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[Imperfect]

I'm a recent grad, 22, marketing major, currently unemployed. I went to that school out of fear of ending up in a shit job somewhere and out of lack of mathematical skill(the credit goes to my elementary and high school math teachers, mostly). For the past year, I studied maths and programming on my own, hoping to get to a Bachelor CS program, and pursue a career in programming, which about a year ago I grew to be interested in after I took some online courses, unlike marketing, which I majored in only because the other major was finance, and there was a lot of... math involved in that. I dropped out of that CS program after three weeks. The math was just too much. I couldn't even get the high school basics covered, others were doing it with their eyes closed and one hand behing their back, and were eagerly awaiting the real stuff to come. I knew I could never even memorize all that many formulas and procedures and whatnot, let alone use them. I know that you're not supposed to learn math like that, that it should look more like a system, a roadmap(which my more capable classmates at that school confirmed to me), and not a stack of formula upon formula, but it just didn't click for me, not even after a half year of previous study.

So I started out sending resumes, and quickly found out that I by far didn't learn enough programming to get paid for it. Almost everybody wants experience, plus you have to know like five other technologies, just Java itself is not enough. Then for about a month and a half, I applied to any job that remotely fit my resume and demanded college education in roughly my specialization. From the entire hunt, I got three measly interviews. One of the interviewers was kind enough to be blunt about what my chances were. The other applicants were two 30sh guys with Masters in CS and a decade of experience, plus a bunch of released project each. Applying for a job which's requirements fitted a fresh grad. Keeps the hopes up, really. My parents gave me an ultimatum: either I'll have a job by the end of the year, or they will get me one, even if that meant cleaning toilets. I don't see how much that will help me get anywhere.

The weird thing is, nobody I know from the college seems to have screwed their life up as bad as me. They're either going for a masters in economics(no way I could do that, shitton of higher math) or having a job you'd expect from a business college graduate, i.e.: they're in private equity, consulting, PR, or marketing somewhere. All of them did better at school, too, and I don't mean just the GPA. They won competitions that I wasn't even aware existed, they grasped all the technical stuff on statistics and math courses much quicker than me, all of them are able to socialize without a problem, while I mostly end up hearing evey fourth word of the conversation and getting bored. Everybody seems to have this knack for life, some kind of opportunity-locating laser sight that I lack, like a user's manual to the world that tells them where the jobs are, how to do math, how to do work more efficiently, how to direct your life, and what to write on a test.

The worst about this is the pattern that emerges when I look in the past: High school for example. True, a lot of people there were annoying jerks, but then again, I wasn't able to develop any significant friendships with the majority who weren't, nor did I find another way to spend my free time with than playing videogames. I had no other hobbies, no consistent desire to develop any of my skills, nothing. I tried to go places and meet people, but it always ended up somewhere from "Meh." to varying degrees of horrible(standing there and wanting to be home playing videogames, drinking too much, getting into a fight, getting slapped for some good reason, etc.) Sure, a few times I got to make out with some random girl who then I texted with for about a week before we found out that we don't really have anything to say to each other and the "relationship" whithered away, but other than that... I don't even hang out with the dudes that I met during that time. Too many conversations I can't relate to and too much club-going. I tried to learn to program, draw, speak French, and make 3D models at that time, too, but in all cases, the excitement fell off pretty quickly and I was back to my time-wasting self within one or two weeks.

The elementary was pretty much the same. Outcast kid, sucked at sports, mediocre grades, no interest in anything, videogames(or books if my parents kicked me off the computer). Now, I'm from a quite well-off family, I have never even seen my parents arguing, and they were willing to pay for any school I wanted to go to. They were really liberal, too; since I was like 15, I could do whatever I judged best, so long as it didn't get them into trouble. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol... all that was mine to enjoy as I saw fit, the parents just gave me a short lecture about the pitfalls of each those things, and I never had any real trouble with any of them. From time to time, they would try to talk me into studying more, or doing something outside of school, like sports, or joining a club, or learning another language. My father even once offered me to introduce me to a guy who could teach me how to program, but out of shyness, laziness, or parhaps stupidity, I somehow weaseled out all of those offers. I remember that they were all made in a slightly irritated tone: "You just play games all day long, why don't you do this, why don't you do that, you're wasting your time." I always got this weird gut-wrenching when my father talked about something that I screwed up or wasn't good enough at(e.g. school, life, or even some minor thing like leaving the door open or having a confusing desktop layout on my computer when he urgently needed to use it). He calmed down pretty quickly and never resorted to violence, but talking to him felt like talking to a crate of dynamite. I never knew what thing that I did or said was going to turn him into a condescending prick for two minutes before he got into his normal self. I guess I just wanted those conversations to end ASAP and didn't hear the message over the messenger.

