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Author Topic: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart  (Read 11658 times)

ICBM pilot

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #90 on: December 10, 2013, 12:35:21 pm »

183. Prepare world's largest pancake, using only items you get from the shelves. The mix should be available in quantity, and large tubs for mixing with water. A shovel should stand in for a giant spoon. What would you use for a cooking surface? Barbecues underneath could provide heat.
Maybe sheet metal.
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #91 on: December 10, 2013, 12:49:32 pm »

184. Use Mr. Welch's list as a checklist.
Been done. Stricken from record.

184. Make a "samples" tray of random products.

((I'll skip ahead a bit.))
1001. Whatever you did to distract the Wal-Mart employees to let you do your other trickery in peace? Yeah, that counts too.
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Baffler

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #92 on: December 10, 2013, 02:04:29 pm »

185. Move everything from the seafood department into the deli, and vice versa.
186. Erect a checkpoint at the front door, and ask customers coming in for their papers.
-186a. Bring some friends to detain anyone who tries to force their way past.
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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #93 on: December 10, 2013, 02:06:40 pm »

185. Move everything from the seafood department into the deli, and vice versa.
186. Erect a checkpoint at the front door, and ask customers coming in for their papers.
-186a. Bring some friends to detain anyone who tries to force their way past.
Glory to Arstotzka!
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IamanElfCollaborator

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #94 on: December 10, 2013, 02:11:02 pm »

-186b Declare the Walmart an independent country and set up flags, statues, etc. in the aisles.
187. Use the various Not Always sites as checklists.

LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #95 on: December 10, 2013, 02:15:49 pm »

-186b Declare the Walmart an independent country and set up flags, statues, etc. in the aisles.
187. Use the various Not Always sites as checklists.
Your 187 was used already, almost verbatim.
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Erils

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #96 on: December 10, 2013, 02:17:12 pm »

Edit: Okay so that was already done. I was kinda expecting that.

186.5-Walk in and declare the Walmart revolution as beggining. Tear down all the flags and statues and capture all the employess. Publicly execute the manager and stick his head in the deli section or with all the frozen treats. Then proceed to obtain your true goal: Cleaning their stocks out of something, anything and everything.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2013, 02:38:05 pm by Erils »
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #97 on: December 10, 2013, 02:28:30 pm »

Also been done.

187. Clean out their stocks of something in demand at the time, head to the cash register, and "discover" that you only have the cash to pay for a handful of it.
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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #98 on: December 10, 2013, 02:35:52 pm »

188. Glue all the shoes to each other sole-to-sole. Same with all the gloves. They need to be together forever!
189. Dress the mannequins with stuff from other departments: sporting goods, fishing, etc.
190. Pile all the mannequins on the ground and spread buckets of red paint liberally.
191. Carefully paste over all the "Employees Only" signs with "Customers Only" instead.
192. Gather all the plants, fake and real from the garden department, and fill the kiddie pools , and arrange everything to make a jungle habitat. Cat litter can stand in for sand, and large amounts of instant oatmeal for quicksand. A base of tarps and wood chips from the garden dept should provide a reasonably stable substrate.
193. Over the course of several months, move the aisles closer together. The extra space at one side will be taken up by a seemingly-temporary seasonal aisle which will eventually expand into clothing racks.
194. Add "Apocalypse Sale - everything must go, for Hell cometh" signs to things like ammo, non-perishable foods, bottled water, camping gear, and fuel.
195. Smear jam on the back wall of all the displays where nobody will notice for some time.
196. Hide Easter Eggs everywhere. But don't bother cooking or painting them! That smacks of effort.
197. Get a floor buffer, dress as an employee, and slowly follow a person around with it buffing the floor behind them. If they stop, circle around and buff the floor all around them. If they stand still too long, buff their shoes. Smile with your eyes really wide open and your mouth closed the whole time.
198. Bowling with frozen turkeys, trying to knock over stacks of soda cans.
199. Play "run for money" with the children! Roll small-value coins down the aisles so kids can run after them. Whatever you catch, you keep!
200. Stagger about acting very nauseous, and when you bend over to throw up bring your hands up to your face and release your sleeves of jelly beans all over the floor. Make realistic puking sounds though.
201. Wear a sweater as pants and a pair of pants on your arms. Actually sorry no, this is probably fairly standard.
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #99 on: December 10, 2013, 02:45:07 pm »

200. Stagger about acting very nauseous, and when you bend over to throw up bring your hands up to your face and release your sleeves of jelly beans all over the floor. Make realistic puking sounds though.
((That's actually excellent.))
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Erils

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #100 on: December 10, 2013, 02:46:12 pm »

200. Stagger about acting very nauseous, and when you bend over to throw up bring your hands up to your face and release your sleeves of jelly beans all over the floor. Make realistic puking sounds though.

That is absolutely hilarious
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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #101 on: December 10, 2013, 02:47:14 pm »

Why thank you, glad one of my ideas ended up being awesome ;P
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SOLDIER First

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #102 on: December 10, 2013, 05:27:48 pm »

202. Wear a fursuit and buy all of whatever food product is appropriate for the animal your suit is; cat food if you're a feline, for example.
203. Bring a shit-filled diaper from your two-year-old and have them smear it everywhere, especially the foods. My mistake, someone's already done this.
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kj1225

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #103 on: December 10, 2013, 05:29:20 pm »

203. Continuously pester the employees about where to find a decent wand.
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SOLDIER First

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Re: 1001 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Walmart
« Reply #104 on: December 10, 2013, 05:30:18 pm »

204. Actually find a wand.
205. Have someone cosplay as Kanaya, grab it out of the employee's hands, and snap it in half.
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