Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Pancaek]

in the vegetable kingdom

"Hardly a suicide mission, my dears! You may have doubts about the basics of the plan, good sirs, but that is largely because both of my companions are, despite their attempts to maintain the opposite, idiots! Or, rather, lacking in imagination and ability to adapt! It's always 'we can't do this!' or 'you're insane!' with them. Tiresome is what it is, no? Imagine if everyone were to second guess your every move!"

"See, the thing is, we are only going to manage to slay the vile tomato through some good old fashioned subterfuge. And I hate to say it, but hideous mutants such as ourselves, while capable of subterfuge on a theoretical level, have far less versatility at it than a native of this land would. And the wealth of information and options that taking even one of you along would provide would be invaluable! There would be little to no combat involved if things go well, and you can safely leave your uniforms and armor at home if you want to follow! Take the weapons, though, since this is theoretically an assassination mission, yes?"

Are all of these fellows of the cabbage-like persuasion, or is there variety among them?

You look around at the gathered watchmen, scanning their faces. The majority of them are cabbages, with many potatoes amongst their ranks as well. You also spot a single carrot, sitting next to the commander (who is a potato). You also spot a large man sitting at the bar, his skin is white and rather bumpy, a cauliflower if you ever saw one.

Their commander listens to what you have to say.

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt. Not like we're gonna be able to hold out if they besiege the city anyway. You can have anyone who volunteers, and our limited armoury is open for you as well. But I have to ask, I do hope you have a more concrete plan than that, yes?"

Yeeeeeeeeeeesssssss...
Start zapping Nosegay for no real reason.

You walk up behind Nosegay who is talking to the Night Watch commander and put your hand in his shoulder. [8+1] Tiny sparks jump off of Nosegay's body as he goes rigid and shakes violently. Foam forms at his lips and he falls limply to the ground. ((Nosegay can regain consciousness by next turn.))

Some of the watchman jump up, brandishing their truncheons and yelling at you to put you hands behind your head.

In the pub next to the great bridge

"Rest here. A good bed will be nice."

"All right then, see you in the morning."
And with that you both go to your respective rooms. You drop down onto the bed and drift off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The both of you meet up in front of the inn at the break of dawn as the dwarf is setting up his coach. You take place next to him at the front of the heavely laden thing and he snaps the reins. The two horses start off and you cross the bridge.

"Well, the weather's good at least. We'll arrive at the the orc village in about 2 to 3 hours or so. Better get ready, there will be a welcome committee ready to ask you your business, it's their tradition."

In a small farming village.

"This will do fine, fine indeed~"[/i]

Collect all rewards.

((She's a pirate after all. :p))

You motion for the farmhand to follow you as you go and pick up your rewards. The elder hands you a very nicely kept chainmail shirt and a rather peculiar scimitar. There's something odd about it, but you can't quite put your finger on it. However, you decide that you can always inspect it later, right now you have rewards to pick up. You head towards the village storeroom. The elder was certainly telling the truth, the place is well stocked with all kinds of alcoholic beverages derived from apples. You grab four bottles and stuff them in your bags for later, and grab a large bottle for immediate use. And lastly, you head for the room the elder has set aside for you to spend the night. There is a warm glow from a fireplace. The bed is nearly king-sized.

"I'm...not entirely sure what you still need me for, miss. All the heavy lifting has already been done." the farmhands says, somewhat hesitantly.

In an elven city

Moskar looks down at the snivelling human before him with an expression of contempt.
He snorts, then makes an irritable gesture. "Calm yourself, punisshing you will not heal my arm nor benefit me in any way."

He glances thoughtfully from the slave to the elf commanding him, then looks back again and goes on, a lie coming easily to him,
"What would be usseful is you directing me to the nearby human ssettlement- or camp?- I have heard of. I lack currency for treatment at present, but I do have a payment scrip I can redeem with them for ssome gold. Then perhapsss I will be back."

>Ask this pathetic creature the whereabouts of the nearby humans I had heard were out here.
Lie and explain that I have a payment owed by them for some task or other.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

((Sorry for not posting earlier. >_______>
I'm very forgetful these days, not to mention easily distracted.))

You can clearly see the relief over the man's face. "The nearest human settlement would be an outpost east of this city, about a three hours journey, if I recall correctly. I shall tell the mistress that you are going to get money for her payment and return."

[The Froggy Ninja]

"Guys! He's going to be fine. Dwarves are good at that. And our main plan is to gain some form of transportation and do some recon on the fruit kingdoms capital. Once the traitor is out of his base my and my shock happy kitsune here will make with the zappy zappy and the good Lord shall be no more."

[Gamerlord]

"Guys! He's going to be fine. Dwarves are good at that. And our main plan is to gain some form of transportation and do some recon on the fruit kingdoms capital. Once the traitor is out of his base my and my shock happy kitsune here will make with the zappy zappy and the good Lord shall be no more."

