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[4maskwolf]

Okay. Should our theme song be the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, too?

Except, you know, all bad guys.

[fractalman]

"this is the ultimate fortress...
of gambit pileups...
"
...maybe.  but we'd have to have a babbling/berserk dwarf take out the last demon in the fort or something.

[Gnorm]

There is only one demon actually inside the fortress, and he's just lounging in the magma forges.  If I did everything correctly, the queen should be taking a visit soon with her royal guards; they'll probably be able to take him on.

[fractalman]

ah. right. 

[MDFification]

We can totally survive this, the fort's been through worse. Well, not worse, but almost as bad. As in, this isn't the first time we've lost our entire military to one of Gnorm's schemes. At least now we have some adamantine gear and the Royal Guard incoming.
But yeah, good luck Deus Asmoth. You'll need it. Along with a new dwarf, since Melek got herself killed. Or maybe Asmoth seems relatively sane now that the demons have invaded hell our fort.

[Deus Asmoth]

I am having problems with a stable internet connection at the moment, so I can present a couple of options:

Option one is that I do a turn quickly. The downside to this is that there would be little to no interaction with the other players, and the file would likely be posted with a wall of text rather than constant updates. If you guys would prefer to continue the fortress as it's going now, option two is to skip me for now at least.

Asmoth's Log, 1st of Granite, 260.

I have been inactive too long. Frankly, my belief in science was shattered by the supernatural abilities of that masked dwarf, and my soul was damaged by the deaths of my husband and my children. Project Melek's failure was also a blow. I might have stayed in that stupor indefinitely if not for the screaming that I heard so recently. They comforted my after my long years of darkness.

In any case, Steelhold is bleeding, and I am a doctor. It's time to staunch the wounds, cauterise what can't be staunched and amputate what can't be burned. Corley has vanished, so I will be mostly unopposed. I'm having a few measures put in to stop that masked thing interfering again, so it's time to take stock of the situation.

Problems:

1: We have no military of any value.

2: There are two red devils wandering the fortress.

3: Hell has been breached.

4: I do not have any live demonic subjects to test. Their physiology is fascinating, but I can only learn so much from the dead.

Solutions:

1: We have several peasants, probably recently having obtained adulthood. These shall be immediately drafted into our militia.

2: Our new militia shall skilfully slay these horrible monsters.

3: There is only one possible solution to this problem. A colony shall be formed beneath the magma seas. Owing to how deadly this fortress is to those who would tame it, I shall also have a tomb built for myself there.

4: There is unfortunately no remedy to this, as saving the fortress must take a higher priority. I shall try to observe our recruits killing the red devils and be content with the data I can gather from that.

[Oshha]

Dairy of Alatha Zane
My grandfather, Rhaken the Willful and the entire military are dead. While my grandfather has taught me much and left me his memoirs, he taught me little of his combat prowess. I will hide in the shadows until the demons threat is over and their servant Oku is vanquished. Yet I recently received an interesting letter from someone called Karius meant for my late grandfather. Perhaps he'll be of aid once he arrives like he said he would in the letter.

[MDFification]

I'd be good to see the turn posted in a single block myself, if only because the fort is a shithole falling apart at the seams, run by an actively insane sociopath. Kind of makes sense if they don't talk to many people beyond giving orders.

[Deus Asmoth]

At the minute, it's looking like most of my turn is going to be spent trying to figure out how to get from A to B without passing through Z and X. I'm planning to do some major clean up, so is there any objection to me tossing our prisoners into magma, dumping our old clothes into lava and infecting all our dwarfs with vampire blood (for ¡¡SCIENCE!!)?

[MDFification]

Well, the last one is potentially too much awesome for the fortress to handle (Murphy's law, meet Steelhold) and something I can't imagine Asmoth not doing tbh.

[Gnorm]

At the minute, it's looking like most of my turn is going to be spent trying to figure out how to get from A to B without passing through Z and X. I'm planning to do some major clean up, so is there any objection to me tossing our prisoners into magma, dumping our old clothes into lava and infecting all our dwarfs with vampire blood (for ¡¡SCIENCE!!)?

Go ahead and destroy those useless clothes; we have too many to even bother trading with them.  As for the prisoners, they are too valuable to us, for they can be used for live training.  If you want to drop the last Dwarven vampire into a reservoir from a great height, seal it off, then build a well over it, there is nothing I can do to stop you.

[Deus Asmoth]

One last thing then: danger rooms are against the rules, correct? I think I remember them coming up in the past, but can't see anything in the first post about them.

Part the First; Cold Shoulders
The doctor sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of her nose. The outpost liaison waited patiently in that strange way of his that made sure you knew he was waiting patiently, and was prepared to continue doing it for as long as necessary.