And so here I am. From a jump-start better than anyone could wish for down to a sub-average, unemployed slob. And the best thing is, I owe all of this to yours truly. Nobody else stood in my way. For some reason, I deliberately worked into making myself into the most unfit-for-life person imaginable. No network of friends, next to none technical skills, no vision, no great ideas. I'm a rock, basically. I ask this: What the hell is wrong with me? What could have caused me to systematically nose-dive my life into the shitter over the past ten years? And how do I fix it? I need to identify this flaw, otherwise, I think it's pretty reasonable to suppose that the pattern will repeat itself. So I ask you this: Why do you think I suck at life so much?

[freeformschooler]

It's something about the Entitlement Culture, or Generation Y, or another ambiguous criticism of America's current generational layout that causes us to revile part-time jobs like plumbing while believing the absolutely hilarious idea that a good degree and the RIGHT degree will get you a job in your field or anything above McDonalds straight out of college. Obviously, from that last bit, you don't fully buy into the big lie of college, but you would like a nice career. Who wouldn't?

Sixty (?) years ago, you would have worked for your (admitted) rich parents' shoe store or your town's lone plant, and there would have been nothing wrong with either option.

What could have caused me to systematically nose-dive my life into the shitter over the past ten years? And how do I fix it? I need to identify this flaw, otherwise, I think it's pretty reasonable to suppose that the pattern will repeat itself. So I ask you this: Why do you think I suck at life so much?

I don't think you suck. You objectively understand your limits (a good thing), but not once in your post aside from a bit about programming and games did you mention anything you were actually really interested in. If anything, the only reason you've wasted part of your life is you didn't spend it doing things you actually like. Do you know why those math weirdos were doing it with their eyes closed? They actually liked it. They probably did calculus on tissue paper in their middle school lunch room. Passion equals interest plus motivation.

That, I believe, is your core problem. What do you like other than video games? Is it something you would work to getting a job in or making a job in? If not, is it something you'd be willing to support with plumbing work? If it's "nothing," maybe your time is better spent finding something you do like while you're 22. There's a whole world of cool stuff outside academia and your ever-dwindling career options. You can do it!

[KingBacon]

Kid, you didn't mess up. The world is messed up. You are not alone, I had great grades (graduated in the top ten of my undergrad cohort, the whole cohort,) got a masters in Economics and everyone I knew had a hard time getting a job (except for one guy who got hired his first interview in Dunn Hunby at like 80k/4 weeks vacation, and he was the slowest guy in the masters program :?) I got hired after like five rounds of interviews as a business analyst and got laid off my first day of work, (then their was that government job I got hired for that got sequestered.....)

What I suggest is picking up an athletic hobby, a volunteer group, and a lousy job. Just get out of the house and you will meet people. What I did was volunteer with the Obama campaign in a red district (worked with some pretty ladies,) got back into jogging, went sober, learned Dwarf Fortress, and got a retail job at Lowes.

There are young people working shit jobs who have educations/dropped out of school/had bad luck who are perfectly fun to hang out with.

Now I'm getting a PhD in Econ and am swimming in sexy ladies doing god awful math problems.

[nenjin]

This sounds more or less like my route. I wasn't foolish enough to try to tackle mathematics or compsci for a profession (because I knew I couldn't hack it...)

It gets better. Yeah, a lot of how it ended up is on your shoulders. But you're wasting time and energy feeling sorry for yourself.

