly bear a doctorate of saponific eminence,
I can construct a masterpiece of lipid and of alkali
And further, prove the rumor you can make it out of talc a lie.

I've got a sweet demeanor that's a hit at all festivities,
So no-one minds if I demand a sop to my proclivities,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

In military matters, I have studied all the elements,
And all the cunning strategies, like "Don't embark with elephants."
My adamantine weapon cuts a most imposing silhouette,
Though what possessed me to make it a battle-hammer I forget,
To labour I'm accustomed well; I'm not a dwarf of lassitude,
I pulled a lever once--though I'm a bit above such crassitude,
I'll gladly smooth a hallway square -- I'll finish in a week or less,
Though asking me to do it's the epitome of cheekiness.

When I construct a staircase you will find it quite unwreckable,
And at prevarication I've a manner that's impeccable.
And so, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

This is wonderful. I love G&S, you've really succeeded at keeping the meter singable. I was even able to imagine my friend (a patter baritone) performing this as I read through it. Bravo!

[GhostDwemer]

Here it is, the best G&S parody on the web, Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back" set to Pirates of Penzance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkJdEFf_Qg4

You will laugh until it hurts.

[Zivilin]

As an absolute stickler for meter, especially where Gilbert and Sullivan are concerned, I'd go with "ore and wood and gemstones", but in all other respects this is absolutely perfect!

I did actually consider that lyric. Having no musical education nor vocabulary, this will be a slightly pathetic explanation, but here it is anyway.

Since I am completely unaware of the proper way of applying lyrics to a melody, and appear to have no innate talent, my method was fairly analytical. I have fair pitch recognition and I can carry a tune, so I simply wrote out some promising lyrics which appeared to rhyme, and sang them out loud to see if they fit the melody the same way the original lyrics did. If they didn't, I rearranged the words or tried to find a different rhyme. This process was repeated ad nauseum.

So with that as background knowledge, the original lyrics of that section are:

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;

It seems to me that the... accent? of the second verse should be falling on the second syllable, "all centuries...". However I try, when I use "He has ore and wood and gemstones, yet insists he needs a shell" it appears the the accent is falling on the "ore" part, and the "has" is getting... silenced? merged with "he"? Like... "he-as ore and wood and gemstones, yet insists he needs a shell"? Does that make any semblance of sense?

I'm not pleased with what I settled for, I suppose, because the "ore" and "wood" also get somehow merged into... not one syllable, but a single phrase, the mythical "orewood".

In any case, I am completely unqualified to discuss these things, so I shall defer to Your judgement ^_^

So I couldn't help it. I took a stab at Modern Major-General. I was trying to give GhostDwemer some pointers, and I accidentally the whole thing. It's a disease, I think. Please imagine the chorus bits as being noted.

I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility,
I justify my mandates by my consummate facility
I know the Kings of Dwarfdom, and I quote the forts historical
from Boatmurdered To Battlefailed in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
With difference-engine fortresses, that's never problematical.
I'll rattle off the answers as the mechanism calculates
As soon as we can get the giant badgers off the pressure-plates.

I'm very good at designating tunnels to be dug for me,
Directly underneath the dorms where children slumber snugfully,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

I know our lore historical, like Cacame the Elven-king,
Or Urvad Goblin-Conqueror, or any Dwarf worth mentioning,
I'm quite a dab chirurgeon for diseases most maleficent,
And if your legs get amputated I'll know where your chausses went.
I studied at Ubenudil, my alma mater reverenced,
And proudly bear a doctorate of saponific eminence,
I can construct a masterpiece of lipid and of alkali
And further, prove the rumor you can make it out of talc a lie.

I've got a sweet demeanor that's a hit at all festivities,
So no-one minds if I demand a sop to my proclivities,
In short, as I am justified by consummate facility
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

In military matters, I have studied all the elements,
And all the cunning strategies, like "Don't embark with elephants."
My adamantine weapon cuts a most imposing silhouette,
Though what possessed me to make it a battle-hammer I forget,
To labour I'm accustomed well; I'm not a dwarf of lassitude,
I pulled a lever once--though I'm a bit above such crassitude,
I'll gladly smooth a hallway square -- I'll finish in a week or less,
Though asking me to do it's the epitome of cheekiness.

When I construct a staircase you will find it quite unwreckable,
And at prevarication I've a manner that's impeccable.
And so, as I am justified by consummate facility,
I am the very model of the modern dwarf nobility.

Bravo, this is precisely the exalted level of songsmithing I wished to achieve, yet could not due to inability. Even the language used is sublime. And You work fast, too. I labored for over two weeks to get what You see, and Your edit timestamp would suggest You managed to complete a similar volume in under 3 hours? Magnificent. Spectacular. Awe-inspiring.

[doublestrafe]

So with that as background knowledge, the original lyrics of that section are:

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;

It seems to me that the... accent? of the second verse should be falling on the second syllable, "all centuries...". However I try, when I use "He has ore and wood and gemstones, yet insists he needs a shell" it appears the the accent is falling on the "ore" part, and the "has" is getting... silenced? merged with "he"? Like... "he-as ore and wood and gemstones, yet insists he needs a shell"? Does that make any semblance of sense?

I'm not pleased with what I settled for, I suppose, because the "ore" and "wood" also get somehow merged into... not one syllable, but a single phrase, the mythical "orewood".

The accent, precisely. The thing about the line "All centuries but this..." is that it starts half a beat later than the previous line. If you were to replace it with "Every century but this..." you would place the accent like so: "EV'ry CENtuRY but THIS..." That's the same way I was singing "HE has ORE and WOOD and GEMstones..." If you start it that half-beat later, you get what you were singing: "(beat) he's ORE and WOOD and GEMstones..." (which is actually not so bad, as contracting "he has" to "he's" is quite apropos for the piece, and means you have a place to take a breath).

Without the "and", I'd imagine you're singing "(beat) he HAS ore WOOD and GEMstones," which is why you're hearing "orewood". As I'm not as familiar with this piece, and wasn't paying attention to the original line, my solution was to move the beginning of the line earlier, into that first empty beat, and insert the "and" to fill the gap.

That said, if you don't know anything about metrical feet and iambic vs. trochaic meter, and you still came up with a filk of this caliber, I am even more impressed, and I doff my ≡sheep wool cap≡ to you. (No, it's not a fedora. You're allowed to talk like this when you're discussing Gilbert and Sullivan.)

I totally understand your situation, by the way--my first exposure to "Modern Major-General" (besides "The Elements") was the Animaniacs episode H. M. S. Yakko, in which Yakko does exactly the same thing with a particular line. In this case, it's "(beat) I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright / Then make up with flowers made of real exploding dynamite." Because of the subconscious influence of that shortened line, I fought with myself over "I can construct a masterpiece of lipid and of alkali", wanting to shorten it to "I'll construct...." I only caught that on the third revision.

Bravo, this is precisely the exalted level of songsmithing I wished to achieve, yet could not due to inability.

Nonsense. Yours flows much more naturally. Mine's barely a draft that still needs to be hammered into shape. Some of the rhymes are weak (particularly "elements/elephants"; the song calls for a much more feminine rhyme), and some lines need to be sung with acCENT on the wrong sylLAble. Also, technically, "saponific" is not a word. But still, thank you!