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[Catsup]

Generally all the women that have ever been interested in me, they've approached me, not the other way around.

oh my, you must be a very sexy man with a awesome smile aint ya? (no sarcasm)

[XXSockXX]

fall? how do ppl fall in love with someone they dont know...? but yea, asking is a bad tactic in those situations, i'd think a better idea is just smiling back, since that can be taken either way.

Not falling in love, thinking "she must be into me" when it's clearly just professional politeness.
Basically you need some abilitiy to read which smile means what. Eventually you develop a gut feeling for who might find you attractive on sight or who might like you after talking to each other, which isn't necessarily the same. That requires some experience though, from human contact and observation.

[LordBucket]

the rejected thing is guys asking "random strangers" for a date?

Not random strangers, exactly...but more like attempting to take a not-romantic-association and turn it into a romantic relationship. Real life example: I used to take wushu. There was a particular girl in my wushu class I was attracted to. We certainly weren't strangers. We saw each other twice a week, every week for probably 6+ months. We knew each other by name. We'd practiced together, which often meant a good deal of physical contact, even. But we were only spending time together because we were taking the same class, and it was an entirely non-romantic context. She'd never given me "hey, you should ask me out" vibes. But I was interested. So I invited her to attend a Tet festival event with me that was being advertised by the school. She said no thanks, she wasn't going.

Now, on the surface, it might have appeared that I was simply going to the event, she was an acquaintance, would she like to come with me? But the subtext was, "hey...I'm attracted to you. Here's an excuse for us to spend time together to see if you're attracted to me too." This was a case of me going out on a limb and "risking rejection" as Virex phrased it. And in that case, yes I was rejected, and no romantic relationship was explored. And in fact...the way she rejected me, to this day I'm still not totally clear whether she understood the subtext. But whether or not she did is irrelevant. If she'd been attracted to me too, she would have jumped at the chance to spend time with me whether or not she realized I was asking her out. She didn't. So since she apparently wasn't attracted to me, I did not continue to pursue her.

So no, we weren't strangers. But I'd call that a case of "risking rejection" and I was definitely asking her on a date.

why would any guy feel scared of being rejected by a random
stranger they'll never see again and dont really know?

Fear is not rational.

that is someone asking for a date? my god im naive, i thought it was just some random coffee thing that had to do with drinking coffee.

Well, sometimes coffee is just coffee. Sometimes it isn't. But I get the impression you might be putting a lot more weight on this "date" concept than is really justified. Again, in my experience, formal dating is fairly uncommon. It can happen. It does happen. I've gone on formal dates. But...in my experience relationships don't usually result from formal dates. "Random coffee thing" probably results in more relationships than "let's do dinner and a movie I'll pick you up at 8."

[Catsup]

Not falling in love, thinking "she must be into me" when it's clearly just professional politeness.

my god, are guys normally so into themselves...?

Basically you need some abilitiy to read which smile means what. Eventually you develop a gut feeling for who might find you attractive on sight or who might like you after talking to each other, which isn't necessarily the same. That requires some experience though, from human contact and observation.

sounds like alot of work, not sure if its worth it or not...

[nenjin]

Generally all the women that have ever been interested in me, they've approached me, not the other way around.

oh my, you must be a very sexy man with a awesome smile aint ya? (no sarcasm)

No. I'm swarthy and kinda angry looking. But I guess some women dig that.

[Catsup]

No. I'm swarthy and kinda angry looking. But I guess some women dig that.

aparently...hahahaha. Must be your body then. But hmm...if you dont mind, can i ask, were those women the assertive type? cuz you make it sound like you arent that approachable

[XXSockXX]

my god, are guys normally so into themselves...?

Well, I think for every guy who thinks he's hopelessly unlikable, there is one who thinks he's Adonis Incarnated. Both are usually very wrong.

sounds like alot of work, not sure if its worth it or not...

If you don't actively fight it, it just happens from alone as you get older. That is except you have certain social disabilities that make reading other people really difficult, though there is still stuff that can be learned. And everybody has to start as a somewhat awkward teen.

[Catsup]

And everybody has to start as a somewhat awkward teen.

yup life sucks...still though, i cant help but think its easier to start this phase later when most ppl are a bit more mature.

[XXSockXX]

If it's just that, don't worry, that should sort itself out. Starting later - I'd say do whatever feels right, people don't always become more mature, they just know more stuff. Generally you benefit from experience since there is no manual, but there's no need to force or rush anything either.

[nenjin]

No. I'm swarthy and kinda angry looking. But I guess some women dig that.

aparently...hahahaha. Must be your body then. But hmm...if you dont mind, can i ask, were those women the assertive type? cuz you make it sound like you arent that approachable

Yeah, I'd say a fair number of them were. They definitely weren't wall flowers. I guess I do kind of attract extroverts, for some bizarre reason, now that I think about it.

And it's not that I'm unapproachable. I'm just not for flighty people. I'm pretty shy myself and in public that comes across as me being pretty stoic. Passing by in the hallways and such. In truth I'm a lot more personable when it's not those kinds of situations.

That said, I'm the sort of person that startles others when they turn a corner and don't expect to see me. /shrug

[DJ]

The guy is the one that needs to make the first move in majority of cases because it displays confidence, and confidence is what majority of women find attractive. There isn't as much pressure on women to make the first move because men don't rate confidence as highly when it comes to attraction, so women can avoid sticking their necks out more often than not, and virtually everyone would like to avoid risking rejection.

[LordBucket]

The guy is the one that needs to make the first move in majority of cases because it displays
confidence, and confidence is what majority of women find attractive.

Except that that confidence doesn't need to be with women. It can be with anything. Take a guy, for example, who is an excellent surfer, loves to surf, goes surfing...and completely ignores the surfer girls because he's too busy surfing. Women will be attracted to that and make the move even if he has no confidence with women. Typically by "making themselves available" to be moved on, and if he doesn't act on it because he' too scared and just focuses on his surfing, that reinforces the situation and the women end up insistently throwing themselves at him despite his complete confusion and possible annoyance because he'd really rather be surfing, all while the other guys around him whine and complain that all the girls keep rejecting their advances in favor of the guy who isn't even interested.

Whereas if he's just as confidant about his surfing and just as scared of women but believes that he has to make the move and is constantly making weak, terrified, abortive attempts to be proactive and "be the man" they pick up on that instantly and he gets  reputation as a creepy weirdo and they all avoid him.

The dance between masculine and feminine is a tango. A girl must be receptive an advance. It doesn't matter how "proactive" a bee is when collecting nectar, nor how many flowers it visits, if those flowers are not open and ready. The flower has to be open and ready to receive a bee. Yes, if the bee sits in the hive and avoids flowers, it's not going to collect any nectar. But "wait for morning and collect nectar from the flowers that are emitting scents that say PICK ME!" is better advice than "just keep at it. You have to make the move. Never mind that it's midnight and all the flowers are closed. Be the man and just keep visiting flowers until you succeed."

[Urist McScoopbeard]

... I tried to be the man once, it was my first date. I haven't been on another since. D:

EDIT: to actually add something useful, where I live nobody really seems to care who asks out who first.