"Why are you still here?" Asmoth growled. "The caravans left months ago!"
"Yes, but your predecessor seemed somewhat pre-occupied. I can't imagine what could be more important than keeping good relations with the country that gives so much freedom to you."
"Yeah, it's not like we were invaded by demons or anything," Asmoth said.
"Frankly, if it were up to me, I'd have ground you all back down to size the moment you tried to declare yourself a barony, but the queen is too gentle a soul," Feb continued, oblivious.

Images of her children crying, the queen's happy smile, and a glass door sealing her in flashed across Asmoth's vision. When they cleared, she had the outpost liaison pinned to a table, with her scalpel hovering in front of his eyes. The door slammed open.

"The devil in the forges has been slain!" the messenger shouted, then paused to take in what was actually happening. The scalpel in the doctor's hand vanished as she straightened up, pulling on a leather labcoat as she followed the messenger.
"Any casualties?" she asked.
"None so far. Some people are running around and screaming, but we think that's just because they're on fire."
"Wait!" Feb yelled. "What do you want from our traders?"
"Steel."
"That's it?"
"Yes."
"Wait, we want toy hammers and-"
"Leave a note and get out."

Asmoth's log.
I hate politics. In any case, the forges belong to Steelhold once again. There's one more red devil we need to deal with, but first I need to find the right lever. Whenever I mention it, the dwarfs mutter about bloodsuckers and such.

[MDFification]

The vamp's actually walled in for the moment, so there's no lever to find. Danger rooms are, alas, apparently verboten, so the live training really is quite valuable. I think they're dwarfy myself, but they are a tad exploit-y.


Requesting Redorfing as Uristador, a male militia captain (if any unnamed ones survive). Custom profession: Marble Factioneer.

Uristador never though much of politics before he was sent to Steelhold. Once he was stripped of his rights as a free dwarf for something so silly as deciding he was going to skip the day's training to visit his wife and family, he became very involved in it. Oh, he could see that they did have a point. He technically had abandoned his post. He didn't really mean to, though, and how was he supposed to know that was the day the elves were comming? And really, if one person made that much of a difference, you'd think they'd pay soldiers more. Surely he wasn't the only one padding his income letting a few wagons through without proper inspection. I mean, would you object to being paid more to not do your job?
Anyway, now he's a loyal adherent to the Marble Faction. Very anti-noble, dedicated to safeguarding 'our rights and freedoms', easily angered by anyone who disparages Emdief's memory and, when you get down to it, not too bright. Kind of easily manipulated, if you play your cards right.

Also, real life is getting tad less busy for me, so I might be able to start updating the PDF again soon. Hooray!

[Deus Asmoth]

I'm afraid you'll have to settle for militia commander, since only  of my recruits survived the battle with the second red devil.

Asmoth's log, 25th Slate.

Patient Name: Uristador

Medical History: Treated 21st Hem to 26th Mal 257 for broken hand (left).

Notes: strong anti-nobility sentiments. Jailed for bribery and desertion, may be untrustworthy. Unknown why he became commander, as he is no more qualified than others. Perhaps they drew straws?

New injuries: several broken bones, untreated as of now.

Cause: Failure to take weapon from a goblin before attempting to kill it.

Asmoth's pen paused as Kivish Brasswords cleared her throat noisily, again.

"Your majesty, I've told you that your rooms are still being furnished. If you'd given us time to prepare, sent a message..."
"Your predecessor knew well that I was coming. What happened to him, anyway?"
"Well, we did get invaded by hell, my queen. Not the best state to make ready for a royal visit, I'm sure you agree," Asmoth sighed. "I'm sure you must be tired. I'll show you to your room now, and we'll bring in the rest of your furniture later, how does that sound?"
"Get on with it, then," Kivish commanded. She didn't notice the glint in the doctor's eye.

The fortress was the mess that she had expected from the collected scum of her kingdom, hundreds of rooms that were probably all meant to do the same thing, but of course there was no point in a coup if you couldn't do things your own way afterwards.
"In here, your highness," the doctor was saying. Kivish pushed past her. The room gleamed with gold. Of course, she could get more with a tantrum or two, but it was a decent start. She waved the doctor away, but the fool was refusing to leave!
"Do you remember me, Kivish?" Asmoth asked. "I suppose you wouldn't. I only took care of you for fifteen years." There was a click as the door closed. It didn't have a knob on the inside. "I'm giving you a bigger cage than you gave me, but I guess that's just my gentle spirit. I'll even visit you every day."

[Gnorm]

The vamp's actually walled in for the moment, so there's no lever to find.

He has been relocated to an area where he shall better serve the cause.