((Should I or shouldn't I? Ah fuck it.))
Seanna blushes slightly.
He's fine... I think.

[smurfingtonthethird]

Keep an eye on the scenery and passers by. Engage in idle conversation.

[Harry Baldman]

While I'm unconscious, collect all my knowledge of the world thus far, using the well-known attribute of clowns having no proper dreams, only lucid periods of existence in a void of their own creation.

[Yoink]

Without further words, and indeed without even changing his displeased expression, Moskar turns and strides back outside.
He pauses only briefly to do up his cloak, pulling the hood over his head and doing his best to keep his arms- both the ruined mess of his bad one and the strange metallic surface of his good one- hidden beneath the fabric away from prying eyes.

>Leave the shop, and attempt to arrange my cloak in such a way that it disguises my features and hides my wounds.
Do a brief circuit of the elven settlement, then head for the human outpost- unless I happen to see a slave market of some sort.
In that case, go near that and observe from a discreet distance.

'I wonder if these elves re-sell slaves... I'm sure some of them might have some useful information that might be of value to the humans, if they were previously owned by nobility or such,' Moskar thinks as he walks, to himself and to his head's new occupant.
'Merely an idea- I have no idea just how this sordid process works. But we might as well take a look.'

[TCM]

"All the heavy lifting has been done?" Natasha purrs, encircling the farmhand. "Are you sure about that? I think it's only really begun~"

Give the farm-boy a proper lesson in homo-feline anatomy and reproduction.

[Pancaek]

In the vegetable kingdom

"Guys! He's going to be fine. Dwarves are good at that. And our main plan is to gain some form of transportation and do some recon on the fruit kingdoms capital. Once the traitor is out of his base my and my shock happy kitsune here will make with the zappy zappy and the good Lord shall be no more."

Seanna blushes slightly.
He's fine... I think.

The guardsmen aren't entirely convinced by your words, but the shouting has stopped and they seem a tad less agressive. The carrot guardsman walks up to Nosegay and looks him over.

"He's still breathing at least. He's fine, but I think it might be a bit before he wakes up."

While I'm unconscious, collect all my knowledge of the world thus far, using the well-known attribute of clowns having no proper dreams, only lucid periods of existence in a void of their own creation.

((I'm going to just give you some halucinations that have to do with the world and yourself, because writing out everything you know would take me a really long time. Do you have any specific things you'd like in your next dream/planar walk, or maybe just some things that your character would probably know that you want to know?))

You find yourself standing at the foot of a very familiar mountain. As you look back over your shoulder you see the great gates of your home mountain, the place you grew up in and then left to go on adventures. Your surroundings speed away underneath your feet and you suddenly find yourself in a very busy plaza. The great statue of Emperor Soleyl the first, his sword held triumphantly to the sky, stand between you and the great temple of the imperial capital. You remember fondly the days you spend on the streets of the capital entertaining and amusing young and old alike. ONce more the scenery flashes by and you find yourself on a horse, heading towards a the jagged crown. The sharp peaks of the ridge loom overhead as you pass through the eastern pass into the country of Uskaria. as you walk under the shadow of a large peak you find yourself sitting in the bar where you were lodging after this whole mess with the mist started. There doesn't seem to be anyone else in the room. After a while of sitting at the bar you hear the door open and close and you turn.

A skeleton wearing a fine pitch black suit is dusting off his hat as he walks towards you. When he speaks the skull doesn't move and you feel that the words aren't so much spoken as being projected straight into your head

mister ironfoundersson?

"Not quite, no, the name is Nosegay"

Ah, it seems the order got messed up somewhat. No matter, let's see

He holds out his hand and an hourglass appears. The frame is made out of gleaming metal and dark brown dust runs inside.

Not your time yet, it seems. Merely knocked unconscious, fortunately for you. Ah well, I shall be seeing you some other time then, mister Nosegay

The figure turns around and starts walking towards the door.

On the great bridge

Keep an eye on the scenery and passers by. Engage in idle conversation.

The journey continues onward as midday comes around. You pass along the river, its waters wild and treacherous. You do not pass many passers by, only the occasional imperial patrolmen. You make some idle conversation with the dwarf. He tells you that he originally came from these parts but set out to the empire to make a living as a merchant. He was just coming back to visit his relatives when the mist business struck.

You arrive at the outskirts of the orc village. The buildings are somewhat primitve, being made mostly out of wood and animal hides, but they look rather cosy and very functional. Three orcs come out to the road as you come closer. The largest one speaks in a thick, gutteral accent.
 
"Ho there, travellers. Wot is your business here?"

In an elven city

Without further words, and indeed without even changing his displeased expression, Moskar turns and strides back outside.
He pauses only briefly to do up his cloak, pulling the hood over his head and doing his best to keep his arms- both the ruined mess of his bad one and the strange metallic surface of his good one- hidden beneath the fabric away from prying eyes.