But let me give you a little pep talk by way my own fuck ups:

-Took me 5 years to get a bachelors in one of the easiest majors out there
-Got on academic probation at least once
-Was almost kicked out of my college for non-performance
-Lost the only paying job I could be assed to find by not showing up (although to be fair it was a "make your own schedule" kind of job)
-Was unemployed for probably 3 years after graduating

And shit eventually turned around for me. Turned around as in, I can live with the life I have now without shame or soul-crushing regrets.

College is the time when you start paying really close attention to how much you're actually worth "on the open market", and compare yourself to everyone else which inevitably leaves you feeling inadequate. We grow up being told we have limitless potential. College is where the feel-good parenting of home and school is evaporated in the light of harsh reality.

Sorry, but, get over it. I'm not trying to be mean, but you can wallow in this sort of self-pity for years without getting anywhere. (I say this from personal experience.) You should be treating your life as the best, most opportunity-filled thing ever. Because it's the only one you're going to get. Stop shitting on your own life, and by extension, yourself. It's not going to get you anywhere except scrubbing toilets and disappointing your parents by your lack of motivation to control your own life.. They're not trying to be mean either, btw. They're doing what they think is the only thing that will shake you out of your funk: presenting you with a worse alternative. Who the fuck WANTS to scrub toilets for a living? Surely you can do one iota better than that? That's what they're trying to get through to you.

So yeah. TLDR: It gets better, but only after it gets worse. Positive thinking won't get you a job, but it will make it possible to live with yourself. And welcome to the ranks of the underachiever, where probably 80% of American graduates find themselves. This isn't the end, it's really just the beginning. If you want it to not suck, start creating the context and embracing the right perspectives so it doesn't.

[Muz]

I was there. The worst point of your life is after finishing college.

I did an engineering degree. Literally one of the hardest engineering degrees (Electrical) in one of the hardest universities in the world. People should have hired me for just about any job based on the degree alone. But because it was a tough degree in a tough university, I had poor grades. People from some shitty "strategic management college" were getting full marks and getting past HR.

I hated the degree system. And hated HR in most companies even more. The people who are supposed to judge my technical ability can't even read a PDF file.

I spent like 5 months unemployed. A lot of people take shitty jobs at this point - the ones where you work for dodgy companies and get paid only slightly higher than minimum wage. I went on Facebook, scanned everyone on my friends list, and contacted one guy who owned an IT company. Got a job with a start up. Great guy, nice company, poor pay. I worked there for a year. Living costs were so high that I was literally losing money from the job. It was an efficient company too... about 5 programmers who are doing better than large corps in less time.

Eventually quit to start my own business. People kept offering me jobs. When I turned them down, they tripled the pay. I'm now turning down a job every month or charging a fee so high that it's designed to scare people off. In some rare cases they accept the exorbitant fee. Why? Because nobody in this country can program. Most people quit after 3 or so months and do their masters.. like it's supposed to bring them up the career ladder with less skill. Very few make it past the 1 year point. I had 4 projects under my belt at this point.. all rather big ones.

So, my advice is force your foot through the door. What do you want to do? What would you do for free? Go to a start up and offer to work for really cheap. There are a few companies that hire fresh graduates:
 - Megacorps with lots of resources who are planning 5 years in advance. But you'd normally get a scholarship from them, not a job offer.
 - Companies that are 'reorganizing'. They'll fire their old, loyal guys and hire cheap, desperate freshies. You'll never want to work with these for long. You'll end up trapped in office politics.
 - Companies that are fast growing. These are the best if you're in it for the money. Usually trains well too.
 - Start ups. They grow really fast and desperately need more people. I'd highly recommend them because you get to wear every hat and play every role. You get to be the salesperson, the coder, the consultant, the designer, the HR. You'll gain skills very quickly and make a lot of contacts.

I'd recommend the same trick I use... offer to work for almost nothing. The company will trust you and train you. If they take advantage, quit. After 3 months of showing that you're better than everyone else, you can negotiate a proper wage. After a year, negotiate again.

Companies are sorely lacking in hard workers. Most people want a get rich quick career, making the hard work stuff the most profitable and the one with the least office politics in the long run.

And there's a little secret in software companies - you can learn any language rather quickly. If you work for cheap enough, they'll even train you. People don't want to waste time training a job hopper or a highly paid professional. But if you show some enthusiasm, they'll be happy to teach. Anyone who expects you to know multiple languages is BS. If you're a nice enough person or know the right people, they'll happily wait for you.

[nenjin]

I'd recommend the same trick I use... offer to work for almost nothing. The company will trust you and train you. If they take advantage, quit. After 3 months of showing that you're better than everyone else, you can negotiate a proper wage. After a year, negotiate again.

Companies are sorely lacking in hard workers. Most people want a get rich quick career, making the hard work stuff the most profitable and the one with the least office politics in the long run.

And there's a little secret in software companies - you can learn any language rather quickly. If you work for cheap enough, they'll even train you. People don't want to waste time training a job hopper or a highly paid professional. But if you show some enthusiasm, they'll be happy to teach. Anyone who expects you to know multiple languages is BS. If you're a nice enough person or know the right people, they'll happily wait for you.

Just going to single this out.....

For the love of god, if you say you're willing to learn, then DO IT! We've hired at least 3 people in the last year, all who didn't know shit about shit, who were all in over their heads. We spent good money on these guys to train them, and basically all the did was occupy a chair in the dev room for 4 to 6 months and get paid while not doing anything. They were (mostly anyways) let go. Plenty of Computer Science majors who have graduated or are graduating who literally could not do the simplest tasks assigned to them.

So if you're going the "Train me to do anything!" route, you'd better deliver. Because people who are drawing a paycheck for doing the actual work of the company will expect you to pay back that investment. Sooner, later, it doesn't matter. Just don't take the invitation to learn as you work to mean there's not a lot of expected of you.

[ChairmanPoo]

I'd recommend the same trick I use... offer to work for almost nothing. The company will trust you and train you. If they take advantage, quit. After 3 months of showing that you're better than everyone else, you can negotiate a proper wage. After a year, negotiate again.

This is actually a very good idea and good advice for this modern world in general. I'd make it a sig quote if it fit.

[MorleyDev]

Not sure how to do it in the Americas, but from a UK perspective: Computer Science as a degree has been devalued. Degrees in general have been too, but I believe CS has been hit the hardest by this in that it may not have been reduced to less value than other degrees, but it has fallen further to reach that point. I could rant for ages about why that is, but that's not important right now. What is important is that there are a lot of Computer Science graduates out there, but not a lot of Programmers.

This devaluing of the CS degree has an advantage: Since most CS graduates don't know how to program, it's made a lot of companies (those smaller and growing companies especially) just stop paying attention to degrees. For those companies especially then no matter your experience, you will be tested in the interview and graduates often with a pre-interview challenge. This is mostly to establish a baseline skill, get an idea of what you can do and how you do it and make sure you know the basics. Sure they won't be paying you much over minimum wage, but if you show some passion and a willingness to learn then at least they'll have a willingness to teach. Sure, you're gonna get turned down, but the important thing is to not stop trying.

A year at a good company can do wonders for your skills, so long as you do have that passion and willingness to learn.

Also a good idea is to find developer meet-ups in your area. If you can find them, they are good opportunities to meet people in the industry, in your area. In the UK it's common for a free or cheap entry-fee talk to be held and then for some "networking" down at the local pub to be held afterwards. Go to them to learn and be interested in the topic of the talk, and the networking allows you to make yourself known to developers. It can help get a foot in the door, at least for an interview, if someone puts in a good word.

[Muz]

For the love of god, if you say you're willing to learn, then DO IT! We've hired at least 3 people in the last year, all who didn't know shit about shit, who were all in over their heads. We spent good money on these guys to train them, and basically all the did was occupy a chair in the dev room for 4 to 6 months and get paid while not doing anything. They were (mostly anyways) let go. Plenty of Computer Science majors who have graduated or are graduating who literally could not do the simplest tasks assigned to them.

So if you're going the "Train me to do anything!" route, you'd better deliver. Because people who are drawing a paycheck for doing the actual work of the company will expect you to pay back that investment. Sooner, later, it doesn't matter. Just don't take the invitation to learn as you work to mean there's not a lot of expected of you.