>Leave the shop, and attempt to arrange my cloak in such a way that it disguises my features and hides my wounds.
Do a brief circuit of the elven settlement, then head for the human outpost- unless I happen to see a slave market of some sort.
In that case, go near that and observe from a discreet distance.

'I wonder if these elves re-sell slaves... I'm sure some of them might have some useful information that might be of value to the humans, if they were previously owned by nobility or such,' Moskar thinks as he walks, to himself and to his head's new occupant.
'Merely an idea- I have no idea just how this sordid process works. But we might as well take a look.'

"I would assume they do sell the slaves. It seems like they're merely proprety to them, so it stands to reason. Also, I think that I might actually know some elvish, I'll try and translate if nessecary."

You exit the store, closing your cloak some more to hide your appearance somewhat. You make a tour around the settlement. You observe the guards barracks. They seem large enoug to hold at least a hundred men. The druid's mushroom is also rather impressive to look upon, though you idly wonder if they need to water it from time to time. Finally you go towards the square where all the ruckus seems to be coming from. You enter the crowd, pushing aside some elves to get a better view. In the middle fo the square is a platform, on which elves in bright yellow pointy hats are yelling into the crowd. Behind the elves in pointy heads you see several rows of people, most of them human but with some dwarves and other assorted races mixed in between.

"All right, let's see here. They're shouting all kinds of things here. 'Dwarven blacksmith for sale, only 200 lunares!' 'young maidens for sale, only 100 lunares, guaranteed obedient! Only 40 lunares when buying second hand!' 'Captured soldiers for sale, only 30 lunares. All have been gentled! Perfect for heavy labour, will live approximately 5 more years if well looked after!'. Ya know, stuff like that."

In a small farming village, in the bedroom

"All the heavy lifting has been done?" Natasha purrs, encircling the farmhand. "Are you sure about that? I think it's only really begun~"

Give the farm-boy a proper lesson in homo-feline anatomy and reproduction.

You take off your shirt, and you see that the farmhands is clearly blushing. "Oh, that kind of heavy lifting." he says shyly as you come closer and drag him into bed as dusk falls.
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine if you will, a few scenes. Two panther circling each other in the dense forests, the moisture from the air forming glistening drops on their fur and the movement of powerfull muscles beneath.
A vulcano, as the magma slowly but surely runs outwards with the occasional ball of fire shooting up.
The open sea, as it's surfaces rises and falls again and again in great waves. The waves become larger and larger as they near the land, before ultimately crashing into the cliffs, sending great splashes of water high into the sky.
And lastly, that of two cats lying close to eachother in front of the fireplace.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well now, that went better than expected. You feel yourself panting as you lay next to Paddy, resting your head on his arm. Looking out the window, the sun is rising on a new morning. You are both covered in sweat, but Paddy seems much less tired than you are. His technique was sub-par, quite expected of a farmboy from a remote village like this, but the man's stamina took you rather by surprise. You purr contently.

[Harry Baldman]

((I meant more what I know about the land of the veggies, which I assume is a different world, possibly incorrectly.))

What a hilarious misunderstanding that was. Turn around and shrug comically.

[Yoink]

Moskar Byal could not help but bare his fangs in anger and disgust at the idea of captured soldiers being "gentled".
Still, he resisted the temptation to draw a blade and hack indiscriminately into the elves around him- both his injuries and his cold-blooded common sense helped with that. For now, he watches, eyes narrowed as he silently scans the scene before him.
'I shall be sure to 'gentle' a few of these craven elves, when I get the chance. Although gentle is perhaps the wrong word.'

Keep watching, for now- wait until I see someone actually make a purchase, observe just what procedure is followed to do so.
Think violent thoughts involving elves, and wonder just how well voice-in-head will be able to translate what I need.
Hopefully he's like the fantasy equivalent of that Lonely Planet phrasebook I read once, which was pretty much all about hiring *ahem* adult entertainers...

Spoiler: OOC (click to show/hide)

Oh gawds. >______> Poor Paddy... no doubt this will awaken something in him. Never again will the village housecats be safe.

[Pancaek]

---mini-turn---

In the vegetable kingdom

((I meant more what I know about the land of the veggies, which I assume is a different world, possibly incorrectly.))

What a hilarious misunderstanding that was. Turn around and shrug comically.

((Ah, sorry, I misunderstood. I'll give you most of the info that comes to mind, don't hesitate to ask if there's anything I missed.))