Actually, this is actually a good trick to filter out bad employees too. A lot of people are slackers who are only in it for the money. You want to hire people with a genuine passion for doing what you hire them to do, not just people who say sweet things to get that job. My philosophy is to pay and train people above average, have something to test their performance against, and fire them quickly if they don't perform. Resumes and recommendations mean little these days.

Most of the really good companies hire interns and never hire fresh graduates because of this. Sometimes your way in is as an 'intern'.

[nenjin]

For the love of god, if you say you're willing to learn, then DO IT! We've hired at least 3 people in the last year, all who didn't know shit about shit, who were all in over their heads. We spent good money on these guys to train them, and basically all the did was occupy a chair in the dev room for 4 to 6 months and get paid while not doing anything. They were (mostly anyways) let go. Plenty of Computer Science majors who have graduated or are graduating who literally could not do the simplest tasks assigned to them.

So if you're going the "Train me to do anything!" route, you'd better deliver. Because people who are drawing a paycheck for doing the actual work of the company will expect you to pay back that investment. Sooner, later, it doesn't matter. Just don't take the invitation to learn as you work to mean there's not a lot of expected of you.

Actually, this is actually a good trick to filter out bad employees too. A lot of people are slackers who are only in it for the money. You want to hire people with a genuine passion for doing what you hire them to do, not just people who say sweet things to get that job. My philosophy is to pay and train people above average, have something to test their performance against, and fire them quickly if they don't perform. Resumes and recommendations mean little these days.

Most of the really good companies hire interns and never hire fresh graduates because of this. Sometimes your way in is as an 'intern'.

Unfortunately, my company is small and also not exactly great about confrontation. So we face a two-fold problem with weaker hires. One is that they tend to stay longer than anyone wants them to because my company doesn't like hiring and firing in the same month. Even the same quarter. Secondly, because we're small.....every piece of dead weight is taking up a space a competent hire would. When your people are running at the margins of their output and still have more to do, you tend to start resenting guys who are just coasting for three months as they learn.

[Meph]

Excuse the silly question of a non-america, but why do you think that a job with a high salary is equal to a good life? You say that you drove your life into the ground, but your biggest point is that you cant get a job and dont have the qualifications that most other people seem to have. That is not the same. If you were a re 40-odd something that lives on the street, then I would agree with your opinion. But a 22 year old, who lives in a nice house in a save country, with a family to support him? You have all the options, ever.

Maybe do some volunteering work in another country, to get some perspective. Or, get 1000$ together, go to Asia, do a dive-master certificate and hang around for a year or two, spend some time by yourself and figure out what you want. Because if you suddenly get good at math and programming and get a well paid job, you only get more money. You can buy nicer stuff. Thats it. You dont get satisfaction, you dont get respect, you wont get friends, free time or learn a new way of viewing and judging what you think success is. The only thing that would change is the number on your bank account. Which is only important if you are short of living on the street and/or starving.

Other peoples lives are not as good as they look btw. People always post their best things on facebook and tell good stories, but you know your entire life, good and bad. I am sure not everyone of these magically successful people thinks of themselves like you think of them.

[slaytanic]

It could be worse. Read my "What would you do?" post. I feel your pain though. I grew up poor as dirt and took the first job I could get outta high school at steakhouse where a bunch of my friends worked. 5 years later I was still there. Going nowhere. But I did meet a lot of interesting people and had some great times,  great roommates and not so great and plenty of keg parties. But I wasn't really looking ahead. Also, Apathy is a bitch.

[tykavanaugh]

There are a lot of decent paying, interesting jobs that require only brief vocational training. EMT-B courses are generally cheap at local colleges and that's a great life skill to have. I'm also a not-mathy person in a science major (I'm on my third attempt at Calc II) but the EMT-B course is not terribly hard as long as you study just a little everyday while taking it. I've only worked as a volunteer since I've been an EMT-B but I really like the excitement those rare times you get an interesting call.

[Bouchart]

I have two bachelor's degrees, one in economics and one in math, from an excellent school, along with five years of work experience in an office.  I've been out of work since June and it's taking a lot of arm twisting just to get a temp job doing data entry.

[kaijyuu]

I'm picking my degree entirely based on the hiring rate of recent graduates.

Here's hoping Linux Administration doesn't tank in the next two years.