You hear the door open and close behind you. Once more you are alone in the little realm inside of your head. You focus on your knowledge of the strange land that you find yourself in at this moment. You don't seem to know much in-depth, but the general outline is rather clear to you. You jumped into some sort of portal back in Uskaria which transported you to this world. You're not sure across what you were transported, however. The entire thing is a single continent divided into three nations: vegetables, fruits and free foodstuffs. The fruits and vegetables are at war with eachother, with the fruits winning. The free foodstuffs are a neutral party in the conflict, though free foodstuff mercenaries fights on both sides. The people who inhabit these lands all seem to have skin like various vegetables and fruits.

As you're seeing all of the information flash before your eyes, someone taps you on the shoulder. Startled, you turn around only the find yourself staring into the empty sockets of a skull. Only, they aren't actually empty. As you stare into them, you find yourself staring into two tiny spheres of blue light. Even though they aren't physically large they fill you with a sense of vastness beyond your imagination and of great power that sends shivers down your spine.

We cannot have you hang around here unconscious, young man. You still have quite a long way to go, best not to dawdle. And tell the angel that we are watching his progress, always.

You open your eyes. Your body hurts all over and you have a horrible taste in your mouth. Everyone in the room seems rather tense, the watchman holding their batons.

"Commander, it seems he's back in the world of the living."

In an elven city

Moskar Byal could not help but bare his fangs in anger and disgust at the idea of captured soldiers being "gentled".
Still, he resisted the temptation to draw a blade and hack indiscriminately into the elves around him- both his injuries and his cold-blooded common sense helped with that. For now, he watches, eyes narrowed as he silently scans the scene before him.
'I shall be sure to 'gentle' a few of these craven elves, when I get the chance. Although gentle is perhaps the wrong word.'

Keep watching, for now- wait until I see someone actually make a purchase, observe just what procedure is followed to do so.
Think violent thoughts involving elves, and wonder just how well voice-in-head will be able to translate what I need.
Hopefully he's like the fantasy equivalent of that Lonely Planet phrasebook I read once, which was pretty much all about hiring *ahem* adult entertainers...

You keep yourself to the back of the crowd and keep looking to see if anyone makes a pruchase. You spot a man who holds his left hand in the air, one finger pointing up. One of the men in the strange hats comes to him. The two exchange words, and the man in the strange hat goes back behind the stage and fetches one of the human soldiers. The two elves seem to be having an argument, all the while pointing at different parts on the soldier. Finally, its seems that they've settled their dispute. The elf gives strange hat a pouch of money, and strange hat gives the elf a sort of padlock. The elf puts the padlock on the slave's collar, and the two wander off into the city.

"Oh, I should be able to translate well enough, boss, I feel like it's all coming back to me. But eh, I think there's been some meaning lost in translation here. When they say gentle, they don't mean...well...snippy snippy. I mean, that happens as well sometimes, but it's not what they were referring to here. They mean the soldiers have been made to inhale smoke from the bark of some kind of tree, I forgot the name of the particular tree but it's a white number that grows in the western marshes. It makes them lose most of their mental functions, turning them in no better than a particularly stupid golem. You can usually spot a gentled one by their eyes, they look all murky."

[TCM]

Natasha stretches. "Paddy, would you be a dear and cook up some breakfast?"

[smurfingtonthethird]

"I am Lerman, and I have come to visit your village, and talk to your leader."

[The Froggy Ninja]

Assuming Nosegay tells me I go outside and flip off the sky. Then I shoot some lightning at a cloud.

[Pancaek]

In a bedroom in a small farming village

Natasha stretches. "Paddy, would you be a dear and cook up some breakfast?"

"Sure." He responds groggily. He gets up out of bed and wanders out of the door, the last glimpse you get is of him picking up his underwear while scratching his right buttcheek. As you hear his footsteps in the distance you pull the cover back over you and drift back to sleep.

Half an hour or so later, you are woken up by Paddy's voice and the light from the window. Paddy stands at the window, crutain still in his hand. "Breakfast is ready. It's nothing like the fancy food you adventurers must get to eat all the time, I hope it's allright." You get out of bed and throw on some clothes. You follow Paddy downstairs into the kitchen, where the table has already been set for you. There is a large jug of water and a pitcher of apple juice. There are all kinds of food on the table. There are beans in tomato sauce, A large loaf of fresh brown bread, eggs, bacon, sausages and what seems to be half of a blueberry pie. It all smells rather pleasant.

At the orc village

"I am Lerman, and I have come to visit your village, and talk to your leader."

The leader of the group, a particularly tough looking orc, takes a step forward.

"And what business would an outsider have with the shamaness? If you've simply come to peddle your goods you can stay outside of our village to do so, we shall not bother the shamaness with such frivolities."

In the pub in the capital of the vegetable kingdom

Assuming Nosegay tells me I go outside and flip off the sky. Then I shoot some lightning at a cloud.

You and nosegay share a look. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be able to speak. You watch him lying paralyzed and slightly drooling on the floor, having nothing else to do with your pent up frustrations.